Positive Experiences Boarding School

[WhyMustI]

My eldest DD (14) is a day school where 75% of the pupils board. She has a good friend group of 5 including her and she's the only one who doesn't board, and she has asked to start boarding after the summer. I'm not thrilled about the idea, but I've said I'll think about it.

My main concern is that she'll hate it. Her dad went to boarding school, as did my dad and uncles, and they all hated it. In fact, I don't know anyone who went to boarding school and enjoyed it, and still thinks it was for the best as an adult.

Has anyone been to boarding school enjoyed it, and think it was a good idea as an adult?

Not answering you'd question, but would the school let her do a trial week? At the same age DS decided he wanted to board. However after a week he realised that he also enjoyed going home to his own room. Given he used to go in for breakfast and often stay for supper, boarding did not give him a lot more.

I loved boarding school, it gave me so much more freedom than at home. Made loads of close friends, and got so much time for sports and other extra curricular stuff.

There are lots of threads here about boarding have you searched for them. Obviously nearly all parents (including myself) can tell you very positive stories about boarding but will that convince you? Have you met your DD's friends? Do they seem happy and enjoy boarding?
Anyway here goes. My DS is now 19 and currently on a gap year, he's a happy, very popular, well adjusted, considerate, caring and hard working individual. During year this year out of education he's worked abroad, he's currently working in a factory and he also works with animals, he's met and lived with people from all walks of life, from the unbelievably super priviledged rich, the super bright, the famous, those with no money who also have no qualifications and no future prospects and those who struggle to think they're way to the end of the road he's universally very much liked by all. The icing on the cake for us is that we as his parents and in particular me as his mother have a very strong loving relationship with him, he sent me a letter on my birthday stating that there was nothing he couldn't talk to me about and that he knew I would always be there to support him and that he loved me very much.
I hope we as parents have played a big part in the person he's become but he's also boarded since 7 yrs old and I'm pretty sure this has also contributed to the sort of person he is.

People who boarded a generation ago often have a different perspective on boarding from that experienced by pupils today. Don't forget your DD will know exactly what boarding is about - she goes to a school where the majority are boarders. She clearly talks to them and understands their day and what they do. I am sure she is sensible enough to know the pros and cons.

If she is currently a day pupil, I assume you are not far away so you can easily maintain a close relationship with her and the school. You really won't see much of a change in your relationship if you have a good one already. Boarding is very positive because pupils can join in with activities easily and be part of the school community as well as enjoying home. You get the best of both worlds. I assume you know the school well enough to see that the pupils are happy, cared for and want to be there. I cannot understand why you have negative views and you must have thought she may want to board if all her friends are! Be happy for her. Lifelong friends are forged when boarding.

OP I think that you are better off asking your DD's friends or students who have recently left than adults who experience boarding more than 5- 10 years ago since boarding has changed so much in recent years.
I agree with Needmoresleep. A trial is a good idea but also the realisation that your DD can always change her mind if she does n't like it after a term or more and revert back to being a day pupil.
Not surprising that your DD feels as though she is missing out with her friends by being the only one not around during evenings.

Boarding has changed hugely in the last generation - safeguarding exists, for starters, and mobile phones and the internet - no queuing for the telephone and buying phonecards!

If she's already at the school and has friends, then she will know what she's getting into.

My children joined a full boarding school in years 9, 10 and 12 from a comprehensive. A case of need rather than anything else.
First two weeks were unsettled as they changed their whole way of being - their language, their routine, the rules, the food, the expectations. The twins in year 10 found it hardest as they were joining an established group and were separated for the first time. Day 12 the housemistress said " We've seen a sparkle that was missing until yesterday" then there was no looking back. They all absolutely loved it and had huge fun (possibly a bit too much - they didn't want to leave).

Boarding now is massively different to when I boarded in the '80s and my experience will have been massively different to earlier experiences. My DD adores boarding and she loves coming home (for a rest). Having sent your DD to a predominantly boarding school the request to board was a matter of when not if. As you clearly live near enough for her to be a day pupil you therefore will be able to be there for every match/concert/play and to take her out at the weekend. Listen to your daughter and what she wants. Also as she moves towards public exams it can be better/easier for her to stay in school. Also at a reunion I spoke with day girls from my old school and they did feel left out and rather separate. There was this whole life at the weekend that they were missing out on. We also love the weekends and half terms as, because DC are not home all the time and we don't have to worry about them doing school work or clubs when they are, we can do really fun stuff; to date white water rafting, surfing, skiing, theatre, concerts. The anti-boarding shouters are very loud, but look at your DD and her school and the houses and make your decision based on that not some third party (even family members), at a different school, in a different generation as their experience will not be your DD's. Plus if boarding doesn't work out it is usually much easier to transfer back to day, as she's not looking at moving school. Good luck with your decision.

We all have different school experiences because they're all different.

We have the grammar school versus comp debate.

We have the single sex versus co-ed debate.

We have the day versus boarding debate.

Then faith schools versus non faith schools debate.

The only conclusion ever reached is that peoples' experiences are different.

It's probably the reason why educational outcomes are so different - there is no consistency between schools. Some boarding schools are good, some aren't. Then you also have to factor in the child's personalities as some will love the same school that others will have hated.

You have to look at your child and look at the school and then make up your mind. Other peoples' experiences aren't particularly helpful, especially if they're 30+ years ago!

Both mine went to boarding school and loved it. Why don't you let her try it for a term. She might miss the home comforts and the 'being able to get away from it all'. I hated the fact that my two loved boarding school, I didn't want them to go and would always try and bribe them behind their dad's back to come home...needless to say it didn't work but they do love being home during the holidays and getting home cooking, PS4 etc.

I boarded in the 90, it was my idea and I loved it. I'm really grateful to my parents for supporting me and we have a close relationship as adults.

The most important thing is the right school for each child and that no child is boarding without wanting to.

I work in a boarding school, I see lots of children everyday who love boarding. They laugh, smile and joke from dawn to dusk, it really is the most uplifting environment to work in. Of course things go wrong from time to time and there are the occasional tears but supported by their peers (who become much like siblings to them) and a highly dedicated and caring team of staff the lows and blips rarely last long.
Modern day boarding is so different to the dark days of cold, showers and a weekly letter home, the focus is on an action packed, home from home, cosy environment where parental contact and communication is actively encouraged.
I think comparing boarding today with boarding decades ago is somewhat like comparing a hospital stay for a child in current day and times gone by. No longer are children put in isolation, on bed rest with occasional visits from mum, today it's mum sleeps by child's side, wards are designed around kids with games consoles, dedicated play therapists and entertainment.
Let her give it a go. Arrange a meeting with the housemistress so you can meet some of the girls, staff, tour the house etc, hopeful that will help you to relax a bit.

I'm going to say she's just the right age to really really enjoy boarding... personally I think 11 is too young and kids still need their families - but mid teens? They're in heaven spending so much time with their friends.... and none travelling. Seriously if she is longing to do it and you can afford it, do. My godson's sister did exactly this... day until 15 and then boarded -and loved it! I know others too but especially her....

And I'm guessing its weekly boarding which really only means 5 nights away each week....

Boarding has changed so much in recent years, I don't think the boarding experience can be compared between generations. My DS1 is about to leave upper 6th after seven years of full boarding. He has had a whale of a time, truly extraordinary opportunities and is going to miss it enormously. . Boarding tends to suit outgoing, sociable pupils who have chosen it themselves. It's also best to be at a school where most pupils are also boarders.

Thank you all very much, I think this was what I needed to properly look into it. I have arranged a meeting with the house mistress for next week to discuss options and have a look around the house. Out of her close friends, 3 love it and one has told me a number of times she'd rather be home. She of course could move back home at any time.

My DDs always told people they had two homes, school and home. Boarding houses vary in terms of being up to date, size of rooms, bathroom arrangements but staff are key. Also somewhere to do prep without interruption at the required time.

Good luck. Your DD is very lucky that you are willing to push your own comfort zones for her. She is also very lucky that she can go back to being a day girl if it doesn't work out!