Middle sets are set for failure

[SunshineAndSmile]

DS Y9 is in mostly middle sets this year. He is convinced this means that he's not going to get any good GCSES. He his constantly comparing himself to his very bright friends who are in top sets and has become very despondent saying he is the stupid one. There is already lots of talk among them about uni and one friend said to DS that 'middle set people probably won't go to university or get good jobs'

How do I help to keep DS motivated and believe that if he works hard he is going to be ok? He is a bright kid, perfectly capable but lacks confidence in his abilities.

TIA

Also, it suits children who compare themselves less favourably to others to be top of a lower set and boost their confidence, rather than struggle in the top set.

Through volunteering I know some kids who did not get to Grammar school. As this is Bucks, that would put them likely in middle sets in non selective schools. This group of 5, have, without exception gone on to RG unis to study academic subjects. I expect they will also have bright futures in the job market. So please tell your DS that his friends are talking rubbish :-D

A bunch of my sixth formers didn't go to uni this year, they got apprenticeships instead. They were top set! Uni is losing its appeal at 9k per year when there are other, excellent options where you get paid to train.

Dumbledore I have found a kindred spirit at least

OP's post illustrates how poisonous and mindset creating setting can be.

My DS's school set them the minute they entered the school in such an inflexible way that they ended up in the same set for everything (except maths who got their own sets...) so , although he was a talented linguist he was in set 2 to match his English abilty. Bizarrely, this also dictated his IT ste. he can barely switch a computer on...

At the end of a year in his set 2, the French department predicted hima GCSE grade D. Two years later he has an A and an A* in Spanish! So, it's just as well we paid that no heed .

Conversely, the rot set in in that year in Geography, which he had previously loved. he went backwards . the class had 32 students, over 20 of whom were boys. There was little aspiration and behaviour management was challenging for the teachers. he went form being well behaved and settled to unhappy and then to quite naughty.

He has just got a D in GCSE Geography . Hmmm...

Some schools will do a better job of setting than others, that said. But I still hate it.

As for your DS , keep an eye on things,especially a slide in motivation or attitude. We let it slide too much in hindsight. DS2 is going to the same school soon and we will be watching like hawks!

In Bucks there are 30-40% high achievers in some areas who do not get to the grammar schools. Very many of these would be in a top set in a comprehensive school. They do very well in Bucks Secondary moderns as you say MMA, but many are not middle set children.

However, why is your DS so bothered with what his friends think, OP? What do they know? Nothing. So get him to talk to someone sensible, who he trusts, for a chat about what is possible. He will be fine if he works steadily and enjoys school.

Am I missing something here but doesn't pretty much everyone go to university of some kind nowadays, not just those in the top set as it was in my day? When I applied to university, you needed a solid clutch of As or Bs or Cs to get in but now it seems the entry requirements for many of the new universities are a lot lot lower. He may not get into a popular course and a Russel group uni but he will surely get a place somewhere if he does reasonably well.

I think middle set children with great motivation for hard work do well, imo. If you set your heart to it, there are so many easily accessible resources these days to help you. On the other hand, naturally bright kids may struggle for first time to work hard to achieve, maybe not in secondary, but later on.

No. Of course not everyone goes to university! What makes anyone think that? Yes, some universities are not able to be choosy over students but that doesn't mean everyone goes. We are not at anywhere near 50%.

Naturally bright children are very capable of working hard and achieving highly. They up their game when they need to. Often middle achievers will have to work consistently but they can go to university and many do.

Middle sets tend to do well just less

Dd2 is in the middle sets and predicted a mixture of As and Bs including a 7 in maths. I'm delighted!!

And there had never been any question that she won't do a levels and go to uni. Honestly mumsnet is weird about grades and academic achievements.

I think it sounds like something the friend's parents said to try and encourage them to work hard and stay in the top set - motivating students this way is quite common, I think.
As for middle sets not achieving that will only be true if you allow it to be, hard work is an excellent life skill, being clever will not always carry you through.

Thank you all for your responses, it is great to hear positive stories of middle set success.

I think DS certainly needs a change in mindset as setting for him just categorises people into either 'clever' or 'not clever' groups. This is how kids see everyone, as a label - clever, popular, pretty, fit, dumb, geek, loner. They incorrectly assume things that put limits on themselves and others rather than seeing that people are a lot more than just one label. I am think I going to have to work really hard on his self confidence as this is probably the the biggest barrier to his future success.

My middle set grades ranged from 1-8 this year. I get a lot of middle sets. Kids in there tebd to be hard-working but not quite there in yr 9; bright but lazy or massive underachieving. You can get great things out of middle sets - but it depends on.the child.

My dcs are middle set or probably higher in a lower achieving area - I have always talk to them about hard work being the essence of success- they have consistently out performed their targets every year - summer born and slow to mature they needed time and belief they could do it - and they do!
Dh middle of the road in the early years but a very hard worker in school, university and work - he went far. I'm the classic 2:1 degree but did bugger all with it SAHM - regrets? I have a few.......

Surely it depends on the school. Our school has a steady 5 x A - C in the mid 80's with something like 70% of those B and above so clearly the middle sets are working at a high level and most of those will get a combinations of A's, A's and B's with the odd C so more than enough for A levels and to get offers from good uni's. My eldest is middle set for science and he's predicted an A. It's not keeping me awake at night