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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Year 12 / 6th form support thread

874 replies

minesawine · 03/09/2017 21:27

The term is about to start and I though it would be good to have a support group to help us on our 6th form journey.

May the year be drama-free and our DC's study hard and without complaint Halo

OP posts:
readyforsunshine · 24/11/2017 08:11

Ensuring

Piggywaspushed · 24/11/2017 08:11

I'm at a a complete loss as MN always suggests BTec but my DS would be awful at anything like that. The only thing he is actually good at is Spanish, sadly.

It's the no hobbies, no social life, no aspiration that bothers me. And the fact he is impossible to speak to. DH was like this at uni and beyond really but at least eh was a super talented sportsman.

Do you feel like we are motivated that our DCs ready ??? I note you said I'm happy to go down the BTec route Grin

readyforsunshine · 24/11/2017 08:43

Piggy sounds v similar! Dh had to retake As, dropped out of crappy uni & ended up a professional sportsman.
Ds has interests & recently a highly developed social lifeHmm but nothing that could develop carreer wise.
I WAS feeling like I’d had a weight lifted, I’d got him through GCSEs it was now up to him. I’d offer support & advice, up to him if he took it. Now I’m not so sure. I feel he needs more but won’t accept it, it’s so hard isn’t it?

Piggywaspushed · 24/11/2017 08:44

It is . All I can offer is empathy and maybe Gin and Wine

readyforsunshine · 24/11/2017 08:45

I can at least talk to him & he is still very loving, when he’s not being foul. He understands, takes on board what I’m saying, converses like a nice young adult, then behaves like a complete & utter tit!

readyforsunshine · 24/11/2017 08:46

Thanks, I’m lo carbing, i must be madGrin

Laniakea · 24/11/2017 16:04

Babies are so easy in comparison!

Piggywaspushed · 24/11/2017 17:58

If only we had known at the time!!

Laniakea · 25/11/2017 19:29

I have 20 (I think) 17 year olds (including Atia's ds) squeezed into my very small sitting room - I think they are trying to sing :D

(Dd's birthday party - she says she did an hour & a half of physics before it started. Hope so because she'll be good for nothing tomorrow!)

AtiaoftheJulii · 25/11/2017 19:53

20! Good luck Wink

Laniakea · 25/11/2017 20:22

Your ds & dd's girlfriend are rapping now (they are the Dream Team apparently) Grin

(I just crept in to get something to eat - I'll leave them to it now. As always I'm super impressed by the amount of pizza & cider they can consume)

Witchend · 26/11/2017 00:12

20 Wow! I think I'd go out for the evening if they were trying to sing!

knittingwithnettles · 26/11/2017 20:04

I'm reading this thread and it is cheering me up in a strange way cos ds1 was just the same as Piggy and Sunshine last year. He is still struggling with A levels but I feel like despite the severe troughs he has learned a lot even struggling through the subjects (ds is doing Music English and now he's changed one A level to Sports Science Diploma Btec (which is a mini-btec equivalent to one A level)

He has suddenly become very interested in Shakespeare and his singing is better than ever. But he doesn't read around the subjects, cannot analyse for toffee, cannot socialise outside school and is fixated on the idea that he is "going to uni" although he is so not ready to do another academic course without a year out to reflect retake.

He likes the Btec he is doing (Sports Science) but business Btec would not have suited him at all, which is what they offered as an alternative to A levels at the beginning, as he just doesn't seem to "get" business principles.

Looking back there are several options I would be suggesting to myself. 1. get him tested for any deficiencies NOW (as winter wore on his lethargy increased because he had a severe Vit D Deficiency,he got more and more tired and stressed and behind because of this)

  1. don't box him into a corner with threats and warnings - try to let him re-engage himself - because really they want to be in school with their peers and they want to be part of things, but it is so so easy for them to say..to hell with it - I'm a failure, so the best thing is to keep doors open
  2. Cs and Ds are fine at this stage, just aim for one grade higher at present, don't write off the prospect of Bs and Cs. Great is the enemy of the Good. I feel so cross that Ds was told he had to get a C in an exam to go through, when he was at a E level - he worked like a slave to get a high D and they said he had to resit it in Sept, at which point he gave up and lost interest (and started a new subject) much better if they had just said..you have improved - keep going. Some schools let students go through to year 13 with a D - if they can get a C at the end of year 13, maybe that is all they are going to get, but it is better than no grade at all!! [for the student, if not for the school league table]
  1. if none of that works, don't be afraid to start Year 12 again, in a new school. I have two friends whose children did this. Once was a A* star student who had a breakdown through perfectionism and the other was the youngest in his year who should have been in the year down in the first place, academically speaking.

Ds is going for the struggle through and get low grades option, just to get them out of the way, before rethinking his plans. I don't think I can intervene more than I have - mostly my intervention has to remind him that he is not a failure whatever he decides to do and not to give up doing a little, just because a lot seems impossible.

Piggywaspushed · 26/11/2017 20:08

A very thought provoking post knitting. I don't think DH could ever think like that but I shall try!

knittingwithnettles · 26/11/2017 20:09

Personally I wish wish wish that Ds1 could have started Year 12 again, but he was adamant he didn't want to do this, partly because the Btec sport option appealed to him, and he was frightened of change/loved his current school (grrr) and his classmates.

readyforsunshine · 28/11/2017 22:04

Knitting that is really helpful, thank you.
Im trying very hard to be understanding & find the best options for him but so many people (mum) are saying he needs a massive boot, get more proactive etc. I don’t want to be weak but he is difficult! It’s easy for people to judge from the outside, I may have been that person too had I only had the experience of my diligent, hardworking dd. If I were to give him a massive boot I wouldn’t be surprised if he refused to do anything at all. He seems less angry now & has said he wants to continue & has been putting in more effort, only time will tell.
Initially he was lashing out, not taking any responsibility & claiming it was a shit school.

knittingwithnettles · 28/11/2017 23:22

I've moved to the Year 13 thread now, but things have been better since this weekend (another big crisis to do with grades/effort), and ds has been listening a bit more to my "advice" since I've toned it down.

Ready A Distinction graded BTEC can be quite academically demanding. I did one when I was 32 (in garden design) and I remember there being lots of research and reading around the subject, if you wanted to get more than a pass. The difference really is in the way you work, as it is all coursework and you have to keep up the pace throughout. The BTECs in business or science or design all require quite a lot of "humanities" skills and they do count for uni, if you show enough interest to pursue a different subject at degree level (say politics or pyschology)

I think we cling on to the devil we know at all costs, in this case a familiar school setting, even though we get increasingly disillusioned with them. I wonder if ds feels like he is the bad boy of the school? That can have quite a demoralising effect.

Monkey2001 · 06/12/2017 12:38

I would like to know your views on drink and drugs! I caught my DS (very able, all A/A* at GCSE) smoking something in his bedroom by himself and came across a packet of Rizlas in his wallet. He seems OK in general, he has never had a busy social life, seemed happy to just have a few good friends. I also found a fake driving licence (very realistic) in his wallet. He said that "loads of people" in Y12 have false ID so they can drink a bit, but that he would not want to get drunk. I told him that if he caught using a false driving licence for ID he would probably get a criminal record, and he clearly did not believe me although he said sorry.

Do you think that most Y12s have fake age ID?

Piggywaspushed · 06/12/2017 17:10

Presumably you do know if he is going out??

My DS would have no use of such a thing as he is a total recluse!

I don't think fake ID is as common as it used to be but it definitely does still exist as does sharing around each other's ID since the pics don't really get scrutinised.

Piggywaspushed · 08/12/2017 17:42

So....

DS1 cheated in his Spanish exam...

Fan bloody tatsic.

Piggywaspushed · 08/12/2017 17:43

or tastic , even

Monkey2001 · 08/12/2017 18:11

Call for Wine? Maybe cheating shows an element of resourcefulness? Very frustrating to see your DC making bad decisions Sad

HertToHert · 08/12/2017 18:18

Oh no Piggy! Was this his GCSE Spanish?

Piggywaspushed · 08/12/2017 18:23

I will have much Wine later although that would be normal!

This was an A level 'mock'. Have no idea how many of them he has before the real exam.

He doesn't think he has done anything wrong and lacks any remorse. he hates Spanish and the teacher.

HertToHert · 08/12/2017 18:51

The lack of remorse would really annoy me. Do you think he’s just putting on a front? Perhaps after he’s had a good break over Xmas and managed to breathe a little he might begin to see it all differently and hopefully resume with new purpose.
DS is in year 12, and a bit. I don’t know what the expectation is at this point in the year but seems to be averaging C’s which is very worrying to me and his dad although school seem to think he’s on track with a bit more work.