How to I motivate my son to reach his full potential (he's very bright but only wants to put in minimal effort)

[JEWALSH]

Hello everyone

I'm new to mumsnet - this is my first post.

My son got 3 level 5 SATS last year and started secondary school in September.

He is in the top sets for Maths, English and Science and all his teachers say he is a natural set 1 student who should aim very high as he has the ability.

I went to parents evening last night and all his teachers said the same thing - he is only putting in minimal effort.

His geography teacher said he has amazing ability for an 11 year old and he got 82% on his test without any revision.

I am extremly worried about his English as he has gone down to level 4c (he should be aiming at 6c) - he can do it, he is just being lazy. After getting a level 5 he is not using punctuation, capital letters and getting words like their and there mixed up.

I am at my wits end - I do not want to see his work slide.

He has said he will buck his ideas up and doesn't know why he is being lazy.

Has anyone any ideas to motivate an 11 year old boy and enable him to reach his full potential?

Sounds just like my daughter. She can judge perfectly how much effort to put in to get an A in the subjects she is interested in. Lots of bright kids do this. Also many bright kids don?t like to stand out by achieving well in every subject! Hopefully you will find that as your son moves further up the school and gets the chance to drop subjects he is less interested in it will improve! As tigermoth says boys can be competitive over marks so that may help (doesn't work with my daughter!). I asked my daughter what advice she would give you. She said maybe encourage your son to do homework at school at lunchtime and break (as she has always done) to free up time to do more interesting things at home! Whether this is an academic interest not covered in school or just something which inspires him it will make sure he retains his love of learning. Even if he doesn?t achieve 13 A*s at GCSE and stunning A levels ? if later a burning urge to study something overtakes him he can always do an Open University degree (or even go to University late). We all seem to fall in to the trap of thinking a child?s entire life is governed by what happens in secondary school, but there is more than one way to skin a cat! Our two get a ?thank you for revising? present after the exams but before the results if they have revised, and my daughter has three different plans to choose from if she doesn?t get the grades she wants for entry to the University course she is desperate to do (though this desire is resulting in some voluntary revision...).

Yes of course "mentoring" is brilliant!

I mentored a bright but lazy boy about 2 years ago. It is really helpful. He was a lovely kid. We set targets about how he could improve and what he wanted to achieve every week. Just doing this seemed to make him improve. It is not confrontational or nasty, but really supportive, and also you get to know about other things. E.G he was sitting with kids who distracted him in one lesson, and wanted to move away from them to work, BUT didn't want them to know. I told classroom teacher and he switched them all round, and it made a big difference.

FWIW I have a very bright but laid back ds (13). He doesn't particularly like school, and TBH is probably not achieving his full potential. But as long as he is doing OK, I let him do it how he wants.

There is a lot of research around that studenyts who do best at uni, are not those who get loads of GCSE's and A levels, but the ones who are somewhere in the middle.

Just wanted to add my voice to Franny and Noddy's - it's no fun to be on the receiving end of this kind of pressure when you're 12.

That research give me hope, fizzbizz. It would be nice to think that the more laid back and average students do well at university.

I hope univesity admissions bodies are aware of this research, but wonder if they are, judging from what I just read in the Sunday papers today:

Apparently with so many students getting straight 'A's at A level, universities are using other criteria to weed them out and decide who to offer places to. ie music grades and individual GCSE grades. So if your child got a C in maths GCSE, even if they got straight As at A level, that could cost them a place at their chosen university.

If this really is true, what a lot of extra pressure for 14/15 year olds and earlier, never mind the sixth formers.

No, don't think admissions are aware, BUT it was a big research thing, but can't remember where I read it. I think it might have been New Scientist.

JEWALSH - my 2 are bright - in yrs & & 8.

I am frankly incredulous that you offered your son £50 per Grade 5.

He is just settling in to secondary school - a huge step.

You are putting far too much pressure on him. Children are motivated by interesting lessons and varied activities, not by pushy parents.

Typo.. hould've been 'yrs 7 & 8'

Is he enjoying school? I honestly think that that is the most important question for a year 7.

I taught any number of bright boys who would coast along quite happily (I mean, 82% with no revision, why wouldn't you?), but who could pull out all the stops on certain topics because they were more interested, and who put in the work when GCSEs rolled around. I also taught bright girls who simply stopped enjoying school because they put their heart and soul into every piece of work and it was too much.

I don't advocate slacking, and of course I don't know about your son, but I would rather have a coaster who enjoyed Science than a slogger who had all the joy taken out of it.

I hope he is just a happy slacker. Like my dh. Who is now pretty successful academically.

DH was another such happy slacker! He never got to do painting even at junior school because he was in the 'able but idle' group that got extra spellings or sums instead of the fun stuff. He coasted right up to his O levels. He is now a Professor, having found something that he really enjoyed and was very good at. He has miles more drive and ambition than I have, and I was a swot of the swottiest order when at school! Not so much at uni, I fear - Becky's analysis of bright swots rings very true with me.

I think you are being a bit hard on the OP.

I think a year 7 has to do more than simply enjoy school - my son enjoyed school a lot in year 7.

I purposely did not intervene as I had pushed him a bit to pass his 11+. The deal we struck was that once at secondary school, I would leave him to his own devices, give him a quiet place to do homework at home etc but be very hands off I did this throughout year 7. He enjoyed the football and social life no end. He coasted in class (teachers said ability was not the problem) and just sort of forgot about the homework....

That meant he had to go on report in year 8. He didn't enjoy that, but now he is working just a bit harder, and doing most homework assignments, he is enjoying school again.

He will never love school work, but I think it's very important that he comes to terms with it, and it that means a bit of pushing, from school and from me, then so be it.

I agree totally about the mentor system. As long as they find a mentor they can relate to.

DS has been lucky in becoming acquinted via my social network with the DP of a friend who has gone through the same sort of thing when he was at school. This chap is now in his 30s and only just figured his life and career out. He is a structural engineer with some quite famous buildings in his portfolio, but he relates to my DS very well and they chat about careers, life in general, fast cars, wine and how to know a good one and other boy stuff.

This chap can bring DS out of himself in ways his own dad can't.

Mentoring was another 'strategy' that didn't work for my ds. Mainly on account of the fact that the mentor left (after reassuring him she would be there until the end of the year) and nobody bothered to tell him. He found out off one of his mates.

Thanks very much everyone.

All the different views are very interesting.

My son is extremely happy at secondary school and has made loads of new friends. Yes, I am putting a bit of pressure on him to do well but only because I know he is extremely capable and I came from a family where it was the norm to achieve nothing! I got 7 O levels, the only one of six children to get any qualifiations!) so education is extremely important.

My other son is 9 and I think we will have a completely different approach with him - he is just an average ability child and wouldn't respond well to any pressure.

Year 7 is a tricky one. They need to consolidate, learn about secondary school, make friends, do a bit of growing up. Cut him a bit of slack now. Oh, and 13 GCSEs is utterly ridiculous.

I don't think bribery is a bad idea if that works for him, though maybe £50 per level 5 was a bit high as you say.

After all, it's a close proximation of what happens in the real world. If you work hard and get good grades you have a better chance of landing a high paid job.

Er look at dates! He was Year 7 10 years ago!

The child in the OP is now in his early twenties. The thread has been resurrected by someone plugging an eBook.

Sorry, but at the e-book plug.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Should have known when she said 3 level 5s for SATS!

Why is it the government's fault that boys underachieve? They have the same opportunities as the girls who can also be lazy and not reach their potential.

I know this is a Zombie thread but why of why do we persist in thinking that the only proper use of intelligence is to pursue excellence in academic qualifications. Bright, intelligent people should be encouraged to find something they are interested in so they are motivated and happy to apply that very able brain, that might be a trade or a hobby turned into a business or something more creative. Labelling kids as lazy is not helpful - helping them discover what they love doing at least give them confidence and motivation which can rub off in other aspects of their life...it might even lead them to a well paid job.
Degrees are not of benefit to everyone - even the very able!

Didn't even notice this thread was 10 years old. Will pay more attention in future

Have you asked him if he's trying his best and working hard?

I totally get you want the best for him, but as he goes into Year 9 that will probably get him focused. He'll be making option choices and on the new graded GCSE system which so far appears to be stretching students and throwing up detailed on text they could easily miss. Whether they're bright or not, when it comes to GCSEs most of them will really want to do the best for themselves.

This is one of those zombies though where I've read it all the way through and I'd love to know how the now-adult actually did in GCSEs/A Levels/uni.

He probably pulled up his socks and got some decent results. But if he didn't, if he listened to some 2007 posters insisting that there's no need to excel academically if you don't enjoy it. I'd feel a bit cheated if he's working a zero hours contract, up to his eyeballs in debt for a third-rate degree he can't use, with no hope of affording a house any time soon.

I think the days of being able to have a decent standard of living without working very hard are gone for the UK. The writing was on the wall in 2007 but it's understandable people thought that the post-war quality of life boom could last forever. We're a society of haves and have nots now (again) and anyone who tells a bright kid they don't need to work hard is nudging them towards a lifetime of scraping by instead of thriving.