Anyone else got a socially anxious child new to year 7?

[Yvetteballs]

It would be nice to chat to other parents in a similar situation. At the moment, as expected, all I'm having from other parents is how happy and excited their dc are to be in in year 7.

DD has traits of selective mutism. She communicates happily with us and with her best friend who is at another school. At school, she will put her hand up and answer questions but will not initiate any social conversations.
The main issue for her is the loneliness. If she was comfortable, she'd want to be running round the corridors raucously at lunch time, but instead, she sits and reads which is fine but she's not being fully herself. She also fears failure, so is terrified of bringing in the wrong books or saying something stupid.
My issue is the gnawing stress and sadness that she struggles with the mental energy expended on this loneliness and the desire for her to be happy and at ease. I also am again experiencing the crushing feeling of having connected well with parents and their slow withdrawal as they realise our girls are not going to be friends.
SENCO and year head have lots of info from me. I am not wanting advice so much as to chat to others going through the same.
Many thanks for reading.

Yes, we have this. DD has health issues, no friends in her class and is really struggling. She says she's lonely. One of her best friends at primary is in same school and has also told DD that she (friend) got a letter telling her she's a 'promising student' based on CAT tests, so that's destroyed a bit more of DDs confidence in week one. Not friends fault at all, she's proud and that's understandable but really, why would a school send a letter like that in the first week. We're really struggling to buoy DD up.
One of the reasons we chose the school is we thought it didn't stream; but the classes have been 'mixed up' according to DD already and some students gave letters telling them they're showing promise, based on tests taken before they started. Argh. Starting to wonder if we've made a mistake.

I don't have this - but ds1 is shy. We are encouraging him to go to lunchtime clubs rather than sitting alone, as he is currently unable to initiate conversation with the (perfectly nice) children in his class. Hopefully one of them will eventually speak to him first at break time/lunch time and new friendships will be forged.

Yvette - my DD is in year 6, but much of what you say ring bells with me. I know what you mean about the energy and stress spent dealing with minor social problems, and a child who is distressed not to be top of the class, make a mistake etc. And Christ, how it makes you ache for them.

Sadly don't have any useful tips. I talk to DD about resilience, being proud of being different, being kind is all that matters ultimately, but goodness, it's a struggle. Everyday when I met her from school, I brace myself to deal with the outpouring of emotions that follows a bad day. Exhausting for both of us.

Thank you fret, barbarian and bookridden for your replies. It's helped as I was feeling low tonight after she screamed at top pitch just now, "I hate school!"
I wish there was some way in which I could motivate her to take tiny steps to make friends.
Barbarian-she has to pick 3 clubs to attend over the 2 week cycle which I'm pleased about as she would rule herself out of activities she enjoys if she wasn't forced to do some. I think she'll be doing choir, swimming and climbing club.
Fretnworry- the letters to the 'gifted' students sound a very insensitive thing to do. It maybe the classes are being mixed to encourage mire socialising, rather than streaming, maybe?
Bookridden- you're right it so tugs at the heart. My do finds it to hard to think about so I end up being the one to listen, cuddle and support. I'd like if we could help her together.

Lunch clubs were the thing that really helped my now Yr 11 DD. I think they are a brilliant idea. They really helped her make friends and initially went to one every lunch time and later dropped some when the friends she made from them just started to meet up automatically at lunch time to eat together. She still does the music clubs and they have really brought her a good little group of friends. She started very shakily with plenty of tears in the first term but now she stresses about it being her last year of GCSEs because she's so happy there. I think plenty of kids have problems initially, especially the shy anxious ones but by Christmas, they've mostly settled down.

Thanks this again. Funnily, or not, lunch clubs have been a major trauma today. I have been waiting for school to publish lot of clubs so I can go thru them with DD and help her choose. Instead, I've heard nothing, but they've had a clubs fair in the hall.
DD arrived alone, saw crowds of children round desks, could not negotiate the whole thing and left having signed up for nothing. Now some of the clubs are fully signed up.
I feel really frustrated and annoyed that someone who really needs to go to clubs has had the worst introduction to them. I will email her head of year maybe tho DD has asked me not to.

Does she have some kind of Pastoral Care teacher? That person would be able to keep a special eye out for her, contact staff who run clubs to see if they can fit her in if the ones she fancies are "full" or find some nice, kind pupils (maybe older ones?) to buddy her up with until she finds her feet a bit. This is my rôle in a big secondary school so have had a bit of experience with this kind of thing 😃

My child with some mild special needs and social difficulties can go to some special clubs fir vulnerable children at lunch. She was booked in when the SENCO visited his primary school last term.
They haven't started yet so perhaps your child can go to one of these. My child can also go to student support for breaks and lunch and eat her sandwiches there is she needs to. Definitely contact SENCO.