Secondary school transfer- is your DC ready?

[HireASenseBucket]

I'm worried a bit about DD. She's young for the school year and very few of her friends will be going to the same school and she'll be leaving home before 8 for the school bus. IYO has your child's primary/sec school done enough re. transfers? what are you worried about? Did your older DCs have any issues?

What are you specifically worried about?

The "transfer" process here has consisted of one information evening and a teacher from the secondary school coming to primary school to talk to the DC (about moving to secondary in general, not this school in particular). And then Year 7 get a day on their own in the school in September. Basically they are treating it as not a particular big deal, whilst allowing the DC to ask questions.

My older DC settled fairly quickly - though it took him a while to find his friendship "niche" (and that was despite 100+ DC moving from his primary school, so knowing other children in advance is not necessarily an advantage!)

My son is one of only two from his primary going to the same secondary (the other being a boy from the other class that he doesn't particularly know). We went to the parents induction evening last night, and all of the other kids seemed to know each other, and were chatting and joking around together, which was a bit off putting. Luckily the school is only a 10 min walk away from home so at least I don't have to worry about him getting himself there safely and on time.

He's got two full induction days tomorrow and Friday, and then there's an optional summer sports club running over two weeks in the summer holidays which he'll go to for a few days. They then all go in for an additional compulsory full day of PE in the last week of August, just before the term starts.

I think I'm most worried about the friendships issue- her close friends are going elsewhere (private schools)- and she's younger (August born) . She's a bit worried about getting the bus because she's going to have to walk from home for 10 min to the bus stop and won't know anyone. I can't drop her off because I work in the opposite direction. And then there's the masses of homework I expect they'll all get- just such a lot of changes.

Hire DD2 is just finishing y7. She is autumn birthday but emotionally young in year. The whole year has gone much better than we feared.

Some y7s came and talked the y6s going up this time last year. (In fact DD2 has just gone to do it for this years y6).
They had a 2 day transfer to meet the tutor group, do some trial lessons etc.
There was 5 day optional 'summer school' that DD did all 5 days off where they did some fun stuff with bits of learning and school orientation thrown in.
First day in Sept was without the rest of the school.
y10 tutor peer mentors, and 1-1s for about 1/3rd of the y7s.
Day at activity centre in Sept for 3 tutors at a time.
School is 'known' for its good settling in process.

Very little homework (!)
Lots of praise and encouragement.

Quite a lot went up from DDs school but she didn't have close friends there, but she has met a couple of others at her 'level' that she is friends with and walks to school with, even though she didn't know them before.
A couple of issues that the tutor has helped sort out.

She has found school really tiring though, so it is lucky about the not much homework.

Practice the walk to the bus stop so she is confident with it.
Talk through some 'what ifs' about the to/from school and scenarios in school.
Talk through how to start conversations and who to look for (eg other alone people)
Stress writing things in her planner.
On going up day if not done already, get her to notice the school bags and shoes of y8s.
Help her feel confident.

They won't get masses of home in year 7

2014 They might get masses of homework in y7. The other secondary in our town sets way more h/w to y7s than ours does. The DS of a friend moved between the schools part way through y7 and remarked that he now 'had his life back' as he had time for other stuff again.

We found that in Y7 (at least the beginning of the year) the teacher ALWAYS set homework if that subject was on the homework timetable, seemingly with the view that they should get used to it. Be prepared for creating a lot of pointless posters :)

you need to break down your concerns to help your dd rather than let her pick up on your anxiety

1. getting the bus: has she done a practice? have you stalked the bus stop at the time she will be getting it? are there kids from her school there? have you received a list of yr7 students and their postcodes to see if others will be doing the same journey

2. making friends. talk to your dd about this. to be friendly, smiley, not to rush/cling to people quickly. to get involved in clubs and to find her friends through shared activities etc etc.
   Has she had any contact at all with her new classmates?

3. "masses" of homework. She'll be fine ! She may need some help with organisation. Assign a shelf/box/area at home where all school work is kept. Don't let it be scattered around the house. So she knows if it's not in the place at home, or in her locker then her teacher has it.

The schools are really experienced at this transition and helping them manage, get organised.

I'm worried about the bus too.

DS is the only one going from his school to his High School, and as far as I know, the only child from this village too. The bus shares the journey with another school so I'm hoping there'll be at least some other kids from the village getting the bus.

Bus company have so far not been that helpful on timetables and arrangements.

On Monday I'm going to stake out the bus stop because he has his transfer day on Wednesday and needs to use the bus.

Our school did an open evening where children got to do a couple of lessons to give them an idea of what a lesson would look like plus a tour round.

Ds had a visit at primary from the year 7 transition lead. He attended a non-feeder primary morning with us as parents, children went off to do some games (get to know people) we were talked through things in the hall.

He then had a meet your form evening where parents and children were talked through uniform, planner etc. And then yesterday all local schools invite current year 6's to spend a day at the secondary in the form they will be in with their new teacher whilst in their primary school uniform. It is a city wide thing allowing all children the opportunity to attend.

That is what the secondary did, locally the primary collects children from our school cluster and takes those handful of children for a lunch at the secondary they will attend if there are small numbers. Another get to know children in the same boat as you.

My older son did the same, it resulted in a very smooth transition.

The main thing to know is that your kid WILL pick up on your anxiety.
You kid WILL lose their primary friends

Parents won't believe this. They insist they are with them. Then moan in February when it all goes wrong

I think DD is ready but I am not and I can absolutely see that when I have an anxious moment she picks up on it. DD is going from a very relaxed and liberal mixed primary to a small academic Girls school with no one she knows plus a large proportion of her new yr 7 cohorts know each other from the attached jr school. I think she just wants to get on with it now and get the first few weeks over with.

I agree being with primary school friends is not essential, but also it's not a given that they will stop being friends with them! DS (at end of Y8) is still best friends with the boy he's been best friends with since Reception! And still is good friends with the vast majority of his closest Y6 friends (including one who went to a different school.

Dd has not really ventured beyond her primary friends by the end of year 8. Nice group though.

I think, plan for the best (practice the bus stop/bus routes/catching bus to town independently - maybe with a friend - over the summer, be positive about the new school and supportive about worries) but also prepare for the worst (what is plan B if she really struggles with the bus - ime it might be ok for a honeymoon period, then she might get fed up with overcrowding or bad behaviour or just be too tired by October to want to face that). Make a note of who you can contact at school (tutor/head of house) to discuss any difficulties. And then just give her time to adjust, be available each day to talk about her day, even if 90% of the time she doesn't tell you anything. Under react to what she tells you - be curious, interested in her point of view, don't jump in with solutions or try to 'sort' things out for her, but ask again about tricky things she tells you. Agree to come back to them, and let her know you are there - and will step in if necessary - if the problem whatever it is persists. Hope she has a lovely start.

Around here there will be no bus service over the summer to use for practice . It's a school bus run by a company, who so, far haven't been that reassuring.

There is no bus from here into the nearest town at all. The nearest bus is over an hour's walk away down a 60mph road with no pavement.

I am worried. DS not so much though. But if this bus thing doesn't work out I'm not sure how we'll manage.

DS gets a bus and it was a worry for him to start with. More at the end of the day. Then his amazing HOY told him he would never get stranded at school, someone would make sure he got home and he was so relieved. It never occurred to me that he didn't know this, he thought if you missed the bus you just had to walk and he didn't think he'd know the way . So my advice would be to make sure they know the really obvious things like that! He settled really quickly and I'm sure your DD will too. In fact he sat me down last night for a chat to tell me I'm too over protective

Most children phone their parents if they miss the bus! Generally speaking all these issues work out. The bus company may not have worked out its timetable yet! I bet they are sick of people worrying about their children. Around me children get taxis and buses from age 5. They manage!

Yes, they will make new friends. I would just trust that they will grow up very quickly and be confident and competent.

My DDs went to South Africa to school for a term on a school exchange. I didn't go. They were 13 years old. Children surprise you! They will get on a school bus ok at 11 years old.

The kids at my DD's school are all SO ready to move on and have been since they found out where they were going for secondary. They are split up across many different schools as is often the case in London. No one from my DD's class is going to her new school. Is it possible that your DD is picking up on your anxiety? Can you practise the bus journey with her often over the summer so it doesn't feel new to her in the autumn? I think it will be a big shock for them all in terms of how they need to organise themselves with homework etc, and I am sure my DD will make mistakes and get in a few muddles- but at the sane time she has definitely outgrown her primary.

They can still see primary school friends out of school, I did and one of my friends still keeps in touch with two friends from primary who went to different secondaries.

DD is starting this year and they seem to do a lot more to help with the transition than they did in my day. Some of the secondary teachers came to see them in primary, i think. They had a short meeting with HOY on their own where they talked to pupil and parents and asked what they were interested in and you could ask questions. Then an induction evening where they meet their form teacher and class. They start with a half day for just the new starters, before the rest of the school goes back and they have older pupils asking as buddies.

They are good at helping if there are any issues with settling in.

Oh OP, this was me last year.

My dd came to secondary with no close friends from Primary.

I won't lie. The first few weeks/months were really hard work. I found that the girls formed themselves into groups, mainly involving primary friends. Dd wasn't really involved in these. Academically dd loved it from the off. Threw herself into timetables/homework/guitar lessons etc.

I contacted her form tutor after a while to express my little worries. Tutor was very supportive and reassuring, saying dd seemed comfortable and confident. She suggested dd joined the lunchtime Y7 Drama club.
This was a but of a turning point. At Drama club she met lots of children's from different tutor groups. She made friends with different people including many boys. Whilst at drama club it was good. Finding friends in her tutor group was still harder.

By Christmas she'd found a little group of friends in her tutor group, whilst still spending time with Drama club people.
Around March many (girl) friendship groups went into meltdown as old primary friendships seemed to break-up. Luckily dd had no 'baggage' so avoided all this crisis.
By April/May dd had begun to realise that she didn't actually have much in common with the first friends she'd made in her tutor group.
In past few weeks, she's expanded her friendship group hugely, and only now is she truly finding good friends who she really enjoys being with and has lots in common with them.

I don't mean to bore you with detail OP . I just know how many ups and downs Y7 has brought. If read I Facebook other parents with dcs at different schools (how dare you choose a different school to them! ) like to make out that their child has settled in utterly on the second day and everything is AMAZING. In reality, it's not amazing but it takes time to feel properly comfortable,

In many ways dd had a advantage not knowing anyone from Primary although it was harder at first. Looking back now, I'm so proud of her, she's thrown herself into all aspects of school. I only feel positive for Y8.

To cut a long story short, your dd will be FINE

Oh and yes, I agree - dd's best friend is a girl from Y9 at a totally different school. She's closer than ever with her as they make extra effort with each other.

Both my DDs went to senior school at 11 knowing no one. Sometimes friendships need to fluctuate and children do find their feet. It can all change in about year 9 but then GCSE classes tend to bring new relationships. I just would hang onto the fact that everyone changes school at 11 and vast numbers of children get the school bus. It is just a normal thing to do so treat it as such.

My DD was an August child (second youngest in a year of 245). On her first day at school she had PE, the girl next to her turned and said "my feet have grown, I can't get my trainers on" - the start of a long lasting friendship!