Why do this group of kids dislike my DD?

[Titsywoo]

DD just started year 8. She struggled a bit in year 7 as she didn't get on with anyone in her form bar one girl as they are mainly very loud and she is more quiet and a bit socially awkward. She made friends with a couple of small groups of girls then got dropped very quickly. Eventually she got involved with a club that meant she didn't have to go to form room in the mornings and she made friends with girls in other forms so was pretty happy.

The 'popular' group in her class however seems to have taken against her for some reason. They call her weird and either ignore her (which she is fine with!) or do things like tell her a certain boy fancies her and push him towards her. He gets cross and says he hates her because of this. The other boys in the group moan and groan if they have to sit next to her. The girls take the mickey out of her. She just ignores it all but it can't be nice for her.

The thing is she is the sweetest kid I know. Always so kind and looking out for others. She is a wonderful friend (as her current friends tell her all the time). I suppose being a bit socially awkward (due to a lack of confidence) might make her seem a bit standoffish and she won't let people copy her schoolwork which pissed a couple of people off (not this group though).

So neither of us understands it. A few of the teachers are aware of the issues and keep an eye on these kids but she often gets groups with them anyway (luckily for the subjects where they are set she isn't with them as she is in the top and they are mainly in the bottom).

Any ideas? I feel bad for her when she says "I din't understand why they hate me Mum - I haven't done anything!)

Do you think your DD has AS or some other kind of disability. There was a girl like this in DD'ss class and I agree it's bullying - emotional bullying. My DD made friends with this girl up to a point, but the girl clung to her like glue which is not surprising. It's an all girl's school and there is a Miss popular and her entourage who say mean things to this girl or ignore her and my DD stands up for her and then some of the other girls do the same but no one is really friendly with her. She told my DD she has AS although DD had already worked it out.

I'm sorry if I'm on the wrong track but there is always a reason why kids are bullied, horrible as this is. Would you be willing to look into this aspect of your DD's emotional character. It is said that AS is more difficult to diagnose in girls as they can cover it up, not as a conscious thought of course.. Incidentally my DD and the AS are in the 6th form and are still friends and about 12 girls turned up to her party. The all say Happy Birthday on FB and DD was the only one who did this.

I've just read a post of yours OP where you say your DD's younger brother has Aspergers. Have you not thought that this could be your DD's problem too.

I'm really sorry that you and your Dd are having to go through this. Don't beat yourself up for not contacting the school - it may well help Dd's confidence/resilience in that she felt able to speak to a teacher herself and activate support. From this point you can continue to monitor and keep up the dialogue. Your Dc obviously feels comfortable confiding in you and this is a testament to your good relationship. If this continues try again to persuade your daughter to discuss the possibility of changing forms. The fact that head of year is aware should help expedite this. Often teens worry that 'change' (as in a form change) might equate with a worse situation so it would be worth gently explaining that this is unlikely to be the case. But you are right to respect Dd's wishes in this - in situations like this they can feel powerless and it's the support from home which helps self esteem. My Dd has also been in this situation (quite a lot improved now mainly with support of excellent form tutor and good communication and support from the school). As such, It does tick me off with posts that looks for the 'reason' a child is picked on as though it's some fault in the child who is suffering. That really sucks since often it's down to pack mentality and a drive to conform by the perpetrators. Please keep reassuring your Dd that being herself is a very fine thing to be - she sounds lovely and I hope that things get resolved for her very soon.

Not every kid is a bully. Your kid is targeted because she's kind and doesn't fit in. That actually happens especially with teens. Try and get her class changed so she has hope of being with some kids who are more like her, even her friend. Otherwise it's tough for kids like yours. I'd defintely get her moved classes.

No catrina my dd is definitely not on the autistic spectrum. I know it very well including in girls and she shows no signs whatsoever. I'm not sure I appreciate the victim blaming tone of your post to be honest. These kids are clearly nasty (for whatever reason that may be) and have been horrible to other people. My dd may be a bit awkward due to a bit of immaturity and shyness but not everyone who is awkward is autistic!

Thanks all I think I will look again at having her moved classes and have a chat with her about it.

You are right they are nasty and i agree with what pp said re. "It does tick me off with posts that looks for the 'reason' a child is picked on as though it's some fault in the child who is suffering. That really sucks since often it's down to pack mentality and a drive to conform by the perpetrators."

Thanks colonel. DD had a sleepover here last night for her 13th birthday. There were 2 of her new friends from school here, 1 friend from primary and 1 friend who she has known all her life. The 2 new school friends are nice girls but they have quite different interests from her which can be frustrating as they have a mutual interest and like to talk about it/watch youtube videos on it and she gets a bit left out then. She seems pretty happy in general just gets a bit annoyed when this stuff happens (it even happened last night when they put on a film about it which I thought was cheeky but DD never says anything to be fair).

I wish she could meet friends at school like the other 2 that were here. It doesn't quite feel like she has found her tribe yet.

Can she not just move to another class?

I had a similar problem at the start of secondary school and I moved in the middle of year 8.