Parents sell home so son can attend private school - how far would you go?

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The article is a couple of years old - these parents sold their house so son could attend private school. How far would you go?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3035244/Parents-sell-185-000-home-East-Sussex-send-son-private-school.html

Selling your home to fund private education seems to me to be a step too far. It undoubtedly puts a lot of pressure on the child to keep up academically. If he is bright, then a good state school will stretch him as necessary. Most private schools are very good, but then there are some excellent state schools too. It is also rather naive to suggest, as I read in the article, that bullying is confined to state schools. It may be better dealt with in a private school, but bullying children exist in all schools. Another disadvantage is that the termly fees are not the end of the story. There will be lots of incidentals to pay for such as school trips and presents for staff. There will also be the fact that most of the other children will come from reasonably wealthy families, and some from very wealthy ones. Will the child feel inferior? Private school parents can be quite snobby.

That story is 2 years old I wonder how they are managing now and what situation is for their second child. Fees will have risen significantly in the meantime and will do so further at secondary. Tbh if he was that bright they would probably have qualified for a bursary. It is a fair commute from Hastings to Battle too, so need to factor travel costs in.

I know a family that sold their home and went into rented so both their boys could go to Eton - it does happen.

Bonkers.

Plus that puts a lot of pressure on the child to succeed in life.

'But we sold our home so your could attend X, we gave up everything for you, what do you mean you want to be a musician?'

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The couple in that article have taken leave of their senses. They expect to send their second son to the same school even though it sounds as they're stretched to the brink as it is. Crazy, utterly crazy.

Love that they tried to crowdfund £115,000 to pay for this folly.

Utterly stupid. And unfair on the child.

The parents are utterly deluded and ridiculous. They have ruined any security they have by selling their home, and say they are unable to do day trips or holidays because they want him to go to this prep school. The dad is the sole earner so I find it hard to understand that if the mother is so unhappy with an 'outstanding' rated state primary why she wouldn't home educate instead? They could then spend the money that they have on enriching activities and allow their child to study at his level and his interests. Or she could get a job to pay the fees? Baffles me that selling their house was their first port of call.

Also find the suggestion that bullying doesn't happen at private schools hilarious, it most definitely does in my experience, and with their income their child will be a target for being 'poor'. He will also have the enormous pressure to succeed because his parents have given up so much to allow him a private education. I felt that pressure and my parents could comfortably afford it, it meant I made choices I wouldn't have done to appease them and be in line with the schools rigid views on what is successful. I have struggled with MH because of this pressure and I wouldn't wish it on any child.

They would have been better off saving while he was at a state primary to pay for secondary private education in the event that he doesn't get a scholarship or bursary. I personally think prep schools are a waste of money, we won't consider it for dd even though we can afford it, she will probably go to a private secondary school though because that is where the advantage lies imo.

Children fail A-Levels while private, and others go to Oxbridge from sink schools. Its about the child, schools can only help so much.

Not that far!

Whilst parents shouldn't feel guilty about considering private, think of the guilt this child will face if he fails to meet their expectations. They would have been better off preparing for scholarship entry at senior school level, topped up with a means tested bursary, up to 100% in some cases.

If he is bright, then a good state school will stretch him as necessary.

Yup. Thinking of myself and my family, if I owned a home where all local state school options were bad and I felt my children were falling behind as a result and buying somewhere better was financially out of reach then I could see us selling and renting in a better catchment. But the "private school at all costs" option of the OP's link doesn't sit right with me.

My parents told me repeatedly about how we couldn't go on holidays etc because they had to pay my school fees. Aged 11, I asked to go to the local comp. They said no. Cue another 7 years of telling me how much my school cost, sacrifices made etc. In hindsight it looks almost pathological.

We moved house when DDs were approaching secondary level, so that they would be in the catchment area of a very good state grammar school. Unfortunately even though they both passed the exam, neither was offered a place, so we finished up paying for private secondary education. But we would never have thought of selling the house to pay for their education. We didn't go short of very much either as both DDs got good scholarships.

Something tells me the child's previous primary school would not have been sorry to see the back of these parents.

They would have been better advised to move into an area where they could access good state schools. - and supplement with tuition if required. Most good state schools would stretch an academically gifted child as far as Battle Abbey would.

Having said that, I know of a number of families who have had a charge put on their family homes by bursars to allow their DC to stay at private school after a change in circumstances.

Very silly. Although my FiL seems to think that by paying for his education my DH 'owes' him and is forever throwing it back at my DH (who happens to be a self made man in a field not taught or encouraged by private education). FiL is a multi-millionaire so didn't sell his home to fund it either!

We will do private if we can afford it, if not state and tutors, if required.

I wouldn't go any distance at all. Private schools are overrated. They're certainly not a golden ticket to 'success', which depends more on the family dynamic and the child's motivation, imo. If they're going to 'succeed' from a private school, they'll probably do the same from a state school.

Not read the article. Is that right that they tried to crowdfund him going to private school?
I can sort of see the thinking by people doing this as I was shitting myself about sending my quiet, geeky dd to the local comp as she was a bit picked on at primary by the cool horrible kids, but it's actually been a huge improvement on primary as she's found a lovely group of friends, is happy and doing well and hasnt been picked on at all. So my fear terror of sending her there was unfounded, but I remember the fear enough to see where they are coming from!

No I haven't read it either, never click on anything daily mail, however have got the gist of it. Seems crazy and far too much pressure on the poor kid. Imagine anyone thinking that they could crowd fund this folly. I do understand parents who make huge sacrifices to send their kid to a school they believe will give their child an advantage, particularly when the state option on offer isn't particularly attractive but to sell the home your child has grown up in and move into rented feels like a step too far.

Renting isn't cheaper than home ownership either!

Ds went to a generally well regarded private school. Many of his friends now at university went to a very wide range of schools. Some of them , shock and gasping , got better grades than he did. I fully admit I am not against private schools , but it doesn't give you a shoe in . Unless this story ( old as it is ) is not the full story ( i.e. have they bought a house since) it sounds a little dramatic.

They're mad, battle abbey prep really ain't all that. The bright kids in East Sussex cross the county boundary and attend the SS in Tunbridge Wells. Battle Abbey, bucks wood and Claremont are left with the also-rans. iMO obvs.

Essential sorry if I have the wrong poster but haven't you stretched yourself significantly to live in the catchment of a good school? Isn't it the same if you can't afford to have some fun in life?

That's me calm, sort of - we've ended up buying a flat in the catchment of a very good primary and high school (though what the latter will be like when we get to that stage, who knows) rather than a house elsewhere. But:

• We've not really stretched ourselves much beyond where we would have if schools weren't so high on the list, but for a flat rather than a house.
• The flat meets the (frankly, odd) requirements my DH came up with, which no house in our search did.
• The purchase hasn't affected our outgoings/fun in an unsustainable way. For the last few months we've been slogging through a renovation, so money's gone towards that, but it's a short term thing and nearly over thank fuck-.

I guess these compromises seemed OK to me/us, whereas what the article describes feels excessive. But presumably the parents there went through the same thought process and reached the decision they did.