Looking for help. My son is 14 and in the past two years, his behaviour has become progressively more challenging and academic attainment bottomed out to the point of exclusion and remedial measures. Bright, outgoing, empathetic and capable, he started secondary school well, albeit with the forgotten homework, left resources at home scenario impacting upon his overall performance and attainment.
It seemed he was with a group of similarly capable boys, who were slightly subversive but always got their work done to a very high standard and to time.
Though bright, it is felt that my son got himself engrossed in the subversive side and wasn’t getting the work done and therefore, stood out for the wrong reasons. This then spilled over into something more sinister-wilful destruction of other student’s course work, disobedience/defiance and aggression towards academic staff.
He would walk out of classrooms, detentions or in the latter context, not attend. His mother and I separated and later divorced when he was 5.
However, until this point, he and I had a very positive relationship and spent quite a lot of time together. I live some distance away and as might be expected, as his secondary schooling progressed and he gained more independence, cultivated a more detailed sense of personal identity, values, it was agreed he would spend less time with me. A natural and not unusual progression-part of life. This steadily evolved into a more visceral rage/contempt for me and toward my home and property.
He would spend the majority of the time in his room and reacted very badly to my setting of boundaries. He has also become physically violent toward myself but at the other extreme is very manipulative, being very (superficially) charming to my mother and her partner and other people. In addition to extensive pastoral care, he has had counselling and similar interventions.
His recent spell at a pupil referral unit also showed great promise but when he returned to his school, the old behaviours resumed and intensified. On the one hand people have to want to accept help and he must turn that corner. On the other, he seems hell bent on self-destruction. I would rather him never see me again and have a happy, positive future, than continue along this path. I am not prepared to be blackmailed, emotionally, or otherwise by him, or my ex-wife. However, I was wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation and how they resolved it?