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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

What happens about 'play dates'?

38 replies

Lucy7400 · 06/03/2017 14:01

I know they won't be called 'play dates' in secondary school but you know what I mean. Kids coming back to your house and vice versa.

DD starts secondary school in September. Of course that will mean the end of standing in the playground. (Hoorah!). But that also means no more getting to know parents. So, what happens when they want to go to someone's house? Do the kids just organise it and I step back or do we get the parents number to check details and hope we ascertain any weirdness via a short text message . What about sleep overs? DD only goes to families we know at the moment but this won't be possible next year.

OP posts:

Rockpebblestone · 07/03/2017 12:30

Regarding texting parents, as I mentioned in my earlier post you can send your DC in with a note detailing your contact details and an invite to your house. You then get their contact details when the arrangements are made.

golfbuggy · 07/03/2017 13:14

I'm obviously missing something, but I don't know the phone number of most of my DC's friends, nor do I have a clue who half the friends that wind up at our house are much less have their parents' numbers!

And of course when DC go to friends' house/ friends come to hours, there is no guarantee that there will actually be a parent there!

On the other hand every DC has their own phone and their parent can contact them directly if need be.

Rockpebblestone · 07/03/2017 16:10

Having parents' contact numbers is just useful, golf. If for some reason you need to reach your child and your child isn't answering their phone, it means you have a better likelihood of getting hold of them / knowing their whereabouts.

Regarding being on their own in the house with friends and possibly siblings, I think it depends on the maturity of the individuals. Things can go wrong, they can have arguments etc I think there are plenty at age 11 who are still not quite there in terms of being completely without adult supervision for several hours at a friend's house. Some, though, of course will be fine.

Hercule · 07/03/2017 16:28

Like others have said this is the stage they start organising things themselves. It's a bit scary but the important thing is to try and teach them how to look after themselves rather than continue checking up for them. My DD is 14 now and it's been a rocky ride. She's nearly got herself in some sticky situation despite my attempts at checking up.

On one memorable occasion I had a long and very pleasant text conversation with smother girl's mum regarding their planned sleepover. Then DD appeared home in tears saying they'd fallen out. I subsequently found out there was no sleepover, the mum I'd been texting was actually the girl herself, and the other girls involved had all told their parents different stories and ended up spending most if the night outside on the streets 😱.

The point of my story is that my checking up didn't work but luckily my DD didn't end up going though with the crazy plan in the end and made the correct 'decision' on her own.

So I monitor carefully and pretty much try to work on trust. And invite everyone round here ( I had 15 teenagers on this house over the weekend 😖) so I can get a feeling for who she's hanging out with. Still on hyper alert now though. And if my spidey senses start tingling I'll be making phone calls not relying on texts...

Hercule · 07/03/2017 16:36

Sorry to be clear she and her friends were 12 at the time hence the 😱 when I found out about the others roaming the streets at 2am

Orangetoffee · 07/03/2017 16:42

I only ask for parents contact numbers in case of sleepovers, otherwise dc just phone me to say that they are going to x house and what time do they need to be home. If it is quite a distance away they usually ask if I can come and pick them up.

ohforfoxsake · 07/03/2017 19:44

Fairweathercyclist I ask DS to get it from their friend.

golfbuggy · 07/03/2017 19:59

Maybe I've had an easy ride so far then, but one of the conditions of my DC having the freedom they do is that they keep their phonescharged up and can be contacted when needed. They seem to quite often hang about in parks/wood/random fields anyway, so knowing the phone number of the parent of the friend they are notionally visiting isn't necessarily very helpful - especially as I said upthread the parent may not even be at home!

BackforGood · 07/03/2017 21:37

Same as golfbuggy here. 3 of mine have negotiated their way through secondary school without me knowing the phone numbers of any of their friends' parents, and seem to have survived.

I do, however remember when my eldest was 9 or 10 and the whole world of secondary did seem so scary. In my case, all my worries stopped about 3 weeks in. They really do mature a lot between the end of juniors and the beginning of secondary. they will be fine, honestly

Didiplanthis · 07/03/2017 22:01

Not quite there yet but how does this work with rural areas ? We are 5 miles + from the secondary my children will go to. No buses. No pavements. No lighting....

SisterMoonshine · 07/03/2017 22:10

I've got a year 7 DD and struggling with this too.
The first time she went to someone's for tea I went to pick her up and it turned out the friend had 4 brothers between 17 and 25 yrs , all with mates and girlfriends etc round that evening. Some random young adult opened the door to me and left me to look around for DD - it was like some sort of student party in there!

ohforfoxsake · 08/03/2017 09:54

Everyone parents differently. It just gives me peace of mind.

nickEcave · 10/03/2017 12:56

My eldest DD will be going to secondary next year. We are in London and I don't drive so she will be getting herself to and from friend's houses by herself. Is anyone else in this position and have any advice? It will obviously be harder to meet her friends' parents unless I go to collect her from their houses and I imagine she would resist this as she will be going to school by herself (possibly travelling quite a long way, depending upon which school she gets into).

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