Anyone got a DC at private school?

[ifonly4]

If you have a DC at private school, do they have friends who they really like, talk about, go out with at school, chat to or see in the holidays?

DD has moved from state to private for Sixth Form and says not many engage with eachother (not her personally) and she's finding this hard. Classroom sizes are tiny in Sixth form reducing the chance of making friends through interests, so there isn't much scope for friends there. She knows she can't expect to make friends straight away. It maybe that she's just used to being at a large school where they'll be always lots of pupils to engage with and, therefore, if you don't get on with some, there's still somewhere to fit in and be yourself.

It is only a week or two into term - I think it's a bit early to be worried about not making friends, and I would guess it is more to do with moving schools and the change from GCSE (big classes, lots of things done as a form group) to sixth form (smaller classes, more individual study time) than anything to do with state v private.

Have most of the other pupils come up through the same school? It is always hard to break into existing friendship groups - I changed school for sixth form and found the existing school 'tribes' rather fixed and hard to break into.

Even if she doesn't see much interaction going on, I am sure that people who have known each other all through secondary will be catching up outside school and in constant contact on social media.

Maybe she should try finding some of the other new starters and trying to get to know them?

Is there any buddy system for new starters to help them socially? Dd doesn't meet friends out of school a lot but they are often on sm. She has more than one circle of friends - some share her activities and interests , others are those doing a mixture of subjects but she has known a while, others in her timetable sets - although there are crossovers.

My daughter is at an independent girls school. She's been there since 11 and has just gone into the upper sixth. She has a big friendship group, which includes many boys from the nearby boys school, and a smaller number of very close friends.

They tend to meet at weekends at parties or smaller "gatherings". There is not much socialising during the week, except in the hour or so after school, in school clubs or on the trains before and after school. Her school takes children from quite a wide geographic area so meeting up with friends in the evenings is not really practical.

Is it a private sixth form college (crammer)? If so maybe they all have friends from their old schools and aren't fussed about making new friends.
What are the socialising opportunities? What do pupils do at lunchtime for example?

As per another writer I think this I has more to do with the new term and new starter than any private/state difference. I changed for A levels from a comprehensive to a grammar and it took a while to make friends and get invited anywhere. The fact the grammar was 20 miles away didn't help but that is a side issue. Even in class it was a little strange for a while.

Are there any other new starters? It is a little strange they haven't paired her up to be honest but it is a little late for that.

Standard routine for making friends is finding common interests so she is going to have to talk to people more and create opportunities to talk. Hard work but worth it in the long run. I wasn't the only one to shift at 16 and several couldn't face the change and needed their friends back. Tough stuff for a teenager.

My DS at a private school with small classes ate lunch on his own for a good few months before finally settling in to friendships. It's hard and can take a while. I hope she finds her groove soon.

Have you spoken to the house mother at her boarding house?
We were speaking to DDs house mother recently and she had a really good handle on how DD was coping.
The HM was really clear that her role is to provide the pastoral and emotional support, so I hope she'd be able to help your DD identify some possible friends.

I work at a private school. They never stop talking/singing/screeching/laughing together. orders earplugs

Not 6th form yet but in DD'S 6th form they have an ice breaker induction day and a social event after week 2. She's Y10 and doesn't see friends that often because of geographic spread and sports fixtures eating into weekends that could be sleepovers. It's very different from her friends from primary who socialise every evening. Has your DD stayed connected with her school friends fom Year 11?

God, they're just teenage kids, not another species!

Of course they engage with each other. They have conversations, they have arguments, they fall out with each other, they make up, they text each other constantly, just like "normal" kids do, you know?

The issue is not this, it's the fact that your daughter has switched schools at sixth form. It's always hard to break into established friendship groups at that age - I know, because I had to do it myself when we moved house just after I had started sixth form and it was really, really hard.

Sorry - posted too soon. I did make friends eventually but it took several weeks to settle, and then longer to find the ones I would bond with for the sixth form. Give it time.

Hi, thanks for your replies. I was just trying to make sense of it all, so I hope I didn't offend anyone.

We do have another issue going on, something's not as we thought - half school not being clear/we didn't think to doublecheck/certain things can't happen as school anticipated, and the school are doing everything they can to come up with alternatives.

I know it's early days and there will be settling in issues, but DD came from a primary and secondary school where children fell over themselves to get the new kids into their group, so that's a bit of a shock. My DD says U6 are the life and soul of the house, and said from the start no one really talks to eachother (and not her in particular) - reading between the lines some do make friends. I found out last night out of 9 in L6, five have left since the start of term, new and old pupils. DD has been speaking to HM about this and apparently they've left for all genuine reasons.

School have been fantastic, listened and I don't think they've mismanaged anything (U6 welcomed them, they have a Sixth Form forum, loads of house events, seem genuinely caring and helpful people). Anyway, we have a meeting tomorrow with school and DD, to help come to a conclusion whether she is better off there or her old school, and they've told us they'll be no pressure to keep her there if it's not right.

I assume with sixth form, the majority of pupils move up from school and are already in established friendships. Perhaps your dd can join any after school
activities.

She needs to join in as much as possible outside the classroom - clubs, sport, school play, choir, community service, DofE, CCF whatever floats her boat and is on offer. Not only will keeping busy distract her from settling in woes, she will meet a wider group of like minded kids

I think it is still early days, if she keeps making efforts, she will find her group of friends.

One point to note is most students may moved up from the same secondary school, they may have their own group chats on social media. That might be the reason your DD doesn't see much interaction on surface.

Sixth form is really different. DS1 has moved from a small independant school to a huge college, eveyday he is rushing to the lessons, there is no break time between lessons. He doesn't have anyone he knows in his lessons despite he does has a group of his friends from secondary in this college. We didn't realise this, as the college is huge, and every one has different lessons, and one subject has 20 or 30 classes. But he does meet his friends at lunch break,that's the only time possible, they contact each other by imessage, choose a canteen to sit. DS1 is also in the stage to get to know his classmate's names It's a totally different experience, and it's certainly a stepping stone to university.

Ifonly - I hope the meeting went well yesterday.