Dd clashing with a teacher, borderline bullying?

[Lovemusic33]

Dd is in year 8, she's very bright, has Asperger and can come across as a bit annoying at times ( I'm not going to say she's perfect and has done nothing wrong), she gets on really well with all her other teachers, is top of the class for most subjects and they all speak highly of her at parents evening and school reports.

Dd has mentioned her music teacher several times, apparently he causes her of talking when it's other people (she does talk a lot ), today she was given a detention for talking when it wasn't her, I told her just to suck it up and go. Dd is upset as she is a top pupil and detentions are marked down on their online profile, this is the first detention she has had in 2 years, she wouldn't mind if she had actually been the one that was talking (because of her Asperger and the fact she can't lie I believe her when she says she wasn't talking).

Dd then told me that he asks her hard questions and gives her harder work than the others even though she's not very good at music, like he's trying to make her look stupid when she can't answer the questions. She also said that when he reeds the register he calls all the children by her first name only but when he gets to he he calls her full name, dd has a surname that makes her a easy target for bullying so to highlight it in front of the whole class seems a bit stupid?

I don't know if I'm better no PFB but dd has been through quite a bit, all her other teachers have been really understanding about her having Aspergers. Dd has a bad habit of correcting people's grammar (including teachers), I find it annoying and I have tried to explain to dd that it's a bit rude but she thinks she's being funny. I am wondering if she has done something to annoy this teacher but surely he's an adult and he should get over it?

Do I say anything or just let dd put up with it?

I would get in touch with the HOD, if there is one, and say your daughter is upset about music lessons, and could you meet to discuss? I am a teacher, and have been a HOD and an Assistant Head. I would prefer to meet and see what is what than have you, and your daughter, stew over things. I would not refer to bullying just yet, until you have had the discussion.

'HOD' is that Head of department? If so this teacher is HOD as he's the only music teacher (small high school).

Dd isn't too upset, luckily she hasn't argued about the detention (which probably would have made things worse), she's not the only child to have issues with this teacher, a few parents have mentioned it to me. I think I will send her tutor a email?

How about head of year?

Because she has aspergers she cant lie? DS1 yr8 autistic so I get the can not lie comment but think its improtant to ellaborate on it. In her opinion she is not telling a lie.

However, subjectively could she have been chatting through 95% of the lesson, just happened not to be at that moment in time?

DS has massive anxiety about getting a detention. The punishment would be very severe to him and would alienate him from teaching staff.

I think i'd start by emailing the SENCO direct and asking for a reasonable adjustment to be made and the detention be muted to another punishment. Id ask about what systems could be used to help the chattering and mention the differentiation being made about your DD's name.

Dd said that the teacher shouted at the whole class for talking and said 'next person to talk gets a detention', someone spoke and he shouted at her that she had earned herself a detention.
So yes, she was probably talking earlier in the lesson, apparently by the end of the lesson 3 or 4 children had been given detention for talking.

I will email the SENCO, dd is ok, she's worried that her form tutor will be angry because her tutor group has had the most detentions out of the year group.

I have given detentions out to students several times because of the accumulated disruption from their talking at different points in the lesson, even when I didn't stop the lesson and tell them they were talking (at times I just wait for silence and note down names). It sounds to me like your DD needs to let her music teacher get on and teach the lesson.

Teachers do make simple mistakes. I gave detention to the wrong child for talking last week. A genuine mistake that I only realised was wrong because the guilty party admitted it was her. In a class full of chatty kids sometimes it is hard to decipher which one was talking at that particular moment. When my form have this problem the conversation usually goes:
Me: did you do exactly as you were supposed to do at all times?
James: no, Miss
Me: did you do something wrong more than once?
James: yes, Miss
Me: so even if Sir was mistaken about this one particular incident, do you think your overall behaviour in the lesson was at the standard expected?
James: no, Miss
Me: so the detention isn't totally unreasonable then?
James: I suppose so

I don't get the full name thing - I can't think of a reasonable reason for it, but it is possible there is one. It is probably worth a mention "DD is uncomfortable with her full name being read out in the register when other DC are just their first name. She feels a bit different because of it. Would it be possible to avoid doing that?"

Some classes will mean more than one child gets detention for talking. It usually happens with new teachers where the kids aren't totally sure the teacher will follow through on detentions.

A good form tutor will be disappointed rather than angry. A good form tutor will know DD, know this is a one off and not overdo it too much. And a good form tutor will help her build bridges with teachers she finds difficult.

AmeliaLion
I do that EXACT chat!

Me: OK so you say you didn't tap the pencil when miss said stop
Child: Yes
Me: at that point in the lesson were you following every basic expectation
Child: no I was laughing because someone tapped
Me: were you involved in tapping earlier
Child: Yes but I only did it a couple of times and timmy did it more
Me: so you were involved in disruption, miss was right to pull you up even if at that exact moment you technically didn't tap.

I'd speak to the tutor OP. It may well be that because DC is one of many talking that that's part of why it's happened or when he said "the next person who speaks gets a detention" your child might have spoken buy because they were replying to someone else they weren't the 'next one'.

Worth a chat, equally worth reminding your daughter that we don't get on with everyone and keep reminding her about how to speak to staff etc.

It's the 'reading out her full name' thing that I have found a bit odd.

I'm not too bothered about the detention as I know dd does talk too much.

I have explained to dd that not everyone gets along and I have spoken to her about people's personalities clashing and she understands this.

maisy, clearly we are both awesome form tutors

Nothing wrong with querying it, lovemusic. If it doesn't stop after a polite email it may be necessary to escalate to HoY.

Are there any other children in her class with the same first name though. It may be that he says the full name to differentiate her from the other "Susie/Amy/Janet"

No other children in her years group with the same name.

So dd went to her detention along with the others and the teacher was not there ( door locked ), she checked her online profile and the detention was not logged down on the system.

Maybe she read her Mumsnet and realised!