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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Homework hell - new year 7 tips?

42 replies

incywincyspideragain · 10/09/2017 17:16

First week of secondary school and ds has done great in school - 1 wobble about getting lost but mostly enjoying going and has had some merits already, homework however is a major issue. We decided that habit should be to do some every night so it doesn't get over whelming, he started on Tuesday and has had 5 pieces of work, one was handed out on Thursday to be in on Friday. Its been a shock for him, he is incredibly physically tired (short bus route, walking and walking around all day) but I don't think I'm going to cope with the melt downs about doing anything at home... shouting, crying, being generally vile. He's been 'working' today on the 30 minute homework for geography for 2 hours, what he has written amounts to 15 minutes work (and is of dubious quality)
I'm convinced this is fear - he doesn't feel like he is competent to do it, kind of brain freeze so kicks off rather than being calm and working it through. Fair to say he has no resilience to the challenge - he found primary challenging so this isn't just a step up to being challenged for the first time, its a feeling of not being able to do it and then kicking off (fight not flight)
Any tips or strategies to help? anyone been through this and have a break through? I don't want him to fail but am not going to do it for him, neither can I dedicate hours every evening/weekend to his tantrums, its also not fair on my other 2 boys who have done nothing this afternoon

OP posts:

Trb17 · 10/09/2017 17:30

Watching with interest as DD is struggling with moving into Y7 so, whilst I haven't any tips of my own to offer yet, I'm listening for any advice given.

physicskate · 10/09/2017 17:55

Carol dweck, growth mindset and grit come to mind. Highly recommend mindset by carol dweck. Essentially your ds needs to start learning from mistakes, not fearing making them. It's ok to have a go and get stuff wrong, just try to make it a bit better next time. He'll soon learn what the teacher expects!

Original poster

incywincyspideragain · 10/09/2017 19:47

Physicskate - I've read on growth mind set but how do you tackle it when they won't even try?? It's a strong fear, I'm worried by sending him in with homework not done the teachers will assume he's defiant (bitter experience) as apposed to needing support

OP posts:

YogiYoni · 10/09/2017 19:51

I'm a teacher in a secondary school. If this was homework I'd set and you put a note in his book that he spent two hours on it and this is as much as he could do, I'd simply write a cheery "ok. Thanks for letting me know" next to it and consider the homework done. I don't set tasks I don't think children can manage. If they struggle, i'd rather know so that I can rethink the next pieces.

You'll probably find homework will tail off in a few weeks too.

Singap0reSling · 10/09/2017 20:00

Does your DS have a homework timetable? Our school gave yr7s a timetable of the subjects and days on which they may receive homework - it helped to plan and see what to expect throughout the week.

Secondly, is there any advice about how long they are to spend on the homework? Again in yr 7 we were told no more than 20 mins per subject. If that's the case, then use and set a timer - he will be able to see how long he's got, work for that 20 mins and then it's "all over". If he doesn't finish the task, you write him a note to take in for his teacher explaining he's done the required 20 mins and can do no more this time.

He needs to learn that not finishing the task (for now, at this stage) is an "acceptable" failure. He will grow and learn to cope as the weeks go on and he will work better and finish homework successfully and happily once he's settled in.

Even though you have 2 other kids, is there some way you can make time to spend helping him each evening? 30 mins whilst the younger ones are occupied doing something? He can rely on that time with you, and learn to work on his own the rest of the time.

These first weeks are tough for many kids, it's also the time when many schools do a big push to acclimatise kids to secondary school workload, but it doesn't mean that they want to see kids drowning and not coping.

Better that he learns to ask for help now than in later years. Good luck.

ChoudeBruxelles · 10/09/2017 20:04

No help here. We've had tears because ds misunderstood the instructions for his art homework so spent more time redoing it.

We're having new rules from tomorrow. He has to do a piece of homework when he gets home before he's allowed on the Xbox.

Doesn't help he's shattered as he has to get the bus at 7.34.

Original poster

incywincyspideragain · 10/09/2017 20:19

YogiYoni - the 2 hours was ranting and raving about it (with 15 minutes of actual work) as apposed to him struggling with the academic content what was set, I think the teacher had pitched it right for a 30 minutes piece and he is capable but unwilling out of fear of failure, I'm not sure how to put that in a note (primary experience was that they just thought we should reinforce it and he would eventually do it... nope... we're still stuck..)

Singap0reSling - no time table but guidance of 30 minutes every day, I'm ok with the not finishing but not with the not trying and doing something. We have 30 minutes set aside each day (from this week!) everyone sits at table, ds1 can choose to go to his desk in room (its a bungalow and his room is off kitchen dinner so its within calling distance for help) Littler 2 do some homework, spellings or their reading (on even just a focused (quiet) task like colouring or a jigsaw) whilst ds (theoretically) does his homework. I know its early days but am already getting stressed at energy he's using to fight it rather than crack on

ChoudeBruxelles - tears here on Friday morning as 2 pieces due in that day and he'd not realised and only done one but managed to get it together enough to do something on his english planning, I've said he needs to come home do 30 minutes and then his time is his - he's choosing to argue for hours though, hoping for a strategy from, the more experienced that will set us on the right path!

OP posts:

nocampinghere · 10/09/2017 20:55

30 minutes a day is not realistic imo... unless he can do a lot at the weekend?

personally i wouldn't take the battle on. he's secondary now, time for a bit of independence and determination.
encourage and facilitate, but don't battle.

nocampinghere · 10/09/2017 20:58

luckily for me DD's secondary don't set homework for the first 2 weeks of school. give them a time to settle in... get used to the journey etc, plus they're shattered. So i may be back here in a week or so looking for advice too - sorry if my post above seemed smug, wasn't my intention, just how i plan to play it.

lacebell10 · 10/09/2017 20:58

My DD is in year 8. Last year she struggled at tgr start as primary hmwk was v minimal. made a deal that upto tea was her time to relax. After tea was hmwk time. Any time left before bed was hers. She soon learnt that less procrastination meant more time on Sims. Plus the threat that she'd miss Guides if not done.

SavoyCabbage · 10/09/2017 21:02

At my dd's school they can do their homework in the library after school. Or before. Does his secondary finish earlier than his primary? Could you get him to see that extra 25 minutes or whatever it is as time he would have spent in school anyway.

My attitude is that it has to be done. So crack on. You don't want to do your homework after school and I don't want to wash the kitchen floors after work. But we have to.

NeonFlower · 10/09/2017 21:02

OK, here are my thoughts - he is in year 7. First, make sure YOU are not getting anxious about him completing it or doing it well. Praise ANYTHING. Don't get into critical parent mode or inadvertantly put him off. Suggest he just looks at the question for 5-10 minutes and figures out what he needs to do, then he sits down to do it at a later time of his choosing (his mind will be working on it in between). Let him choose when and where he studies, on floor or in front of tv, listening to music, let him figure out how he does it best (this also models that it is his responsibility). Ask him if he would like you to look it over or if he is happy with it. Resist pointing out mistakes (your job is to improve his confidence, not correct his work). Praise it. Don't stress if he has not done it by bedtime and has to do it then,or has to do it over breakfast the next morning - this is how he learns to organise himself, and also that it is not the end of the world (time pressure may actually help). Me and DH were always the types to do homework straight away, but actually both dd's prefer to do it later, or Sunday evening. They always get it done.

DizzyDandelion · 10/09/2017 21:05

So glad our secondary seems sensible round homework [very little in year 7]. So far, none in first week year 8 and bits and bobs just coming in..
However, when we do get it it is often the 'getting started' that is the issue.
Does the school have a homework club?
Perhaps talk to form tutor re is fears round failure and struggling?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 10/09/2017 21:07

We have had similar tantrums in KS2. The first couple of times I sympathised and cajoled. The third time I calmly pointed out he could waste half an hour crying,raging and complaining and then still have to spend another half hour doing the homework, or he could just spend half an hour on the homework to start with, his choice. Definitely did the trick. Would that approach work for you?

yomellamoHelly · 10/09/2017 21:07

Does the school have a homework club (where he'll get help doing it)? Then he won't have anything left to do when he gets home. Might also be worth sending his form tutor / head of year / SENCO an email saying what the issue is. United front and all that ....

lindylove14 · 10/09/2017 21:19

Local super-selective grammar school has a policy of no homework for the first two weeks, to allow them to get used to the journey. However DD's bog standard comprehensive has no such rule however and set a lot from Day 1. They also have no homework timetable so some days she comes home with something from every lesson (5 per day). It sucks. She's older now and has leaned to cope with it, but it was a real battle to begin with, and for most of the first year, I had to sit with her and help / nurture her while she did it. I don't think she had much clue of what was expected; some children are super-keen to please / make a good impression, more than is needed.
Our only golden rule has always been to do as much as possible on the day it was set - otherwise you end up getting behind and having a throughly miserable weekend too.

physicskate · 10/09/2017 22:33

Part of mindset is the language that you use. Part of it is allowing 'failure' - especially when the stakes are small, like on homework. Allow your child to face consequences and learn from mistakes.

Have you learned the power of 'yet'?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 10/09/2017 23:15

I pretty soon gave up with cajoling, we had the "wasting ages raging about it" too.

Easier said than done I know - but I tried not to engage with the arguing, left him in the dining room and went to do something else.

Year 7 last year, now year 8.

I've told him this year I'm available for advice if he asks, otherwise it's really down to him and if he doesn't do it he can face the consequences at school. He is pretty motivated by collecting the school reward points and not getting any of the negatives.

We've also worked out some strategies for reducing time spent - I think lots of homework is pretty pointless tbh so in some cases "job done, tick it off" is a better approach than "this has to be perfect".

My son can power through maths worksheets in no time but hates the more open-ended tasks as he doesn't know where to start. So any guidance I give is usually in giving a couple of suggestions for these.

But - child 2 has started year 7 and I fear there will be issues ahead - the boy can easily take an hour to sharpen a pencil.

eddiemairswife · 11/09/2017 10:51

So much for all those people who insist that homework in primary school is a good thing, because it prepares children for doing it in secondary school.

Showandtell · 11/09/2017 10:53

dd3 started year 7 and hasn't had ANY homework yet. But I am insisting she starts to read the book they are doing in English. She has to hand over her phone, get changed, wash her hands, have a snack and sit and read for half an hour before anything else. No youtube or ps4 etc until after dinner and then only half an hour. Phone left downstairs overnight.

JonSnowsWife · 11/09/2017 11:01

Hi OP. My DD has just started Y7 and we are having similar issues.

She came home Thursday and was out like a light by 8pm, I think it's only just hitting her how much work is involved. Can you ask the school or get DS to ask if they have any homework clubs? This seems to help children keep on top of all the homework.

DDs school has homework club at lunchtime so doesn't need to stay after school and can still get the school bus back. I've told her to ask today but she's been a bit nervous in a whole new environment.

flissfloss65 · 11/09/2017 11:01

Is he willing to sit with you and chat through his homework and breakdown what he could do for that piece?

My ds ds used to get overwhelmed at primary school but settled to it if I sat nearby so he could query anything. Gradually he just got on with it.

wangxiaosara · 11/09/2017 11:32

Ds' old primary school only give out 2 pieces of homewor on Fridays (10 minutes each). Now he is expecting to complete 3 pieces of homework every evening (20 minutes each). Last week the school has been easy on the homeworks, ds only received 4 pieces in total (only 3 school days though), however in the coming weeks, he is expected to going into the normal routine. I am a little worried as ds' school day finishes at 3:45pm, then at least 3 out of 5 days he will stay until 5pm (free extra curriculums/clubs run from 4 - 5 everyday) and get home around 6. He needs to complete his homework, have dinner and some screen time etc. From year 8, he is homework load would be more (around 1 and half hour worth of work). We just have to muddle through it. :(

Bekabeech · 11/09/2017 11:40

I've had the ranting and stress but my DS has a SEN. Could your son have a SEN that hasn't been spotted yet?
Did he understand what he had to do? Did he understand how to do it? Did he really? Or is it so obvious to you that you haven't really checked?
Does he work better getting up even earlier? Is he doing too many "other" things?
If he continues to stress then I would contact the school for further advice and guidance. I often signed my DCs incomplete homework with a sign of how much time had been spent.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 11/09/2017 11:40

If anyone is getting into real difficulties do contact the form tutor - they should be able to help by suggesting strategies, or at least being aware that there is a problem.

(ex-year-7-form-tutor here).

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