Is there a support thread for parents of struggling year 12s?

[Freddorika]

Hi. Dd is struggling with A levels and it would be lovely to hear from other parents with teens that are finding it difficult too!

She's doing biology, history and RE. Regretting choosing such weighty choices! Is predicted Cs but got a U for biology in recent mock test and an E in history.

She's a lovely girl but admitted yesterday she's working hard but feeling hugely out of her depth. Even the conversation is above her she says! 'Everyone' makes intelligent, articulate conversation and she feels stupid

Anyone else?

Play I watched was Glass Menagerie. I wish I was studying A level Drama

Knitting DS got the U in a written assessment - he didn't answer the question properly... I think/hope he should be OK with the performance part. I've spent the last few years nagging, begging, threatening, bribing, pleading, lecturing and none of it has worked.

DS1 has watched most of Fresh Meat this week (a series and a half so far).

this has been such a stressful week (admittedly it was half term but it still counts time wise) trying to COMMUNICATE with the sixth form heads of year/pastoral heads

and then finally when you get hold of one, they treat you like a naughty child . Well at least the one who treated me like a whining child actually talked to me, the other one seemed to have disappeared from school completely, even the Receptionist was not sure whether she had been there for the last few days or not.

Ds is trying to change back to Business Studies, at least the patronising head of year admitted that there was no question of him being thrown off the other A level, which made me feel slightly better, like it was our choice to change back, if ds can.

I feel very sorry for all the strain the A level teachers have to endure, but in the end, if we cannot get any response to our queries, it is the students who begin to self destruct. It is a like an organisation with no HR department, no-one to explain or mediate anything and just straighten up misunderstandings.

I feel angry that so much time and energy has been wasted on worrying over things that could have been sorted out last week before half term, and who benefits from this delay, no-one, and ds actually ends up falling further behind (which teachers will then hold us to account for later)

oh yes, Twelfth Night at the National was wonderful, ds apparently laughed the whole way through it; it was completely captivating, with Tamsin Greig as Malvolio(a) But he still doesn't want to do Drama anymore, it is too late now

School have now sorted things out, and been v proactive in offering support. However it is too late, ds is now in full school refusal mode for the 3rd A level and is refusing to go back to classes in that subject.

Not quite sure how to handle it, I suspect it is tiredness induced anxiety and he will feel better tomorrow morning, but this sort of outright phobic refusal is a new thing for school, he has only ever done it for social stuff outside school so really concerned. It is a phobia I think; I'm trying to see if dh can accompany to the lesson which he is refusing to go to, to break the deadlock, so he feels he can go back in without shame.

knitting you are inspirational with your tenacity.
I am a dreadful parent tending to bury my head in the sand re DDs lack of effort.
DD tells me she will get some work done this half-term but, 3 sleepovers in, no sign yet. She refuses to discuss the report we received on Friday. Graded C in English but E,E in other two subjects.

I also bury my head in the sand crunched I keep feeling at some point he will be interested enough to follow through, and if he doesn't...well he obviously isn't suited to doing the A levels in the first place...

A friend has a child with inattentive ADHD and it has highlighted for me how difficult ds finds it to start work and to concentrate for any length of time. He doesn't realise it is normal to find concentrating difficult, when you are not used to it, it is something you have to practice. Some strategies are really just to intersperse concentrating with other activities and not be frightened of doing a little bit, better than doing nothing. I don't think I found A levels very easy either, looking back, I was constantly distracted unless I was in class working with others, when ironically I found it much easier to focus. Perhaps your dd is a social learner and does better communicating ideas than doing things by herself.

This sounds like DS. It's all a bit too difficult for him.

It gets worse, ds now refusing to do A levels at all, and says he does not want to do Business either, and has refused to go in today.

We've spend ages thrashing out alternative solutions with him, but he just ends up getting angry and defeatist, whatever we suggest. Have suggested starting again next year, but he just repeats that he doesn't want to do any work at all, except Sports Btech (he is bad at sport so this is just a fantasy) I suspect he is in a bad place at the moment and no solution is going to mean anything at this stage, he is just flailing around. Will wait to see if school is any help, doubt it This alternates with periods of calm polite friendly behaviour where he goes on runs, apologises for causing trouble, sings lovely songs and chats.

DS1 sometimes finds it very difficult to start studying, especially if he perceives that he is struggling or falling behind with deadlines.

Most of the studying he did over half-term (last week) was for the subject he is already confident in.

I don't think he has looked at his weakest subject, despite the fact that he has AS exams in early June (it's not yet linear).

I feel so sorry for DC nowadays. It's so much more pressured. And A levels seem to be a big jump up from GCSEs. In my day it was possible to have a social life, do extracurricular stuff and still do well enough in A levels to get to a decent uni. Now you need real dedication.

DS is doing well but he seems to be constantly working which is worrying. Whatever happened to work life balance? DH and I worry he'll burn out before the end of Y13.

The problem is that It feels like the end of the world not to get the As/Bs at AS and A level and get into first choice uni but we know it's not. There are plenty of opportunities later in life to make changes and get where you want. Just by a different route.

Absolutely agree draylon. My DD1 did her BSc at an long established Uni and is now doing a Masters at a 'new' uni (ex art school I believe). She is so impressed with the enthusiasm of the lecturers, facilities etc compared to her traditional Uni and the encouragement towards achieving the career plan she desires.
Maybe this is always the case with a Masters, but I try to let it reassure me that, should DD2 change her current approach and want to go to university, it's not "Russell Group or bust".

this evening has gone better. Ds actually let me help him with some English. Today's meeting with school also went well, he seems much much calmer now that he knows what the plan is, and there will be some more support around organisation.

We received a letter today saying that DS1 is entitled to adjustments for his exams (separate room). He needs to use this in next week's mocks in order to be able to have it in the AS exams in the summer. Except he doesn't want to.

Keep the faith! I am a teacher and can see how demotivating the new specs are for my students. I am fighting to have some of my students not to sit an as exam-they will do terribly and it will shatter their confidence. I truly believe they will get a c at the end of two years. Be supportive, communicate with school but keep smiling and encouraging. Even my best students are overwhelmed.

Thank you superram. I am hoping that two years will work its magic and by the end, ds will have developed as a person and that will improve his ability to tackle the work.

We have had a good weekend, ds much happier and revised a bit of the Business syllabus he did last term in preparation for lots of catching up next week. He also sat down and did a fair bit of music on the piano (although it seemed to be mostly pop songs - he claimed it was chords for music theory...possibly they overlap )

Second tell your son that my ds refused to have separate room arrangements last year and he now regrets it - he might have passed Geography for a start ; luckily he is not doing AS's this year, just mocks, but they count internally, to get through to next year. I think just give him the pros and cons on a piece of paper, leave it with him, and then he might decide for himself, whereas they always say no, if you try and reason with them in person.

It's a huge jump from gcse to a level and unfortunately some doing a levels could be better doing something more vocational.

I agree with pp that Tony Blairs push for everyone to up to uni has backfired. It's meant the devaluing of degrees, tuition fees and kids doing a levels that probably shouldn't be. A levels used to be for the top % not for the average or mediocre students

2014newme I am not sure that your posts are particularly helpful.
The trouble is that at this stage in Y12 some pupils seem to be average because of the secondary school that they went to rather than their own ability. The top pupils at A level are not necessarily the ones with the top grades at GCSE. Those with just above average grades who went to less high performing secondary schools do often catch up. For others the issue could be that they have chosen the wrong subjects rather than their overall ability.
I do agree with draylon about the different types of uni by the way. The higher ed threads are the ones that are the most depressing as they rarely acknowledge unis outside Oxbridge or RG and it is time imo that this gets addressed and the "newer" unis get the attention they deserve.

I think too many kids are pushed to uni options when apprenticeships may be a better option. Some apprenticeship schemes include the option to work fir a degree on the job there are some fantastic schemes put there in all sectors plus you don't have years of uni debt

so, things seemed to have improved slightly since he gave up the 4th A level and is back doing Business again. Except that he has now gone off to a film tonight, by himself, and there is no obvious reason why he is rewarding himself at this stage, so I suspect he is again slacking off or not planning his workload. However, it is nice that he has the energy and enthusiasm to plan something like this and go out so that is something I suppose.

Determined to get him for a Vit D test. Difficult to know when to fit it in though, he is v reluctant after school.

I'm feeling positive today.

DS2 has been looking at History courses and has found some he likes the look of:

Aberystwyth
Swansea
Essex
Winchester
Worcester
York St John

So we might be going to some open days this summer / autumn after all.

He is half way through mock exams (to practise for this summer's AS and internal exams) and has managed to produce something for every paper so far.

Are those straight History Second or is it with some other subject? So far ds has expressed an interest in Loughborough, but that is because they had a presentation from a student there . Did you choose those places because of the course, the location/campus or the grade requirements - sorry that is a very nosy, possibly patronising question but I am already wondering whether ds would ever manage a blue chip course, meaning I'm not sure -know it is unlikely whether he is going to meet those double A, B standards.

Ds doesn't have AS exams this year, but he has to pass the external exams in the summer (presumably mock AS's?) at a Grade C to get through to next year.

Ds is obsessed by films and film reviews, but I cannot see him as a film maker or producer so although Film Studies is the sort of thing he thinks he wants to do, I'm not sure whether it would take him anywhere. Personally I'm still trying to get him interested in Opera Singing