Boarding school suitable for 'sensitive' boy

[cherie32]

DS has just started Yr 4 and I'm trying to get my head around suitable secondary schools. I've attended open days of all the school options on my list and shortened it down to (still a rather long list, in order of preference) Eton, Westminster, Tonbridge, Harrow, Winchester, Radley, Wellington Coll.

To shorten the list further down, I'd be grateful for advice from mums with DC in these schools on which would not suit characteristics of my DS..

He's so far reasonably academic, loves sports and does a lot of it (though not the best at it, he's borderline team B and A in all key sports at his prep). Though he has a lot of friends, he is introverted and can be shy. He's very emotionally connected to me/his dad and is relatively sensitive. He's an only child, and an ethnic minority.

Now I hear boarding schools have really moved on from the conventional 'only macho boys will thrive' and that they cater for all sorts. But I still wonder if the Harrows / Radleys and Wellingtons will be too sporty/macho for him.

Perhaps Winchester is more suited to a non-macho type, but to be honest I couldn't picture him there at all. It was too musical / too quirky / not much focus on sports.

His current prep school will board from 11-13, so will give both DS and I a chance to see how he gets on with it, so he will have had the boarding experience before going on to the secondary school.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated!

Appreciate all the comments and thoughts. To clarify a few things...

I'm quite sold on the idea of boarding, because like StikeStoker says, a good boarding school provides a lot more than academics and sports. The additional hours/activities provide a richer experience and sense of responsibility.

In an ideal world, I'll find a 'nurturing' boarding school that allows frequent access to parents. Or else do a 'Day Boarding' setup like possible with Westminster or Wellington College, where you have the long, structured days at school but go home to sleep each evening. This in my opinion is the best of both worlds. I wish the more conventional boarding schools like Eton etc. would start moving towards a more flexible boarding option.

Logistically there are no suitable day schools near us. So our options are to send DS boarding or to move house closer to London (work commute + London day school).

Question to the two posters who suggested Harrow not being suitable for a sensitive boy, may I ask how recent your experience was please? Can you expand on the experience please (e.g. bullying..)?

I wish the more conventional boarding schools like Eton etc. would start moving towards a more flexible boarding option.

I can't even ...

Realistically, part of the richness of experience that boarding provides comes from having pupils from very far away. It is, paradoxically, the opposite of exclusive. Your suggestion, OP would make that particular school the preserve of London /Berkshire dwellers. It's not something I would welcome.

My DS primarily full boarded for 11 years, he and I were very close before he went and now at 19 we remain very close. He has not been damaged in any way by the experience. I am a great advocate for boarding. I have also worked in boarding schools.
It's also very difficult to look at a yr 4 child and imagine them at Eton Win Coll etc.
But having said all of this from primarily professional experience very "sensitive" children can struggle in boarding schools. Realistically you need to be quite robust to thrive.
Secondly how a sensitive child gets on can be staff dependent in particular the HM, in one school I know both were very dedicated but one had a man up approach the other was more shall we say touchy feely for want of a better term.
My advise is pick a couple of those on your list that your really like, all Pre test and then see what happens. All are over subscribed so are not going to take him just to fill their vacancies, all have experience of interviewing and will know what they're looking for in a candidate, no school wants a child who is going to be unhappy, for the child's sake and those around him; a very unhappy child will have a significant effect on those around him.
I agree with gruach full boarding only schools have a more diverse intake and will have a totally different feel to schools which offer more flexible boarding. If it's a more flexible approach to boarding that you want then Westminster Wellington and Tonbridge should be on the top of your list. SPS also offers boarding.
One final point you say your DS is "reasonably academic" unless your being modest I would have thought he might struggle to get into some on your list. The super selectives are very over subscribed and I predict will become even more so over the next few years as there will be more very able international applicants and can afford to be very picky and choose the brightest.
Do talk to your prep school head if its a prep that goes to year 8 then hopefully the head should have lots of experience of advising parents on suitable schools, do listen to his advise.

Have you considered Bedales? There is flexi-boarding in the Prep, and the pastoral care is very good. Definitely not a macho school, but not the hippy-dippy one it is portrayed as either.

Nice article here;

www.bedales.org.uk/news/bedales-features-tatler%E2%80%99s-top-schools-guide

My experience is current. I wouldn't send a boy there if you paid me.

It is not a case of bullying at Harrow, more that robust boys fit in better with the ethos. Sporty boys are Gods. It's work Gard and play hard. There is a clear "pecking" order defined by parental influence and choice of House. How do I know? DDs boyfriend and lots of her other friends went there. Suited them but sensitive ones tended to leave after y11. All of them would say you can find your niche there (music, drama, sport, etc) but it can be a bit intimidating. I would certainly send the right sort of boy there because it's a fantastic school, but not one for a sensitive boy. You could look round and see what you think.

However scholars funded by the Beckwith foundation are given super opportunities there. They flourish even though they are from poorer backgrounds.

Work hard... not Gard

Thanks for all the thoughts everyone, all very valuable..

I have a 'sensitive, introvert' ds at Radley and the pastoral care is very very good. It is a very welcoming school to parents and you can see your ds as much or as little as you please.

If you'd like to pm, I'd be happy to offer my experience of Radley.

Boarding school is no place for a 'sensitive' boy.

LonGone, what makes you say that? Also doesn't it very much depend on the boy and the school. Your comment could equally apply to a large comp or hot House grammar.

LonGone. why? Are you thinking about a particular school?