When DD started in Sept she was the only one from her class at primary in her new form as most went to another school (we'd moved a bit further out when she was in year 3). So I was a bit concerned that she might struggle as she has always been up and down socially. She's a lovely girl but not massively confident so found people walked all over her and in year 5/6 her best friends started drifting away as they seemed to be maturing emotionally faster than she was.
On the induction day the new classes were all lined up and I noticed there were a lot of children from the feeder primary next door who all seemed to know each other and were all very loud and confident. Even the few people from other schools were in little groups and were chatting. DD was on her own and looking very apprehensive. However she came out at the end of the day and said she'd got chatting to some girls so we were feeling fairly positive.
DD suffers from anxiety in stressful situations and the lead up to starting secondary school (and the first couple of months after starting) were quite bad with her thinking the world was about to end and stuff (she was referred to CAMHS and got CBT).
Anyway when she started she found the girls from her induction day and all seemed ok for a week or so then they started drifting away (she said they looked at her like she was weird when she spoke to them). A week or so later she found another friend who seemed nice and all was ok. Then just after half term this friend went mad at her and screamed to leave her alone and that was the end of that friendship. It seems like a lot of the girls were making up rumours about others so it's likely DD got on the wrong side of this as her 'friend' was very popular and lots of people were jealous of DD hanging around with her. Anyway she was devastated because they were so alike and she thought she had found a really good friend. Luckily over a few weeks and some chats with me she realised this girl wasn't as nice as she seemed so DD just ignored her. I encouraged her to join some clubs and she met some girls who she is still friends with now. They don't have much in common (they like role-playing and anime and she prefers youtube and Little Mix!) but they are nice girls so she is ok in that respect although I have tried to encourage her to see them outside of school but she said they all roleplay at weekends and she doesn't like the sound of it. So it's not ideal but some friends are better than none!
My concern is that one of the clubs she joined is the drama tech club (lighting and sound etc) and one of the jobs is setting up the stage for assembly every morning. It's not something year 7's usually do but they accepted her as she has done lighting for school plays with her Dad in the past. Obviously doing this means she misses form room every day. In the last couple of weeks it has come to light that she likes to avoid form room anyway. After the Easter hols I said to her she should show her face to her form tutor. She said she got there and as the teacher wasn't there yet kids were standing on desks and throwing shoes at each other 
. She also said 2 girls were fighting in another classroom as one called the other a n*gger 
. She said they all act like wild animals and she hates them all. A few things have happened over the year - one boy calling her a cunt and a retard, another boy fancies her and strokes her hair, another girl steals her drinks sometimes and stuff from her pencil case, one girl yanked a clump of her hair out (she was from another form though). All this stuff has mainly stopped now. She says she isn't bullied just ignored. She doesn't really want to change forms as she said they are all as bad. She isn't unhappy just wants to avoid her form (which is hard when you have lots of lessons together!) but talks to them when she has to then finds her friends at lunch.
This is a very well thought of school that many people are desperate to get their kids into. It's not exactly the ghetto. DD is a very sensitive kid but I don't think she is lying or exaggerating. Reading it all back now it sounds awful that I haven't been to the school but she didn't seem upset by any of it just annoyed and she's not one to hide her feelings. Plus I didn't want to isolate her more by storming in and then these people getting in trouble and either way she didn't really want me to talk to her tutor. I did tell him early on that I was concerned she was struggling socially and he said he would buddy her up and keep an eye but that doesn't appear to have happened. I guess I was hoping that things would get better. And they have in many ways but I'm still concerned.
Any ideas?
Thanks :)