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Secondary education

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Original poster

Unhappy DS at sixth form

34 replies

Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 17:41

So, I am not sure how I expect MN to solve this for me but DH is in full on rant mode and DS is in either indignant squeaking or grim tearful silence mode so I just need a bit of support really.

Some of you may be familiar with the story from other threads but here it is:

DS went to normal local secondary which for some stupid reason has its sixth form in a separate town with different senior personnel. Early in year 11 the SF couldn't and wouldn't commit to A level Spanish, DS's best subject by a long way.

So, we shopped around and went to various open evenings. the choice then boiled down to the original school or the sixth form college (we aren't a normal SF college area) in a town a 30 minute bus ride away.

After GCSE results day, it became a definite that school 1 was offering Spanish but that DS still couldn't do it in combination with his other allegedly preferred subjects.

DS is a terrible communicator and quite anxious. He went for an induction to the college and promptly changed his option choices (again!) but said he wanted to go there. Doing Spanish, French, Politics and business.

He has done two days and is upset, unhappy, hates French, hates core maths (that they have to do). he does not know that the original school are prepared to take him back doing Spanish, politics and business. Apart form full marks in his Spanish GCSE, French was his only other genuinely high result. he got an A. But he finds the teaching intimidating and says his class ahs lots of fluent speakers.

He could just drop French at the new place but he still says he hates it.

What would you do? Cut your losses and send him back to his original school? Or make him stick it out , having made the decision himself to go to the college...?

He is genuinely unhappy but he has only been for two days. That said, if he is going to change , it has to be sooner rather than later.

No one tells you this stage of parenting is the most stressful yet!!!

probably millions of stress induce typos in this

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 12/09/2017 17:44

If I were him I'd change now, really quickly. I taught A levels and those who switched early on were much better off.

Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 17:46

I know this as am a teacher... it just seems so - unresilient. He is not a natural learning lover . What if he hates the other one just as much or more??

All eh ahs done today is send me texts which just say 'booooo' so there is some very silly emotional blackmail going on.. and he doesn't even know he can change back yet!

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Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 17:56

Should also add he has to reduce to 3 A levels to go to original school .He was doing 4 with a view to dropping one after AS which both places make the do.

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unfortunateevents · 12/09/2017 18:19

I would move him asap. Not sure why your DH is in full-on rant mode?

DS2 has moved towns for SF college although he could have stayed in his original much smaller school. School started last week and college this week so I am watching like a hawk for any signs of wavering as, although the window for changing back is about another two weeks, I know from DS1 that the step up to SF is large and the work starts immediately. It's difficult enough if you are on it from day 1 but having to catch up the first few weeks work just makes it doubly difficult.

If the original school had been able to commit to Spanish early on you wouldn't even have been looking at this SF college?

AtiaoftheJulii · 12/09/2017 18:28

If the original school had been able to commit to Spanish early on you wouldn't even have been looking at this SF college?

^ this

I'm inclined to say just move him back asap too. If he's happy with politics and business?

Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 18:45

Happy but not convinced that he will do all that brilliantly in either...

But yes you are right we wouldn't have looked elsewhere if they had committed to Spanish ... however, we still would have been in a position that French clashed with everything at that stage.And at that point French was not something we knew he would apparently 'hate'.

Oh sigh. DH is ranting because that's his MO when stressed.

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Bluntness100 · 12/09/2017 18:48

Call the second school, ask if they have a place for him. If yes, let him move, if no, he's stuck with it. If you don't call and ask he will flunk and blame you, even though it's his fault.

Romain · 12/09/2017 18:49

Hi
As a parent of a restarter. In our Ds,s case it went from bad to worse. I would change as soon as possible. Maybe present him with the task of sorting it out himself. If he really wants to swap hopefully he will be motivated to make the phone calls. He will have then invested in the move

TheFallenMadonna · 12/09/2017 18:52

Why hasn't he been involved in the conversation with his old school?

Cafeconleche · 12/09/2017 19:02

piggy I'd be inclined to move him back, but he really has to think it through. My DS had to move to a new SFC because his old school couldn't offer Spanish A Level. He's finding it tough to adjust at the moment; he joined his old school midway through year 9 and, finally having made some really close friends, is now having to do the same all over again. This is what's making him grumpy (I'm hoping) but it's early days. He's actually quite enjoying the teaching and freedom of a SFC, but it would be a nightmare if he didn't like his new teachers as he loved the ones at his old school who would have been teaching his other A Levels. Two days no time at all and your DS may feel differently this time next week if he drops French and has found his feet a bit more. But I realise the clock is ticking and you need to make a decision. I guess the best thing to do would be to sit him down and talk it through with him. Was he happy at his old school? Did he like his teachers? Does he miss his friends? Are there A* kids on his other A Level courses at his old school who are going to knock his confidence in the same way the French speakers at his new SFC have? On the other hand SFC does give you a chance to reinvent yourself and wipe the slate clean. If he does go back to his old school he will have to stick with it. Oh, and ignore your DH's rants - I take no notice of mine Grin. If your DS does decide to go back and is happy, what's the problem? In the meantime Wine might help (for you, not your DS)

OffcialMalbecTaster · 12/09/2017 19:07

I was your son and I wish Id swapped this quickly. I lasted 4/6wks and then left. Ended up at home having a major depreasion episode for several months before getting a job and then went to the other college the following september where I flourished and went onto a great uni. I would offer the chance to switch now.

Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 19:17

Call the second school, ask if they have a place for him

I have bluntness. Maybe I didn't make that bit clear. They can take him (after getting all their facts wrong last week which is a whole other rant!) but DS doesn't know that yet.

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Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 19:18

fallen I'm not sure what your point is?

I emailed to find out if it was even a possibility to move back. After all the choices he was given last week I didn't want to overwhelm him.

He's an anxious person .

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Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 19:22

Hi café - long time no chat/ compare DSs!!

I agree with what you say.

I think there will be other A* students but his issue with French at the SFC is all the native speakers. He isn't used to that and the insensitive teacher is clearly babbling away in French and perhaps not differentiating ...DS is very easily thrown.

To contextualise we have had school wobbles before. he was a school refuser in year 8 which is why we always want to make sure he is certain in his decision which HE said he was ! Hence DH ranting...

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Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 19:22

ps café I still think we have the same DS!!

Same thing about moving schools in Y9 too! (or 8 in our case)

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Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 19:24

malbec yes that is partly what worries me.

btw to all, he doesn't have many friends. He is a recluse really. Poor DS :(

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Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 19:25

I do think part of it is the 5.30 return home every day. He isn't liking that!

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TheFallenMadonna · 12/09/2017 19:35

It was a question rather than a point. However, I do think you should be discussing together whether he changes school, and what the options are.

Leeds2 · 12/09/2017 19:35

I would present him with the options, and tell him once he has decided there is no going back!
From what you say, I think he would be better going back to his old school, but he may be happier with this if he sees it as "his" decision.
Good Luck to him.

Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 19:37

Have involved him in conversations , just haven't revealed that I have done some digging on his behalf.

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SoPassRemarkable · 12/09/2017 19:47

Let him decide, but tell him he needs to decide really by the end of this week and stick with that decision.

My brother did this, actually he moved at half term. He was very unhappy and came back from new sixth form boarding school for a week's break but brought all his stuff back, got home and refused to return! He was a lot happier back at himself old school.

yikesanotherbooboo · 12/09/2017 19:48

Agree with Leeds2 ; go through pros and cons carefully with him... in my heart I would be thinking change but let him take control of the decision and its consequences. Yes he's an anxious boy who might benefit from pushing boundaries but not to the extent that it is making him ill.

Cafeconleche · 12/09/2017 20:07

I know piggy - same DSs, similar GCSE results and remark anxiety (still awaiting the raw marks per question before deciding, but that's a rant for another thread Angry) and 6th form dilemmas. As others have said, I'd go through all the pros and cons with your DS and give him a fees days to decide. Maybe he'll give his new SFC a chance if he knows he has another option. Stranger things have happened...

Original poster
Piggywaspushed · 12/09/2017 20:08

I worry a great deal about him beyond sixth form being one of those who hates uni as soon as he gets there. At some point he needs to sort his own problems. Anyway, thanks ladies : I think you are all correct.

He has been consulted and says he wants to go back to his old school. he is now smiling.

For now...

I have two DCs starting new schools and phases of education at the same time. It's a bloody nightmare.

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Cafeconleche · 12/09/2017 20:12

...few days

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