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Secondary education

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Original poster

Struggling with DS and his constant GCSE pessimism

12 replies

NeegansWife · 05/05/2017 07:39

I'm being as supportive as I can possibly be (praising all his hard work with revision, providing a quiet place for him to revise in, taking him snacks, making sure he has free time to relax, paying for a tutor once a week with the subject he's struggling with the most, being in contact with his teachers asking for revising strategies, telling him I believe in him etc) but his constant 'well I'm going to fail everything anyway' attitude is starting to grate.

He's not very academic and has struggled in lots of subjects for a long time now but I feel he's basically given up before he's even taken his first GCSE!!!

Any advice?

OP posts:
NapQueen · 05/05/2017 07:42

Could it ve self preservation? Convincing himself he will fail so that if he does he will still be right. And anything better is a bonus?

Id just repeat ad naseum, "as long as you give it your best shot, no matter the outcome, at least you know you have done your best"

StarHeartDiamond · 05/05/2017 07:44

Sit down and read through his notes with him, get him to explain a few things to you (start simple), he'll know more than he thinks.

Revision is very daunting. I remember it well especially gcse as my parents were busy and I felt so alone and struggled in some subjects.

I did fine in the end (3a, 3b and 3c's) but I was terrified.

Studying with a friend can help too but it does need overseeing so it doesn't descend into a meet-up with no studying!!Grin

Set aside a few hours to sit with him and hold his hand a bit to get started. Check his notes are in date order. Try and ascertain the main topic headings. And order some past papers as practise.

StarHeartDiamond · 05/05/2017 07:56

Also a wall map for each subject can help. But some a3 paper, write the subject in the middle and get ds to write the main topic headings all around. After that pick two topics (per day) for him to revise and then bulletpoint them on the sheet. Blue tack them to the wall so he can see them. You can then use these to test him on.

senua · 05/05/2017 08:29

Does he understand the marking scheme? Show him how to pick up the easy points in a question. He doesn't need to know everything, just enough to pass. The examiner will want to give points - just give them enough evidence on paper to be able to award the marks!

TheFrendo · 05/05/2017 08:41

"as long as you give it your best shot, no matter the outcome, at least you know you have done your best"

This seems impossible. How can a child possibly ever do their best?

Would it mean 2 hours revision a day from Christmas?
-- 3 hours a day?
-- 3 hours a day from year 10?
-- further independent study?

Badbadbunny · 05/05/2017 08:52

Sit down and read through his notes with him, get him to explain a few things to you (start simple), he'll know more than he thinks.

Absolutely this! One of the best ways to learn is to try to explain something to someone else. I did this all the time with my son and his Maths - he'd spend an hour on a single question trying to work it out and then when he finally came over to me to ask me to help, I'd get him to explain to me what he'd tried so far, and 9 times out of 10, he'd have the lightbulb moment without me having to do more than pretend to work through it with him (he thinks I'm a whizz at Maths, but, really, I've done nothing!!).

Show him how to pick up the easy points in a question. He doesn't need to know everything, just enough to pass.

Yes! You can easily view/download the mark schemes on the internet and then you can see where the marks are given for each part of a question, often, VERY, VERY easy to pick up a few marks, even on hard questions. It's far too easy for a less confident student to take a look at a question and give up before they even start, so throwing away a few easy marks.

TeenAndTween · 05/05/2017 11:13

I think it is reasonable to ask them to 'do their best'. That's what we did with DD1.

We knew her stamina, how much she could do without becoming over tired or over stressed. So we agreed a schedule that we thought was reasonable and balanced and encouraged her to stick to it, but with some flexibility as circumstances dictated.

We absolutely said that if she tried her best then she wouldn't have any 'if onlys' on results day.

It is tiring as a parent to nurse them through GCSEs, but worth it in the end.

DeanKoontz · 05/05/2017 11:19

Take him seriously. Either to call his bluff or reassure him.

Work out a what a realistic plan B would look like if he did indeed fail all his O'levels so at least he knows what would happen.

I consistently told my parents and school that I felt like I was going to fail and was never taken seriously. I did indeed fail... all 10 GCSE's and then the shit hit the fan as no one had ever considered that this might happen.

I eventually went on to get a degree and prof qualification, but at the time I really felt quite lost and unheard.

Original poster
NeegansWife · 05/05/2017 13:06

Dean the problem is I worry there's a real possibility he will fail most, if not all of them. I NEVER EVER say this to him. I've told him we just want him to do his best, we will love him no matter what happens and that the world will not end if he does fail them all.

We've got him a place at college that will still take him, specifically if he fails his English and Maths, that would just mean a 3 year course instead of 2. I truly believe he's in with a good chance at getting the maths, but the English is looking unlikely, even with the extra tutoring he's been getting with this. It just doesn't seem to click with him.

A good example at the table this morning. It's his 16th birthday today. One of his DB's expressed shock that this time next year he could start learning to drive. I replied to his younger DB that you have to take a theory test before you can start the practical lessons, to which DS replied "well there's no point as I'll just fail".

OP posts:
DeanKoontz · 05/05/2017 13:22

How has he done in previous exams/mocks? If he does well - you could remind him of this everytime he puts himself down. If he has a history of doing badly in exams then this is needs acknowledging. Can you identify why? and is there anything that can be done to stop it happening again.

I personally have always done badly in exams. particularly when there are a lot of different ones at the same time. I would have done much better if the number of GCSE's I took was halved. And this was proved the next year when I passed 3, and 2 the following year.

I would really be having a frank conversation with him next time he says he'll fail asking why he thinks that and what would help him pass the ones he needs the most, English and Maths etc.

I know people would disagree with me, but I think its much better to pass a few, with decent grades, than risk failing them all.

Original poster
NeegansWife · 05/05/2017 13:30

A few mocks have been encouraging but still low scoring, the others worse. Adding that to his glass half empty personality and it doesn't feel like there's much more I can do other than encourage as much as I can and incorporate the tips everyone has suggested above.

OP posts:
DeanKoontz · 05/05/2017 14:28

Then acknowledge what he's saying and get him to concentrate on English and Maths, Maybe a 3rd depending on what he wants to do.

I've seen very basic jobs were a B in English and/or Maths was essential!

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