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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Disheartened about not getting my child into Private school

21 replies

user1488895047 · 07/03/2017 14:16

Hi everyone I'm really new to mumsnet and this is my first post .

I'm really upset that i didnt get my daughter into a private school . I had no idea how and when to apply. I have no support or anyone to give me advice . Im also a young widow .
My daughter is bright and intelligent and i feel i have let her down .
Does an independent school make a huge differnce ? I just feel so rubbish because of this. Im so young and i get everything wrong and realise after as im growing up too .

Im beating myself up at not being aware and focused . I cant use the widow exacuse because there are plenty of aingle motherwho manage to get their children into grammar or private schools
I feel like a failure .

OP posts:

YouMakeABetterDoorThanAWindow · 07/03/2017 14:42

You aren't a failure and you haven't let anyone down. You can't get everything wrong, look, you came on here, that is a good thing.MN is a fantastic support network so you have found the right place.

How old is your daughter? When will she start school? Have you got a state school place for her?

My DC goes to the local state and has friends at the local private schools-they all seem to be lovely kids and happy too. Although my DC get less homework, which is a plus for me and her.

MN is a fantastic support network so you have found the right place.

Stickerrocks · 07/03/2017 15:06

A substantial proportion of the remaining 93% who don't go to private school do well in life. In many parts of the country we don't segregate our children using the 11+ either. Why are you so concerned about private school? It's not a passport to success. I see young adults entering my profession from all walks of life.

Hersetta427 · 07/03/2017 15:10

Why do you assume a private school wold be better. My local state school is one of the top non selective state schools in the country and gets significantly better results than the very expensive private school nearby.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2017 15:12

I don't understand, did you miss an application date? Did uou speak to the schools concerned?

Enidblyton1 · 07/03/2017 15:15

I don't understand either. What age is your child? You can start at a private school any time if they have space. How many private schools did you consider?

Skeptik00 · 07/03/2017 15:30

Thank you for your comment , My daughter got into a state school 3rd choice . Am now appealing because council did not receive my additional supporting documents for social reasons. My son already goes to the school and they still refused knowing full well of my social circumstances.
Im so upset with all this .

Skeptik00 · 07/03/2017 15:33

Oh really ? I thought they have certain dates well thats what i read on their websites... and also thoight they are over subscribed and so much competition to get in to .

Skeptik00 · 07/03/2017 15:34

Which area are you in where the state schools arw really good ?

Skeptik00 · 07/03/2017 15:36

Thank you so much i feel a littlle better . Thank you again all for your much needed support . Widowhood is taking the life out of me ! I never felt lost when he was with me :-(

Hersetta427 · 07/03/2017 15:37

Does the school not have priority for Siblings?

Also if the school does not have a category for medical or social need then all the documents in the world will not be taken into account - none of our local secondary schools do.

You need to find out what admission category you were placed and why you did not get placed into a higher one (for siblings etc).

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/03/2017 15:40

State schools are good in most areas really. If you think about it, 93% of the population go to state schools so they can't all be that bad. I think the important thing is to focus on getting your daughter into the same school as your son - I'm not familiar with the appeals process but I'm sure someone will be along soon to help you.

Meanwhile keep your chin up, I'm sure you're doing just fine. This is a great place for support.

YouMakeABetterDoorThanAWindow · 07/03/2017 17:18

If you start a new thread on here with the words "appeal" in the title I'm sure one of the experts will come and help. Even if "the worst" happens and your daughter goes to the school she's got a pla e at you might find it works out for her? So with that in the back of your mind do the appeal.

Good luck

PhilODox · 07/03/2017 17:18

I'm sorry about your husband, must be tough on all of you

Do you not have any of the info from when your son applied? It's usually easier second time around as you've more idea of the process. I'm guessing his school offered the financial support because he was already a pupil, and they wanted to maintain some stability for him when his father died, but that wouldn't be extended to DD as she went elsewhere at the time. Only guessing, obviously.
Have you accepted the place you've been offered? Please do that as a priority, then ring your other choices to get on the waiting lists for those- even in heavily oversubscribed areas there will be movement.
Stay positive about the school she's allocated, so she is positive about secondary school.
Good luck!

PhilODox · 07/03/2017 17:23

Your post of 15:30 is confusing me though, did you apply to the independent school on the LA preference?

wickerlampshade · 07/03/2017 18:21

How old is your child? Private schools tend to take in at 4,7 and 11 (girls) and 4,5, 7 and 11 or 13 for boys so no huge hurry if they are in reception now.

Stickerrocks · 07/03/2017 18:23

I'm confused as well (I assume you've name changed part way through the thread). Is your son at a state school and now you are worried that sending your daughter to a different state school will harm her education? Is that why you wish you had applied to a private school for her?

Sending one child to a state school and another to a private school can be very divisive in a family. You should be able to put your daughter on a waiting list for the school your son goes to, so they are at least both in the same place. The waiting lists tend to move very quickly, especially if there is a sibling connection to bump you up the list.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2017 18:24

Op have uou name changed in the thread? As in skeptik are you the op?

If so why did the council not receive the documentation? Is there something you can appeal there or simply they were not sent on time due to lack of knowledge on the process?

SoulAccount · 09/03/2017 04:59

OP: sorry life is so tough.

I am sure this can be sorted out.

Make sure you are on the waiting list for your first preference school
Tell them you wish to appeal. Have they told you how to lodge the fact that you will appeal?
Tell school and LA, in writing, that there has been a problem with them not receiving the SIF (supplementary form) on which you told them that your son is already in the school and that you have social / medical reasons why your dd needs to go there.
Prepare your appeal. You will need a letter from one or two healthcare professionals saying why, in their own opinion, the school is the one that can meet your dd's social / medical need. You appeal FOR the school, not against the one you have been allocated. But you can say 'we need this school because it has .... that she needs whereas this is not available at the allocated school'.

I am assuming that the school your son goes to and you want your dd to go to is the state school?

Hoppinggreen · 09/03/2017 08:15

Sorry but your post is a bit confusing
Are you upset because you can't afford a Private school for your daughter?
Or are you upset due to the fact that your daughter didn't get the State state school you hoped for?

GeorgeTheHamster · 09/03/2017 08:29

You can't appeal if you didn't even apply!

SoulAccount · 09/03/2017 08:36

George: she did apply. She changed to a 'proper' name after her first post. RTFT.

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