Any tips for secondary for bright Aspergers type boy?

[Lily2007]

My son is 10 and primary school think he has got Aspergers and have made quite a few adjustments for him. He is very bright so no learning challenges but am absolutely dreading secondary.

If he can only get 99 percent right it can cause him to go under the table type things though he is getting much better and has always been fine at home with this, seems to be a people seeing thing. Also can answer questions like he knows better than the author. Very fussy eater. Went into hiding yesterday as he wasn't feeling well but wouldn't tell anyone he didn't feel well. This type of thing. In y4 he had a full time TA but now he manages with no one but they do call in staff as required. No EHCP, no diagnosis.

Academically top of his year but secondary could go from anything to getting excluded to Oxbridge and I've heard of both happening with similar children.

I didn't apply for grammar for him as the boys school is 25 minutes on the bus plus traffic jams plus 10 mins each way. He also said he didn't want it. So we are down to 2 comprehensives and a few privates which are very academic. One of the comps looked lousy on special needs cutting TAs from 20 to 8 and looked like they would exclude, other looked much better but that was because of Head and he's resigned. Both comp Heads have resigned. Trouble is private fees would be a stretch, what if one of us loses our jobs etc and he's not interested in sport etc.

Has anyone got a child like this and what has worked not worked for them. No idea how he will cope with detentions etc and just organising himself. He struggles to get dressed! He also takes teddies to school as it helps him as he needs to cuddle all the time. The schools are so massive too. There doesn't appear to be any specialist state provision for bright children like this. He's amazing at maths and doing logs at 7 but current school just say he's so far ahead in maths they can't teach him.

I have one of these, he is now in Y11.

He found secondary school easier to cope with than primary, for several reasons.

Lunchtimes are easier because there's more choice of food. He can eat the same thing every day if he wants to (which he does, because he has sensory issues and can only cope with certain textures / smells. There is no expectation to 'play' or join in with kicking a ball in the playground, he can go to the library and read all lunchtime if he wants to.

His primary school was supportive in that they brought in a secondary maths teacher and secondary science teacher to do KS3 work 1:1 with him, and took him to a local secondary school to do his practicals.

However, the advantage of his secondary school is that there are other children being taught at the same level as him.

Also, because there are more children in each year, he has found some kindred spirits (mostly through orchestra and dungeons & dragons club, but also in maths club and chess club) so it's better socially too.

We are v lucky - our local secondary is rural and small (500ish). DD (ASD) has just started Y7 - we were terrified. She is very academic, but struggles with organisation, navigation around places that are very familiar, food, lunchtimes - all sorts! It has been amazing. As a PP said - lunches are easy because there is more choice, and they don't force vegetables on her. She has joined 3 after school clubs (having never willingly participated in an extra-curricular activity). She uses the library at lunchtime so can decompress and escape from the social stuff for a while. The work and lessons are more interesting - it's the first time she has not been bored at school.
So make the best choice you can, see what feels like the best fit, but he may surprise you!

My son who is now 24 went to a wonderful comprehensive ,very large but it has an asd base attached where the kids can go at any time .He actually flourished and came away with his exams ,went on to do a degree and has just got a distinction in his masters .I would explore all options and visit as many schools as you can .In case you are in our part of the country ..Dorset

That's really good to hear. I have heard people saying it improved at secondary but then others saying they got excluded not long after starting. He seems to be improving at present so hopefully we will continue on that trend.

His primary have been really good though 4 different Heads has been a headache. He eats the same food pretty much everyday so he will appreciate having repetition and more choice. He generally hasn't been too bad with school meals but we have had a few slumps on the floor when they suddenly change the menu and crises like "meatballs just appeared out of nowhere" occurred but the planner didn't say that.

The lack of TAs and them changing every lesson worries me, he needs a mother in school! I think we are just going to have to go round schools again and see how they would manage it. Went to 4 plus DD girls school last year but 3 out of 4 have new Heads so need to do it all again! Thanks for your help.

My DS is also going into year 7 next year and I am also terrified. He has a diagnosis though - can I ask why you don't have one? Anyway I'm just watching this thread to hopefully hear some positive things! I spoke to the SENCO at the school my DD goes to on Monday and she really reassured me (they do a lot of work with transition to secondary - meeting with us, come to the school to talk to current teacher and SENCO, separate induction days as well as the normal ones. When at the school they have lots of support including a place to go at breaktimes etc). Have you spoken in depth to the SENCOs at the schools you are looking at?

I wish we had the smaller schools here though he actually says he wants a large one so he's got more friends. Smallest is about 1,500. We are London border, did look vaguely at moving elsewhere but couldn't find a much better option.

Maybe ask for a meeting with the Senco of each school, to talk about his needs, and how they have managed to support similar children? The vibe of that will tell you a lot.

The diagnosis is a long story. Head 1 thought he was the opposite of a ASD child, Head 2 thought it may be ASD then Head 3 started and didn't want us to get a diagnosis. He really loved my son, spoilt him rotten, desk and toys in his office, own tent, full time TA, spent half the week with him. He then got ousted and Head 4 wanted us to get a diagnosis so they could get an EHCP so we've started the process but its a long wait list. Now school have decided he doesn't need a TA so won't be doing an EHCP.

That's a great idea to speak to the other schools sencos. Our senco said she would help with secondaries but hasn't yet though is very good. I'm not sure she knows the secondaries that well. She has said she will pass everything over and help as much as she can.