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Secondary education

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Original poster

6th form induction woes

20 replies

user1498659115 · 28/06/2017 15:28

Grr, I despair, I really do. So dd goes on her 6th form induction day today. The system we have merges with the local grammar school so she had to endure an afternoon sat at a table with three complete cows who thought it was funny to take the pee out of her. Here was me trying to assure her that in 6th form that all the stupid, immature girls would move on – how wrong was I?? And these girls were from the grammar school too, supposedly part of the most intelligent 25 percent in the country?? Well, what great ambassadors – not! What is wrong with people? It would seem my poor dd has a kick me sign on her head – she hasn’t found school life easy because of nasty kids and I have now gotten to the point where I’m wishing I had bought her up to be a complete monster as it seems to be the only way you get by. Can anyone else relate to this or am I just a crap mum who has got it all wrong??

OP posts:
AtiaoftheJulii · 28/06/2017 16:13

No, I can't relate to it, but that doesn't mean you're a crap mum!

Sounds horrible for your daughter. I would get in touch with the school and ask to speak to the head of sixth form about it (they might have separate year heads for upper and lower, so whoever's most appropriate).

My dd1 was at a grammar school and they made a lot of effort to integrate the new girls. I hope you can get some reassurance that September will be easier for your dd.

BubblesBuddy · 28/06/2017 17:14

Usually in a large 6th form, you can avoid the undesirable ones. I do not know why you think intelligence makes people pleasant. I am not sure the two go together really! They just a saw a newbie and reacted in a childish way. They can easily be avoided come September.

You cannot change the personality of a child by altering how they are brought up. You cannot change a mild mannered child into someone nasty. Why would you? You only have evidence of one meeting with three girls. It is hardly the whole school. What was everynoe else like? Is she the only one from her school joining the 6th form?

Why did they take the piss? What did they sense was different? Usually there is a trigger so what could it be? What did they talk about? Perhaps trying to analyse what went wrong so you can see if it is possible to put it right may help for the next two years. How well does your DD relate to other girls when she first meets them? I am not saying these girls were anything other than unpleasant but it seems a very quick reaction to a new girl.

Original poster
user1498659115 · 28/06/2017 17:46

Are you implying that she asked for it in some way? Nice. She didn't. You obviously have popular kids who have no problems. How nice for you. Maybe yours behave like this without you realising it?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 28/06/2017 17:51

What did they actually do that was nasty?

tiggytape · 28/06/2017 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1498659115 · 28/06/2017 18:22

Thanks tiggytape, you summed it up perfectly. Sorry to be stroppy, it just gets me down sometimes.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 28/06/2017 18:30

I don't think it's necessarily unfair to ask what could have started the piss taking. Not because it was ok, or because it was the op's dd's fault. But, for example, there is an unpleasant rivalry between two of our schools- and people who join school A from school B tend to get a hard time. Which needs dealing with in a different way than if it was personal, if you see what I mean.....

BertrandRussell · 28/06/2017 18:30

And that's a grammar school situation too.........

NotYoda · 28/06/2017 18:36

I think there is bound to be some sort of rivalrous crappy behaviour in this circumstance. I've seen adults who can't force themselves to be open and friendly in circumstances where two organisations are coming together. It's pathetic but it reflects badly on their own confidence.

It was three, slightly inadequate girls.Try not to panic. They will probably not end up keeping up that level of antipathy, but as others have said, they are avoidable.

NotYoda · 28/06/2017 18:38

My DS1 has not had the smoothest time at school, but he's now got to the point where he sees dickish behaviour as just that - dickish behaviour. tiggytapes post is really good

NotYoda · 28/06/2017 18:44

OP

I've mentioned this several times on MN but there's a course run by Kidscape called ZAP which addresses coping with current and after-effects of bullying.
Helped my son,

raspberryrippleicecream · 28/06/2017 18:49

I just wanted to say my DD found her soul mate in Y12, after various problems throughout school.

She stayed at the same school, her new friend moved from another school but they didn't meet each other at the Start up days, but in the September.

Allthebestnamesareused · 29/06/2017 12:18

OP - please don't make it about them being from the grammar school though. I am sure there are nice kids that go there too. Ensure to make sure DD understands she just came across 3 muppets that day rather than all the grammar school kids will be like this.

There are these types at all schools unfortunately :(

BertrandRussell · 29/06/2017 12:54

"OP - please don't make it about them being from the grammar school though. I am sure there are nice kids that go there too."
Of course there are. But it would be foolish to deny the fact that there are sometimes issues in this particular set of circumstances. So wrong to be in denial as well.

NotYoda · 29/06/2017 15:47

Yes, there is always inter-school rivalry. The few chippy or superior children on both sides will compound this. It will all settle down when they realise that they are now in the same place doing the same things and have a lot in common

flyingwithwings · 29/06/2017 16:18

Of course there are. But it would be foolish to deny the fact that there are sometimes issues in this particular set of circumstances. So wrong to be in denial as well.

Just like a ex 'private' school girl who happens to end up in a state sixth form might invoke mockery or serious bullying !

Actually i can remember the 'grammar. school girl ( a transfer from another county waiting for a grammar place) that ended up in my 'dump' bullied remorselessly for the reason of being a grammar girl.

Stop following the tactics of 'JC ' by attaching a perceived sense of social injustice to what is no more than being an interloper in to an established group !

BertrandRussell · 29/06/2017 17:32

Oh, sorry, I forgot that on Mumsnet it was anathema to suggest that there was the remotest possibility that grammar school pupils are not all sans peur et sans reproche My bad, as they say. Grin

OP. Keep an eye on this. Those of us who deal with this sort of thing on a regular basis know it can be difficult. It may be something completely different, but, as I said, keep an eye. Particularly when lessons get under way. That's when subtle undermining can start,

BubblesBuddy · 29/06/2017 21:26

Mine didn't go to a grammar school and you are ultra defensive user. I made it clear I thought the behaviour of the girls was unacceptable but there is no reason why analysing what happened is beneficial in avoiding the situation again. It is interesting that you have behaved towards me in a way you are actually complaining about. Judgemental and rather rude.

BackforGood · 30/06/2017 00:33

You asked for advice, so posters replying were trying to help you unpick what might have happened. You then turn round and are rude to them.
As other posters have pointed out, there can be reasons such a school rivalries which might have impacted. Equally, she could have been really unlucky with 3 individuals on her table, or, she could be following your own snippiness and decided it was all about the fact that 'grammar school pupils' are like this. We don't know, but posters can't offer support without knowing a bit more.

Out2pasture · 30/06/2017 03:48

my experience is that 16 year old girls can be nasty regardless of education or background but 3 against 1 is typical to what I've seen when my dd was that age.

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