Social isolation due to living a distance from school

[levegal7]

Hi, I am worried that my daughter may not make friends at school because we live 10 miles away. The school is a grammar school and many travel to it but there are no pupils travelling from our side of town. My daughter is the only pupil from her school who will be attending the grammar school. Its really important that my daughter makes friends but now I am worried about the social isolation aspect. Has anyone any experience of their children travelling a distance to school and what it meant for their friendships? Thank you.

We're at a grammar school with many kids coming from a 12 mile radius catchment. Generally kids take public transport and make friends on their route as well as from their lessons / year groups etc. There are positives.

The negatives are the amount of ferrying you as the parent will have to do to facilitate get togethers; and the fact that you say there is no late bus - does that mean your DD cannot participate in after school activities? That might be an issue: in our school it's definitely frowned upon I'm afraid, may not be a problem for you though of course. Our school actively encourages kids to join clubs, orchestras etc. and there's a lot that kids can do to enhance their school experience.

And whilst your DD is yet to start secondary school and understandably you say you're reluctant to let her travel on her own to see friends, they do grow up quickly from year 7 and most kids gain a bit of independence. Good luck with it all.

Just to add that the school we looked round had the majority of it's clubs in the lunch hour because of the bus reason.

I went 7 miles to school and my friends came from across the catchment. Just means parents need to be prepared to give lifts/pick up from train stations etc.

DS is at a school 10 miles away and as PP have said you just have to taxi them around a bit more to prop up their social life. But in the first years of secondary school you would probably do that anyway unless right on the doorstep. Most are in the same boat though so nobody thinks distance rules out friendship.

Ds1 is 15 miles from his school, other dc are further away in the opposite direction. He is now yr12 and has a good friendship group spread all around the county.
He is another one who uses technology to keep in touch, Xbox, messenger and various others.

We also ferry him around a lot-dh and I work alternative hours to make things work at home.

For him the school positives have definitely outweighed any negatives around friendships.

We encouraged DD to work at maintaining local friendships as well as school friends as it's nice to have local friends for the holidays.

Don't worry too much about her being introvert, so many of these girls are super bright and a bit qwirky - in the nicest posible way. My daughter has had the best school experience ever, yes we have to do a bit more driving but it's been worth it for her and us. You must have chosen thst school thinking was the right fit for her so don't doubt yourself now. She will have induction days coming up and they are great fun plus she will get a chance to meet new class mates. Try not yo worry - I know it's hard as I did the same but the schools are usually very good at handling the transition

My children went to a secondary school 15 miles away. No one else from their primary school went though my elder daughter knew two girls who were going from other schools and my younger one knew one girl from another school.

They travelled to school by train from the age of 11, but we knew that we would have to drive them to and from any social events. Although we live very close to a station, most of their friends didn't. Some lived 15 miles the other side of school. The school provides all parents with a class contact list and we got to be organised about lift-sharing with others who live locally.

The school was very good about arranging things so that girls who would be using the same trains were in the same class, and they also organised a spots course a few days before the start of term for all the year 7s. That meant that by the time term started, they had already made new friends and practised the train journey (which involved changing).

It doesn't last long. My 17 year old is due to take her driving test next month and is looking forward to driving herself and friends to parties... not sure how I feel about that. I think she's a pretty good driver, but I know I'm better!

DD at grammar only 3 miles away and had four other girls from her primary school going too. The intake of 200+ Y7 girls was from over 100 schools so a huge number of them were the only one from their schools. DD walked to/from station with a girl from her primary school for first two terms but now they don't meet en route but often meet up at station. She has also got friendly with others who travel in same train but join at different stations.

But she has basically become good friends with two girls she didn't previously know (and who didn't know each other) who live about six miles from us and two miles from each other. They quite often socialise e.g. on a Friday after school and it tends to be that they all go home together to one house on train/bus then the other parents pick up later in evening. I'm hoping that soon she will be confident enough to come home from there on train or bus but as not her usual route she isn't yet brave enough.

I would say that if it's the right school for your DC and you are willing to do the occasional drive to take them to/from friends then don't worry, it will work out. But do encourage them to keep up friendships with old school friends too.