Fee discussion - independent schools

[LonginesPrime]

My children attend a state school but I'm considering moving one, or possibly two, of them to an independent, for various reasons, one being that I can actually afford it now for the first time. Two wouldn't be easy financially (especially with all the extras), but would be worth the sacrifices for the right school(s).

I went for a private tour of a school which included an informal chat with the head recently, and he brought up the subject of fees as in "the fees here aren't cheap, and with two children..". I explained how I would be financing it, and we moved on.

Just wondering if this kind of discussion was normal or whether I just had my own Pretty Woman moment because I was dressed in scruffs (and/or because my kids are currently in state school and/or he just didn't like me...).

Initially, I felt offended that he'd asked the question (and thought he might be trying to put me off), but appreciate that I may be being a tad oversensitive as I'm an outsider to the independent sector, having been state-educated myself.

Thoughts?

well I suppose it had to be said ...I suppose he wouldn't want people enrolling their children and then not being able to pay the fees.

On the other hand, if you did not get a good feeling from this school, look at others. That is the advantage of fee paying schools, you can pick and choose.

He might have had you pigeonholed as 'scruffy single mother '..

Ha - that's exactly what I am!

I agree it makes sense to have the discussion on a practical level, although I can't imagine that anyone would commit to a school for their children that they couldn't actually afford..

Yes, good advice - whilst some aspects of the school were fantastic, it was, ironically, the fact that kids were slouching under their desks in hoodies that put me off a little! Not that there's anything wrong with a liberal ethos, it's just the opposite of what my kids need from school at the moment.

"I can't imagine that anyone would commit to a school that they couldn't afford"
I've little evidence for this except that when we looked at DS2 school many years ago one set of parents we talked to admitted they lied that they actually had girls but had always fancied a look round DS's school, and I think I need to get a life So I suspect there are parents out there who look at independent schools, who don't have the money or the inclination to actually pay the fees maybe they are just being nosey and like you many get personal tours and coffee and biscuits with the head, and also a chunk of his time so maybe he was trying to ascertain whether you were visiting because you were nosey or genuine.

Or perhaps he was hinting to see whether you would want/need a discussion about any help with the fees from the school? Especially if they have spaces and no waiting list, perhaps he was ready to discuss a package deal on 2 in the form of a discount / bursary for the second one?

(You did not state any direct question in yoir OP, only that he mentioned high fees and two kids, so who knows...)

It's a relatively common question for them to ask, or at least it happened to me a lot while choosing schools for my DDs! I was a single Mum in university at the time and wasn't taken very seriously at all (my parents pay the fees) and was asked directly multiple times where the money for the fees would be coming from. I figured they had a right to ask, but couldn't understand why they thought I would waste an afternoon visiting them if I wasn't serious .

Definitely, definitely keep looking around for better schools though - the most expensive or the most well-known/highly regarded schools may not be the best fit for you and your DC. It can take time and gets very tedious after a while, but eventually you'll find it.

I know a school burser and there is some non payment of fees. And a lot of chasing people for late payments.
For me the extras are surprisingly expensive. Uniform and extras are significant.

Sounds a bit Pretty Woman to me. Have 2 DDs in independent schools with moves from primary to secondary and again for 6th form we have looked at 7 different schools and have never had even a hint dropped about how we might afford it.
We do actually struggle to pay for it at times - you just couldn't tell from looking at us.

My DH was asked by the head at a school interview whether he was planning on continuing doing the highly paid job that he was doing at the time. I think he asked about 3 times in slightly different ways

We didn't opt for this school in the end. But I guess it must be a pretty standard line of questioning.

Very awkward as my husband was planning a job downshifting move for more work/life balance. But we had already saved enough fees for the whole school career.

I think he mentioned it to open up the discussion to see if you were relying on scholarship/bursary.

i know a lot of people who went to see independent schools but would only be able to send their kids if they got a big bursary/scholarship. very very few did get it. Maybe he would then have gone on to explain the scholarship standard / bursary requirements.