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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

How much do you monitor teens homework?

26 replies

FarAwayHills · 08/02/2017 14:36

DD is in year 8 and has always been pretty good about school work. At the beginning of Y7 I helped a bit mainly by reminding or prompting about what needed to be done by when due to lots of new subjects and multiple deadlines. In Y8 I have backed off allowing her to be more independent and mange things herself. I do ask about homework but she always assures me it's all under control. So last week she totally forgot a project that was due and this morning she realised that she had forgotten about some homework due today.

So do I revert to the more hands on approach or let her face the consequences at school? I would be interested to hear what others do with teens and homework and if you let them manage things or do you get more involved? I also suspect that her constant attachment to her phone is having an impact so I might have to put some rules in place there.

TIA

OP posts:

Heifer · 08/02/2017 15:30

Part of me wants to totally back off with my daughter (yr8) but I also want her to feel supported and that I am interested. I find it a hard balance as too much and I get accused (fairly) of being too pushy/interfering. So I am trying to find the balance so she is managing herself. I log onto the homework system every few days so I know roughly what is due but I leave her to decide when and how to do it.

If she doesn't look like she will be doing any that evening I do ask her if she has anything due the next day or so. If she says no, (generally has forgotten) then I say are you sure Spanish isn't due soon - that will prompt her to look. Saves any major meltdowns as she hates to forget.

She works hard and wants to complete all her homework but like all of us - sometimes forgets or doesn't feel like it.. I try to help then by suggesting that it would be better to get it out of the way etc..

I found it much easier in juniors when she had homework every night due back the next day - she had a routine that she followed so was easy.

In Yr 8 she seems to get less homework than ever before (she does complete some at school) plus it seems very random as to when its due so its easier to forget.

Bottom line is that it would be better if she looked at the firefly system every day then she wouldn't get caught out when things have been added after the lesson that wasn't discussed etc...

Peanutbutterrules · 08/02/2017 15:35

DD needs help planning time or she gets stressed. So she writes it up on a whiteboard in the kitchen and ticks it off as she goes. We talk through timings of things if she's getting into 'I can't get it all done...argh' to keep it realistic. Also help with 'that's good enough' so she doesn't spend 2 hours on food tech .

So overview, help when needed, general organisational help.

TeenAndTween · 08/02/2017 15:53

DD1 needed loads of help, but it turned out she has dyspraxia.

DD2 is only y7, and h/w is done at weekends mainly.

In your situation I would maybe set up a system for a running list of homework at home - subject, what it is, due date, tick when done so it is visible to you and her. She updates it each day from her planner when she gets home from school. Basically a to do list. No organised person is without one of those.

Bensyster · 08/02/2017 16:12

I totally leave them to sort it out. I expect them to plan around activities and weekends away, I'll help them if they ask (rarely) - they are in Year 9 and they have developed a really good attitude to studying.

Original poster

FarAwayHills · 08/02/2017 16:15

Thanks for all your suggestions. It is good to hear that others are generally still pretty involved I do keep an eye on things and look at what's due online even though she says I need to back off. I think the difficulty is having a balance between being involved while at the same time letting her learn to manage things herself a bit more.

OP posts:

AChickenCalledKorma · 08/02/2017 16:23

I think you are totally right that it's a balancing act. And sometimes it will be necessary to step up the level of micromanagement, but then back off when things seem reasonably under control. Learning through the experience of getting into trouble when something's not done is a healthy experience. But if the whole thing is going to pot because they just can't get organised, some parental input seems appropriate.

My DDs are years 7 and 10 and are both required to show that a parent has signed their planner at least weekly. Which gives me a good reason to have a look ahead at what's coming up and help them spot stuff they they've forgotten or under-estimated the time commitment for. (To be honest, I still find that I sometimes need to do the same for adults who work for me, never mind my kids!)

pishedoff · 08/02/2017 16:27

DS is in year 8 too, I check his student handbook every day ( more to see how much he's getting ) but don't tell him to do homework, nor do I check it after he's done it

He'd hate to get into trouble at school so would never not do homework

Trifleorbust · 08/02/2017 16:58

I think it would be helpful to review homework with them weekly, on a Wednesday or Thursday: how much do you have so far this week? When is it due? How much more do you expect to get? But by y8 this should be a short discussion and they should be completing and handing in homework independently.

sazzy5 · 08/02/2017 18:05

My DS has a lot of homework and does a lot of sport outside of school. I check what homework he has and help him prioritise as he has a tendency to do the subjects he likes first. I help him with vocab tests for Latin and French but he does the homework himself. If he forgets he gets a detention so he is pretty motivated to do it!

tovelitime · 08/02/2017 18:15

All homework is on an online portal which I check every couple of days so that I can ask what has been done and what needs to be done. I've realised (year 9) that some of the homework including assessments aren't being prepared for as well as possible so I'm stepping up the help especially for subjects which will be GCSE subjects, currently year 9. I can't even begin to do anything to help in maths but I've started to offer to help practice French and to read over English and history work to help point out where improvements, such as capital letters!!!! Can be made.

Bensyster · 08/02/2017 18:22

I sometimes am given a poem or an essay to read - but if I pointed out S&G mistakes it would not go down well....it really is not worth the argument.

golfbuggy · 08/02/2017 18:27

Leave it for him to manage himself. We've had the odd time where he's discovered he's left some key book at school or left himself 3 pieces of homework to do in a night when he is already busy with extra-curricular, but it's been very much a case of he's learnt from the mistakes. I do think DC need to find their own way of doing things too - e.g. just because you think they should evenly space their homework out doesn't make it the best way for the DC to do it that way!

booellesmum · 08/02/2017 18:34

I have 2 in year 11 and year 8.
I ask if they have any homework just to make conversation. I sign the homework diary for the one in year 8 every week (don't think they bother by year 11) but I don't check to see if the work has been done.
I only get involved when they ask me to, and then I'll happily help. This week I got asked to help with Spanish revision for 2 hours one evening.
They do well at school and get good reports. I guess I'd check up more if I felt I needed to.

omnishambles · 08/02/2017 19:52

My ds (Year 8) needs quite a lot of prodding so if he isnt being forthcoming I will just login to Showmyhomework myself and ask what he is going to do first and if he needs any help with it which he wont if it is science or maths and will if it is humanities.

He can be extremely lax with assessments and so needs encouragement. Since I have been hands on his whole attitude to school has improved - I just hadn't realised that he needed a lot more help.

Lottie4 · 09/02/2017 09:56

Mine has never liked me getting involved. Having said that I've always shown interest in something she's doing if passing, regularly ask her if she has a lot to do (so we aren't putting pressure on her to go out when work needs doing) and make sure she's coping okay.

You'll find once they get into Year 10, they'll have twice the amount of work. I know it's hard as you don't want her to get into trouble, but she does need to manage her time as it's only going to get worse.

Chasingsquirrels · 09/02/2017 10:05

Ds1, now yr 9. Since he started yr 7 the total of my involvement has been to ask if he has any.
His reports are nearly all 1 (out of 4) for classwork, homework, organisation, effort. So I'm going on the basis that he's getting it done. Sometimes we chat about content, but it's always initiated by him. Last night he was telling me about his history assignment about "the point at which WW1 became inevitable".

Ds2 is yr 6, and I expect to that I'll have to have a LOT more input into ensuring he keeps up with his homework.

steppemum · 09/02/2017 10:06

ds is year 9 and dd is year 7.

I guess I get as involved as I need to be. So initially there was a lot of 'have you got any homework?' I would occasionally check the planner.
I would remove phone and send ds off to do his in year 7/8, but now in year 9 he is totally responsible.

There were a few projects that ds asked for help with, and still, very occasionally moments where he gets stuck and we support.
We did notice that his French was dire, and we bribed him to use dualingo for 4 months to practice and that helped enormously.
School told us about a long English project in year 8 that needed planning and we pushed him to make sure one item was done each week, and not all left to the end.

dd in year 7 is almost entirely independant. This is partly because she does a lot of hers at lunchtime, and has very little in the evenings.
She did get a big art project, and we sat down together and worked out how she was going to structure it.

Their schools are quick to pick up on homework not handed in, so we would know if there was a problem.

But I think they are both unusual in being quite independant. I would have supported and helped more if they wanted it. Most of the help I see as necessary is providing a time and a place, and letting them know we care about it, and are there if they need it. I have almost never helped with content. I think the only time was when ds was struggling to find the right information online, and so we searched together and I helped him to work out what fitted the criteria. And maybe the occasional maths question for dh.

Exams is the time we have ha dto be more involved, and insist on revision, and enforce phone free revision times.

bojorojo · 09/02/2017 10:14

My two went to boarding school at 11 and I never saw any homework! Like most schools of this type, prep time was a stipulated period of time in the evening and activities and meals were all timetabled after school. It was quite difficult for any child to spend two hours on one subject - well impossible actually!

They had workstations and of course everyone else was doing their homework too so there was a shared purpose. A teacher or two were supervising for any queries but obviously they didn't do the homework!

Most ordinary children learn from the experience of forgetting to do homework.They make sure they don't do it again! A notice board displaying the homework timetable in the kitchen is a good idea for prompts but I think children do have to take responsibility. When a child "forgets" on a regular basis the trick is to work out if this is avoidance or disorganised forgetfulness.

YakiUdonYumYum · 09/02/2017 10:44

Yr 9 and I ask, most days when she gets hone from school, if she has much homework. She hides in her room with laptop and phone, and homework seems to get done. She also does a fair amount at school during breaks, with friends.

She does have a homework diary and we are supposed to sign it - but in reality she rarely seems to use it and I've signed it maybe 3 times this academic year.

So I guess she's sorting herself out and managing it well for now. I might suggest a more involved approach in yr 10 though, if she feels the need for help.

Bensyster If I'm offered something to read, I ask if they want me to read it just for interest or if they want me to check their spelling and grammar as well... several difficult experiences has taught me this technique

omnishambles · 09/02/2017 11:30

Our problems weren't from forgetting to do the homework, just that DS hadn't understood what was going on in class (as he is at an academic school) and hadn't asked for clarification so sometimes I have to completely reteach the lesson in a way he will understand - i.e. vary the teaching style for his needs which doesn't happen at school.

This will stop in September as he drops all the subjects he struggles with whoop.

Bensyster · 09/02/2017 12:22

Yaki I don't need to ask why they are reading it to me - there's only ever one reason why they read me their essay or poem or show me their project and that's because they are beaming with pride at how good they think it is - I can see it in their faces and hear it in their tone and I like that they can evaluate their own work in this way and that they feel proud of the quality of their work - because that is what I encourage - "do work you are proud of" When they producing work that they are proud of it encourages a deep sense of satisfaction and encourages them to work harder.

CeciCC · 09/02/2017 13:09

I stopped being involved with my 2 DDs homework when they were in Y4..I would help if they needed help, but it was up to them to do homework by the due date.
Now my youngest is in Y7 and I asked her Friday after school is she has any homework but never when is it due.. They have to learn to take control of their work and time. DD2 has a very busy week after school... several sports so she know that unless she does it during the weekend she will struggle during the week. It happened the first month, but she soon learned.

Autumnsky · 09/02/2017 14:27

I don't involve in DS1's homework since Y7, but I did discuss with him and agreed the rule that he would finish all the homework the day he get it no matter the hand in date is, unless it is a realy big long project. He has 2-3 homework everyday, and he finishes these in time. I never asked or checked, as he will get pusnishemnt at school if he doesn't hand in. It maybe his personality, anyway, he is good at this.

user1486744029 · 10/02/2017 16:33

My sons are both in sixth form now so I generally leave them to it, in year 8 though I used to check up on them quite a lot

pointythings · 10/02/2017 19:17

Mine are yr 9 and yr 11 - I ask if they have any, help if they ask and that's it. If they forget, it's instant detention so they are pretty focused.

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