Detentions. Is this fair?

[IneedAqueenMortificadoNickname]

Ds1 is in year 8 and recently had a week off sick.

When he went back he was given a half hour detention for a piece of homework he hadn't done (not sure how he's meant to do homework he wasn't there for)
But instead of asking a teacher/speaking to me he didn't do anything and THEN forgot to go the the dentition.
Now I agree that this isn't good, but disagree that he should have had it in the first place

Anyway. He now has a 1 hour detention on Friday to make up for the missed one and this is where we have a problem.

We are going to Harry Potter studio tours on Friday. We have to leave straight after school to get there on time, and if we don't then we all miss out. He doesn't know abut it.

Can the school insist that he stays? Or can I legally refuse to allow it?
Especially as he shouldn't have ever had a detention in the 1st place imo.

Tell school you have previous appointment that you can't change. I don't think it's fair to get the first detention

Email the class teacher to explain that he was away when the homework was set and so wasn't given it. Ask for a copy and say that he will do it by the next lesson and for the detention to be cancelled.

If the teacher is reasonable, they'll cancel the original detention and the follow-up. If they don't, then ask for the detention to be rearranged because DS can't make due to a prior engagement.

I would contact the school to ask if the first detention was a mistake since your DS was off sick. Teacher do make mistakes and are often reasonable people. If it was a mistake I would try to say that he doesn't need to attend the second detention, especially since you have the HP trip.

My DH is a secondary school teacher and recently gave a student an equipement mark (for losing her book), her mum emailed very politely to say they'd turned the house upside down looking for it, and it turned out DH actually had the book all along . Then the mum emailed saying if it wasn't too much trouble could he please remove the equipment mark from her record, which clearly he was absolutely going to do!

So just saying that teachers are human, make mistakes, but often are reasonable people who admit their mistakes!

However, it's possible that your DS misunderstood and that the first detention was justified. It's pretty bad to miss a detention, and so you might need to grovel to the school to get him out of the second detention. DH generally feels that if a student tries to get out of a detention because they've got something else on - well, the point of the detention is that it's a punishment and is MEANT to be inconvenient.

Thanks everyone. Previous experience of the school regarding similar issues are they they aren't very approachable but I will try.

Wigeon I know they are meant to be an inconvenience. But when that inconvenience leads to £200 in lost tickets for a special event it's a punishment for the whole family.

If kids are off sick from my don's school it is still their responsibility to catch up on the homeworks set - either by getting work from another student but usually they are posted on the student's own intranet page. Also it is the student's responsibility to request extensions when they return to school.

Alternatively, just email the teacher stating a prior engagement and ask them to re-schedule.

Same as above, this wouldn't wash at my son's school.

If they're off sick they are expected to find out what they've missed, catch up on any homework that was set and request an extension (which is usually granted if they've been off ill).

Just not handing in the homework would result in detention.

I would contact the school, say you have a prior commitment on Friday afternoon and ask if he can do a couple of lunchtime detentions instead.

We've never been told that's that case allthebest and if it were I assume he would have had a detention for every subject?
As the homework he didn't do was due in on his first day back he wouldn't have had a chance to see anyone and ask what it was to catch up. We dont have a school intranet page, unless ive never been told about it in the 14 months hes been there. The teacher didn't offer the alternative of "if you do it by x day you won't have the detention" and it wouldn't have occurred to him to ask. He's never had a detention for that reason before.

Ds1 is, shall we say complicated. He doesn't have diagnosed sen but most teachers agree he is "borderline". Not enough to get extra help, although some teachers have made allowances for this. Other teachers at his school just seem to be ott (imo)
For example he was kept behind for 15 mins today for not having his trainers. Our fine. Only Wednesday is football day so he had football boots. Hardly his fault the field was frozen so they played indoor pe

If the teacher says he should have asked for an extension, then you could point out your DS has communication difficulties.

Detentions are meant to be inconvenient, but it would be a pretty hardline school to suggest you lose £200 so that he attends.

I'll going to email the teacher and ask what the reason for the original detention was. I will also explain that I don't condone him missing it!
And then inform them that he is unable to attend on Friday but I will ensure he attends on a day next week.

Why is parenting so hard?

Would your whole family have to miss the HP trip, not just DS? My DH's school would allow him to do the detention on another day (assuming the detention wasn't a mistake).

Yes we would wigeon as we won't be home until past midnight so I can't leave him at home on his own.
And even if I could go without him I can't afford to waste the price of his ticket. It would be a punishment for me as much as him.

In my school we give after school detentions if pupils have been off and have missed a specific piece of work ( it is not called a detention but has a school specific name). It may be this is more the case.
Email, apologise for him missing the first one - explain his communication skills are sometimes lacking and ask teacher to email you in future - then ask to rearrange as you have a prior arrangement and DS cannot attend. Most teachers will be fine with that.

They aren't actually called detentions at our school, they are appointments but that's the case if it's a 'punishment' for work deliberately not done, or a catch up session.
They also only have after school ones as they don't have a lunch hour.

School may not have a full hour for lunch - teachers struggle to fit detentions for catch up at lunch time.
We have 40 minutes. Toilet, drink, grab my sandwich, check pigeon hole - back at desk with only half an hour left. Kids have to queue for their lunch etc. So not always a good idea

I'd explain the situation and ask for it to be rescheduled. He can decide whether he wants to cancel it or reschedule

Indeed - sadly diagnosis of complex SN is no guarantee of accommodations or understanding. It is so disheartening.

It is very disheartening Fuckity well I've emailed so fingers crossed!

I think kids need to be allowed one day after they get back to school to find out the hwk and ask for an extension. I don't think they should be expected to find out hwk set/ask for an extension on a day they are actually off sick. I know when my dd was off sick for two days she was properly ill in bed with a fever.

From the schools POV, if you phoned and explained this, I would be happy for him to do it another night, if there had been a reasonable window for him to have got the homework an done it. Otherwise I'd just remove the detention.