Wendying/subversive bullying? Need help either way please.

[user1486737884]

I hope I can make this coherent as I'm a bit stressed myself..
I have a dd in year 10, absent from school today due to being incredibly upset by a girl in her form. (I'll call her Jane)
We have had issues with this girl previously, she seemd to dislike my dd from the start. On returning to school after a 4 month absence due to illness, the two friends she had, told her she was not welcome in their group as a new person ( J) had joined them and they were happy as a threesome.
My dd struggled making new friends, she is socially quite shy and had some physical limitations which excluded her from many activities. Meanwhile J was doing everything she could to make sure my dd was excluded from as much as possible, whilst also inventing stories to the head of year to suggest my dd was being nasty.
About a year ago,there was a small physical altercation where she pushed my dd.
School were not helpful as they said it was one person's word against the other. My dd has bumbled along and then this year seemed to find some new friends as the classes have become more mixed.
This week my dd received a text out of the blue from one of her friends saying that after speaking to Jane, they had decided to end the friendship due to my dd being toxic. Other girls have followed suit, my dd has no idea what has happened and no one will tell her.
She also found out that Jane has previously tried to entrap her into saying things about other people whilst trying to record it on her mobile phone on the bus home so that other people can hear it.
Fortunately my dd didn't say anything.
She received a text from Jane this week saying, "No point in going to the head, what are you going to say? nobody wants to be my friend"
My dh wants to see the school, but we are well aware that this girl hasn't really done anything she can be called out on, my dd has no allies and is asking that we take her out of school because she just can't cope with being lonely any more.
If you have any advice I would be very appreciative.

Absolutely agree that you need to speak to the Head and then the Governors if you don't get a decent response to this bullying. There is a difference between when friendships 'die' a natural death, and when someone is deliberately excluded, which is clearly happening here.

and Jo Jo it is MORE likely that someone gentle, lovely and lacking in self-confidence is going to be a target of bullying. Even if she does join more clubs with others who accept her the way she is, it doesn't excuse 'Jane's' behaviour NOR mean it should be ignored.

Unfortunately, people like Jane who are unchecked and unchallenged grow up into adults who do the same.

Any reason why people wouldn't get in touch with Janes parents? I'm just thinking they are the people with most control over her and most likely to be able to control her behaviours

Don't contact the parents. They will deny there is a problem anyway.

She is biking your poor daughter. The school needs to sort it out.

Thanks all, I won't be contacting the parents, I know nothing about them.
It's half term now, so we will be following it up when she goes back.

Thank you
We are going away for a couple of days anyway, so that should take her mind off things.
I shouldn't be so negative, but the school have been so useless previously, even the support when she was ill was atrocious, so I'm not expecting much.
I just want her to have a smile on her face, she's been through such a lot in the past few years.
Dh has said if we have to take her out, so be it.

What sort of phone does she have? I have just googled "how to undelete texts" and there are a lot of hits. Have a look and see if you can get them back.

Ask your daughter to make sure she keeps all future texts and maybe you can take photos of them.

As for the school, no you can't force friendships but you can absolutely prevent bullying. It is entirely possible to be civil to someone without being their best friend.

And no, you don't contact parents. This is for school to sort out. They should have an anti-bullying policy and it should cover social media issues.

Just to say that I agree with everyone who has said do not contact the parents x 100. Go through the official school channels only.

Get some advice about undeleting the texts.
Can you move schools for a fresh start. Even if you now escalate things, doesn't sound like school has a good track record of supporting you, so not likely to in the future either.

Your poor DD. Year 10 seems to be a problematic year for friendships IME and social media/mobile phones are the devil's Work in this kind of situation. It's all so sneaky and horrible. You need to escalate escalate escalate. Email the Form tutor, Head of Year, deputy head and headmaster outlining in detail your concerns and that you feel like you've been fobbed off previously. Ask for a meeting ASAP, and refer to the school's safeguarding and bullying policies which should be on the website. They can't and shouldn't be forced to be friends but this underhand and unpleasant behaviour to try and ostracise your DD is definitely bullying. It's a shame she deleted the messages, but not the end of the world. Chances are this child will text her again and provide more evidence.

Well, wrote to school last week and spoke to year head, he is still to get back to me as to whether he is taking any action.
He spoke to my dd and said if anything happens in the future she is to let him know.
He made no mention to her of how stressed/ill she is, no counselling or anything has been suggested.
She is off school again and nobody from the pastoral care team has spoken to her about anything.
She is adamant she isn't going back as she feels it's indicative of the fact they don't really care.
I'm disappinted in the school, but not entirely surprised.

disappointed even.

Don't send her back let her start over somewhere new.
It's not running away it's removing yourself from a toxic situation.
I was bullied a similar age and It was awful and made me consider all sorts of desperate actions.
When I moved schools I started a fresh and became a new happier child. I achieved 10 GCSES all B and above.
Let her start again. She'll remember and thank you forever for listening