Do I take the bird in my hand or wait for my two in the bush? SW London private school angst

[Fridayschild]

DS is in year 7 at a prep and I am after a London day school place for y9. He is a bright and thoughtful kid with dyspraxia, some dyslexia and a complete and total inability to spell, so entrance exams and pre tests are never going to to work well for us. At the moment I have three schools in play, two for occasional places (the schools do not have a 13+ intake).

First choice school: we are on wait list for an occasional place. The wait list doesn't have an order . We like this so much if they said there was a place in January we would take it even though we'd pay the prep school fees for our term's notice - not something we can really afford to do

Second choice school - we are on wait list for 13+ entry. This Is quite a new school, which will have one year of GCSE results by the time people have to stump up serious money to keep their place in Feb half term of Y8. So I am optimistic that there might be some more movement in the wait list than one would expect at somewhere more established like Emanuel.

Third choice - have offered us a place to be taken in Jan or after the Easter holidays of year 7. It's not awful. It just doesn't inspire anyone in our family.

Journey time for schools 2 and 3 is about the same. School 1 is very close which is part of the appeal for a dyspraxic kid who gets tired easily. I am loath to give you the names of these schools in case I talk up school 1 before we get a place and one of your boys takes it instead! (Sorry)

Do I take the third choice place or hang on for the others? WWYD?

It's an awful lot of Money for a school that doesn't inspire you. I would hang on in there

What is plan d? Ie how bad Will it be if you turn down school 3 and then don't get 1 or 2?

Others will probably say the same but have you looked at state schools - sometimes the special needs provision for dyslexia etc can be very good - though again, places may not be easy to come by.

Thanks Mary. You speak to my heart. My head is saying I might regret it in 18 months.

Don't go for school 3, surely one of the others will come up trumps?

I would wait. Don't choose a school that you are not really happy with.

Thank you all. At the moment there is no Plan D - I agree special needs support can be better in the maintained sector. My neighbour's boy has just started y7 in our local state school so I have time to see how that goes.

Although we could accept School 3 and move him again if one of the others offer, and we have not warmed to school 3 by then...

OK, so one alternative is go with School 3 now and keep waiting for the place at School 1. School 2 would of course no longer be a possibility, as your DS would not be preparing for 13+ CE.

The downside would be to your DS's peace of mind. Moving to a new school half way through Year 7 is always going to be tricky, and if he knows there is a possibility of moving AGAIN (to 1 if you're lucky with the wait list) then he may hold back from committing to friendships/activities. And how long would you wait until you completely gave up on all hope of School 1? End of Year 7? End of Year 8? It could be really unsettling.

To give you a SW London example, friends of ours were desperate to get their DS into Holland Park. They were in the top 10 of the waiting list, but it just didn't move and he started Year 7 at Portland Place. Poor boy was coming home for the whole of Year 7 saying 'Have we heard anything from HP?' Eventually an occasional place came up halfway through Year 8 and they moved him, but the 1.5 years at Portland Place were almost completely wasted as he never 100% saw himself as a member of the school - it was just a holding position.

Personally I would leave him where he is and cross your fingers for the occasional place at 1. Email them every month to remind them how passionate you are about their school and that you would take up a place immediately. If you can give them added information about your son's recent sporting / musical / academic achievements, so much the better!

Even if school 1 won't tell you your place on the wait list have they given you any indication of the chances of a place over the next 18 months? At my dd's W London day school I think about 10% left at the end of Y8 due to relocation or moving to a boarding school..

If there's a good chance of a place at school 1 I would hang on for this rather than take school 3. Taking school 3 and then moving him again is likely to be very disruptive and unsettling.

I wouldn't pay more than £100k for a school you are not particularly inspired by. There are lots of not particularly inspiring schools in the state sector that you can go to for free!

(Am Comp + Oxbridge as is Dh. We are in the catchment of a terrible - but apparently improving fast - comp and have a nearby very inspiring private. Haven't a clue what we'll do! Luckily Dd only 6 so time to think....)

Thank you all. I agree with what you say, I just need to hear it from the Mumsnet jury.

My older child is at school 1 and there is no exodus to boarding schools. Nor is there a sibling policy, sigh. I am freaking DC1 out by my enthusiastic attendance at all school events outside working hours in an effort to spot the head!

Difficult.
What stage of the admissions procedure are you at for school 1? You are on a wait list, but there is no order and no sibling advantage? .
Did ds do the entrance exam and was not offered a place but instead of a rejection was put on the wait list? If that is the case i wouldn't be too confident of a place. Can't you have a very frank conversation with the admissions team there re likelihood of a place / turning down a place at another school etc..

What's your plan D? What's your state option?