Year 7 woes.

[Trampire]

My dd is 12. She's very mature (5ft 5, size 10 women's sizes with E-cup boobs) and she's also very emotionally mature (she speaks like she's at least 15 and we can talk about lots of grown-up things like politics and watch quite serious grown-up dramas together, for example). Teachers have said she'd 'ahead' with her general knowledge, vocabulary and general ideas.

She started secondary where she knew very few others. She wanted a fresh start from primary. At first it was really tough but she stuck it out and joined lots of clubs and eventually seemed to make friends and settle.

However the last week or so she's had a bit of a meltdown. She's off school today with a migraine. She says she feels all the friends she's made don't 'get' her. In order to fit in she's had to pretend to enjoy things she doesn't. Whenever she's tried to join a club to branch out her friends have followed her so she ends up spending all her time with them. They're only setted for Maths at the moment (more setting in Y8) so she ends up spending nearly all her time with people she now not clicking with.

She says the girls her tutor group are in tight little groups of 3 or 4 and there's not much mixing.

There was one girl she really got on with well but unfortunately she moved to the other end of the country at Christmas :(

She has her best friend outside of school but she's in Year 10.

I love the school (dd does too) and their pastoral care is supposed to be good. I've told her to talk to her tutor when she goes back in. They must have seen this before? I'm not sure what else to suggest.

Have I chosen the wrong school or would this be the same everywhere (I suspect it would be)?

I feel so bad for my girl. She just seems about 3 years older than she is and it's making her unhappy.

Has anyone else had anything similar? have you come through it? How?

My daughter is also year 7 and sounds like she is having similar problems to you daughter but she is the opposite in she is young for her age and is finding it hard to fit in as she is finding the other girls s lot more grown up into makeup and things where she still likes climbing trees, rugby and reading. I am hoping come year 8 things will improve.

Re everything is dong brilliantly group ...
Yep found that too.....
Dc1 is in Y8 and a mum was surprised when i said I wasn't convinced with the school for Dc1 (whilst acknowledging it was good for dc2). I didn't follow the herd of 'everything is great'....

That's interesting BluePeppers, my DD does stuff outside of school that some have followed her to, then they start picking off her friends that she's established (some with success). It's as if they need mine to pave the way and then they swoop in, every time. She's gotten wise to it now, even though she can't control it, and is more selective on what she shares, including which trips she's signed up to. Because she wants to mix with wider people other than the lazy ones.

I know this is age insecurity, and I'd be fine with it if they could all share the wider friendship group, but these individuals get very territorial and it all muddies the waters. I know there's a compliment there somewhere, but at the time, it doesn't feel like it in the way that's it's done.

chaplin so much nicer to climb trees, play sports and read than to have one's head stuck in a phone. She sounds lovely.

Chaplin your dd sounds lovely. Even though my dd is very mature physically and a bit emotionally she still hates make up and never has a hair 'do'. She's doesn't own a dress either!

In fact everyone's dcs sound lovely on this thread. I wish my dd could mix with them. Thanks for all the advice and just the general chat about it really. I feel much better about it.

I was given quite a hard time from the Primary parent groups I knew. When they heard we hadn't chosen our feeder Secondary School they didn't let it lie for months. They would cross playgrounds to tell me about something awful they'd heard about our chosen school, all said with a knowing look. I was told that children should go to school in 'their community' (our chosen school is only 3 miles from my house!). They basically set about undermining my choice. Dd had it from the kids in school too.

These are the parents who shout everything's amazing in Y7 constantly. I don't really know many of the secondary school parents too well but from things I've picked up their have been lots of friendship squabbles. Mainly amongst the girls.

Although I stuck my head down and stuck to my guns I think it has made me jittery. I was pleased to find at first that I did love the school and so did dd. So fast forward 9 months and any worries dd has tends to make me question things again, although they seem to be very normal worries.