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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

DD1's Head of Year left me a message yesterday ...

19 replies

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 11:06

... asking me to call her. Can't think what it's about and DD1 can't either: says she's not behind, hasn't been in any trouble ... and doesn't seem to be in the slightest bit worried, just curious. So what on earth can it be about?? I've tried calling her back but she always seems to be teaching and therefore unavailable. The school secretary has suggested I try again at 1.15pm but I'm sick with nerves! I just want this over and done with NOW! Supposing she's been bullying someone, or is about to be expelled or something?! Oh God, it's like being back at school myself!

OP posts:

Piffle · 07/03/2007 11:07

if it had been serious you'd have been contacted by now without question.
Maybe it's a good thing she wants to call you about.
Calm deep breaths

Lizzylou · 07/03/2007 11:07

It could be good news?!
Like she's doing really well, has won a prize or something?

LOL at feeling like a schoolgril yourself, I'm the same when Preschool leader wants to speak with me!

scatterbrain · 07/03/2007 11:08

Maybe she's getting some award - or being given some special honour ???

Maybe they want to promote her to next year ? Take an exam early ??

Maybe they want her to join the netball team or play a big part in a play ?

There are loads of positive things it could be ?

cupcakes · 07/03/2007 11:09

It's hopefully good news - maybe they want your permission for her to do something?

Original poster

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 11:10

I don't think they ever call for anything good, sadly! And why the year head? And not yer form tutor? Or a specific teacher? I've just called OH and asked how we should deal with it if she's been bullying and he just laughed and said why even worry about it now when we don't know what the call is about. He just doesn't get it!!!!! So nervous, couldn't even manage my usual hot chocolate and pain au chocolat this morning! And certainly not getting any work done!

OP posts:

NotanOtter · 07/03/2007 11:11

it COULD be good news try not to worry

Overrun · 07/03/2007 11:11

You remind me of my Mother a bit tbh. She always assumes the worse, it could be quite demoralising for your dd to see, that you immediately think she is culpable for some terrible crime.
I know its easy for me to say, but try and relax, and just wait and see.

Aloha · 07/03/2007 11:14

What a shame to immediately assume your lovely girl is likely to have been doing awful things. I agree with Overrun. Have a bit more confidence in your child. How would you like it if you got a phone call from work and your dh immediately assumed you had been stealing?
You are just imagining all this. I know what it's like to assume the worst - I have Eyoreish tendencies myself, but try to calm down. It could be anything. Put it out of your mind.

Original poster

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 11:16

Isn't it sad that I don't honestly think it could be anything good?! She's hopeless at anything sporty, bright but unbelievably lazy, does the bare minimum, not so talented at anything that she'd be singled out ... an absolute sweetheart at home, but doesn't seem to have any close friends at school although she talks about several different people all the time and is happy to go to discos and parties, but doesn't mix with them at weekends, hasn't invited anyone over since she started in September ...

I'm sure you all think I'm mad, but I'm glad you know what I mean, LizzyLou!

At the back of my mind I've got a recent argument with a particularly irritating girl about a book borrowed from the library without permission, lent on, then not returned ...

OP posts:

Original poster

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 11:18

Right, I've bored you all enough and thank you all for your support. I AM going to do some work now, and will report back if I ever manage to get hold of said teacher!

And you're all absolutely right, I should have faith in her ... although she has occasionally been a little sneaky to hide a misdemeanor, but then it's probably understandable in view of the fact that I totally overreact to absolutely everything. I am definitely turning into my mother and this is history repeating itself.

OP posts:

Overrun · 07/03/2007 11:19

You're right that is a bit sad. I am really really hoping now that she has won something Let us know.

Original poster

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 11:22

Nah, not that sort of school. Wretched hot house, only takes the brightest, then takes all the credit for being so high in the flippin' league tables.

Of course, if it's something good, I'll then be praising the school to the high heavens!

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frogs · 07/03/2007 11:29

Agree with aloha. Dd1's secondary school has a very established system of rewards and sanctions, so if they phoned me up for something non-urgent I would tend to assume it was in connection with some incredibly tedious admin matter, eg. choice of subject options, need to rejig music lessons/exams or some mind-numbingly dull saga of lost PE kit.

Pimmpom · 07/03/2007 12:03

GameGirly - I am afraid i am exactly the same as you - always presume the worst.

I have butterflies for you! Hope it's good news

Original poster

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 13:48

Just a little update (for myself, really!). I got hold of the teacher who said she was in the staff room and that it wasn't the best place to talk so she would try to call me back later today. Can't eat lunch! Don't you think she would have said something along the lines of "It's nothing to worry about" if it hadn't been serious? Oh God, please don't let her have been accused of bullying someone. I don't even know why I think she might apart from the saga of the library book with the irritating girl whose mother is, quite frankly, rather odd too!

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Original poster

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 15:13

An update, for anyone who still cares about me and my neuroses! Apparently it is a matter of library books. The librarian has noticed that she takes out masses of books, which is fine, except that whilst she checks some of them out with her library card the proper way, she isn't checking them all out, although she does eventually return them all. Anyway, long story short, I've agreed with the teacher that I won't mention it this evening and she is going to have a word with her tomorrow and try to get to the bottom of it because there is evidently another girl involved, in that occasionally DD1 has been saying X took them out and asked me to return them. I suppose it's not all that serious, but I'm really puzzled because she'd told me of one incident involving a book the other girl had lent her which she then realised wasn't checked out when a missing notice went up. So she gave it back to the other girl and told her to return it (having read it first, of course!) and an argument ensued, blah blah blah, the result being that the other girl now has the book but DD1 doesn't know if she's returned it or not. I just hope that when she's called in by the teacher tomorrow she's honest and doesn't try to put all the blame on X. Sorry to have bored you all, but I'll sleep better tonight as it doesn't sound as though she's about to be expelled!

OP posts:

scatterbrain · 07/03/2007 15:31

Hmmmm - sounds more a case of them being worried that this other girl is maybe bullying your dd - or at least pressuring her into taking out books for her.

At least it's nothing huge though !

I suppose your dd does know and understand the library rules ? Seems a bit odd that they have got you involved really - I would ahve thought they should have just had a word with your dd directly and dealt with it themselves. I mean - quite simply she has broken the rules and they should enforce them. That's why I am wondering if they are questioning the influence of this other girl ?

How old is your dd by the way ?

Original poster

GameGirly · 07/03/2007 15:40

Yes, Scatterbrain - it does seem fairly minor, except that I've a feeling they're wondering how the other girl is involved too. I'm more worried that DD1 is bullying her in some way, not because she has ever been (to my knowledge) that sort of person, but because she really doesn't like her, but X doesn't have many friends and is likely to latch on to people and when she is rebuffed she then tells others unpleasant things about them. She is slightly odd, as is her mother, and she wants to share a room with my daughter on a school trip next year, but DD1 really really doesn't want to! Anyway, more than likely it's a situation that has got out of hand and I just hope she tells the truth and doesn't try to blame X tomorrow. It did at least give me the opportunity to tell the teacher that there is a problem between these 2 girls (she said she had noticed a clash of personalities!) and about DD1's concern about the room-sharing on the trip. Hopefully she'll just give DD1 a lecture about the proper procedure for taking books out and bang their heads together! As you say, quite minor, but on the other hand, a bit of a worry for me if DD1 is lying, being unkind or being sneaky. Who'd have kids, eh - SIGH!

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scatterbrain · 07/03/2007 16:11

It's funny - but you sound like my mum ! she always thought that it was me in the wrong - still does now actually. I was mildly bullied at school and she constantly told me that it must be my fault - it must be the way I had behaved - or I must have doen something to cause it !

It honestly sounds to me as though this other girl is manupulating your dd - any unwanted atention is harassment remember - so if your dd doesn't want to be her friend, but she is still bothering her - that's harassment in my book, and harassment can be bullying !

Please give your dd a chance to tell you what's going on without prejudging her. I never told my mothetr anything as she was so judgemental against me - I still don't now !

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