DD struggling in y7

[WhatsitallaboutAlfie1]

My lovely DD entered private from state. It's a high-flying place with many wealthy pupils, and DD is all at sea a year in. She feels 'lesser' on every level - academically, financially, socially, etc, and is unrecognisable, personality-wise. The school is helping all it can, but we wonder how long we give this - while realising every school has 'issues' and DD's feelings of 'not being good enough' will take time to sort/unravel.

Thanks Trampire - am following your thread. We chose the school because we thought it strong on results and pastoral care, but I am not sure what teachers can genuinely do if your child feels friendless. QG mum - we're not averse to changing schools, but I can't quite get used to the idea of parachuting her into the middle of a Y8 full of strangers (we would need to give a term's notice)

I have always been of the idea that you should go to a School where you and your child fit in; where you have more chances to make friends similar to you in all aspects and you share more things in common. Off course you need to learn to get along with people from
Different backgrounds but that doesn't mean you have to be close friends with them as you always end up with friends you share things in common. I have discarded high selective school for DD full of wealthy kids as I don't want her to spend her more important years in that environment.

I will start looking at suitable schools; she still has 6 years of secondary education and that is a lot to be unhappy. It can affect her confidence in her adult life.

Good luck.

I agree with QGmum. I would sit down and talk to your dd and reassure her that she doesn't have to stay there if she is unhappy. Togther talk about pros and cons of moving and explore options. YOu may find that in the process of doing this she starts to settle but if not she is reassured that you will not leave her somewhere that she is unhappy. Sometimes schools are just not a 'fit' for you and unfortunately, that's not something we can predict when we choose a school.

This must be very stressful for you WhatsitallaboutAlfie. To help yourself feel calmer you need to feel more in control. Sit your DD down and ask her if she would like to visit some other schools, state and indie. Pick a couple and call for a visit. All indies will let you look round anytime. States will be open until later in July and under less pressure after exams. Take a "sicky" from your DD's sch for the visits so they are not aware. Then get your DD on a couple of waiting lists if there are no spaces. If you know any parents at these schs then ask them their true opinion. This will make you feel that you have other options and there is no need to take an offered place if you decide to stay put. Schools are used to this. My DD finds her co-ed private secondary a much better mix than her previous state super selective all girls where there were many cliques and discipline issues. There may well be a good co-ed indie near you.

If the school's pastoral care is good, what are they saying - and more importantly doing - about how your DD feels? Do they have counsellors or pastoral staff in the school who your DD can talk to?

You do probably need to move her, but I do agree with Stinky that it's better to hit that moment when you become average earlier rather than later - it didn't happen to me until uni and I didn't deal with it that well as a result (and I've seen other people cope much worse at that stage).

Sounds as though the thing you need to do urgently is look at the alternatives. Once you have a good option, though: maybe it's worth thinking about whether it's better to accept the loss of a term's fees, in order to move her immediately. I recognise that it might simply be impossible, but e.g. I think getting a child out of an environment that is damaging her mental health several months earlier than otherwise is worth borrowing for, if that's possible. Or might you be in a position to home educate for a few months? If so that might prove to be a good buffer between one school and the next.