HELP! Worried about DS14 in Year 10

[AndieNZ]

I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in chat for traffic but I will do both. Sorry it's a bit long..

To give a bit of a background... DS14 has always been very switched on, ahead of his game right from day one, through nursery and primary, very bright and extremely good at Maths and LOVES science. He puts the rest of the family to shame in his knowledge of computer science and also is fantastic at science. He absolutely hates English and written work. He has always struggled with writing and presentation. He spent the first six years of his school life in NZ where the education system is much different. They spend the first several years of school life focusing on learning through play.

He does everything 100 miles an hour and is generally extremely slap dash. He is impatient and just wants homework done as quickly as possible.

DH and I have had so many chats with him about the importance of taking his time etc etc. A couple of years ago, we paid for an English tutor to help him with his presentation skills. The sessions stopped as she moved away, but we didn't really see much of an improvement.

He started year 10 this month. He still struggles with remembering to use capital letters, full stops and the grammar is terrible! He will do the bare minimum as much as possible. If the teacher sets homework and asks for a paragraph written on a specific topic, he will write three lines and make his writing as large as possible to pad it out! Yesterday he ripped out a piece of lined A4 paper and wrote out his science homework. When I say rip, I mean literally ripped so that the edges were all a mess! It took him all of fifteen minutes and he stuffed it in his bag all screwed up and all dog eared! How can he even think that doing that at this late stage of high school??? Last year we have contacted the school and expressed our concerns. The teachers have told us that he is doing well but yes needs to improve his presentation. His school reports have generally been very positive.

DH is a bit more laid back about it than me. Thinks that he is clever and in the big picture what he lacks in presentation, he will make up in other areas. I on the other hand have been extremely concerned.

A friend of work has mentioned dyslexia testing. I know nothing about dyslexia and was shocked when she mentioned he could be showing a mild form of it. (She has children who have been diagnosed) when I mentioned it to DH he laughed and said that he is just lazy! He has no trouble in reading and it's just never entered my head it could be the answer. I've spent hours googling and looking into it and the first step is to get him assessed. This will cost an arm and a leg. (Which I will pay if it's warranted)

My thoughts are
Do I contact the school (again) and express concerns (again)
Get another English tutor on board
Go down the route of getting him assessed for Dyslexia?
Do all three??
Calm down and back off and just let him do it for himself

Has anyone got any advice on what I have mentioned or in the same boat?
Thanks Andie

My DD has an unusual presentation of Dyslexia. Dyslexia is far broader and more complicated than I realised before she was tested. If you push hard, you should be able to get the school to test your DS. Best of luck

Your son sounds a bit like my brother, who was diagnosed with dyslexia at 7, and received excellent private remediation. However, he can get lost very easily, is terrible with paperwork, and has a short memory for tasks. He's never been diagnosed with poor executive functioning skills, but definitely has them. We are in America, and I have the disorder formerly known as Aspergers. No one regrets seeking help for a struggling chikd too soon.

That's a really short time Andie. I would try to work out what exactly you want to achieve and treat it as a springboard for your (school, parents and DS together) next steps.

Now you have an email address, I suggest you try to put down in writing the things you are concerned about with short examples of where it's going wrong for your DS both in terms of school type activities and with anything outside that. Perhaps ask him for examples as a start to him understanding you can work together to sort things out. You say he struggles to follow instructions for three things and needs reminding after one. Perhaps use one of these occasions.

Then, mention the things that you have been worrying about as a reason for his difficulties like dyslexia (typical or atypical), or maybe ADD or ASD or whatever else may have gone through your mind.

The good news is that school seem to be enthusiastic to engage with you. The English teacher listened and reflected her experience, promised to talk to the the learning support person and has done so quickly, and you now have a meeting.

The difficult bit is what you want out of the meeting. If you can lay out before it in email to the school people who will be there your concerns and worries with examples that will save time.

I'd wait until the meeting to put forward what you want to happen next so that you don't get a written response regarding that before you have had time to start to form a relationship with the school people and discuss the issues.

What do you want them to do? Do you know what might be possible or do you want to learn that as an outcome of the meeting? Is there a first step, e.g. Dyslexia testing, which you want to set up to start the ball rolling. Is there support pastorally in school for DS because he sounds upset and disheartened? Can he be given permission to use methods other than handwriting to present his work? Would that even help?

Lots of questions but I think this is the time for them. The more questions without preconceived answers the better. Then they can be prioritised and responded to either with support, or testing, or trying new ways of going about things.

It's not a brick wall but possibly a long road. for you whilst you start to get your thoughts in order.

My DD, DS and DH are all dyslexic, and DS is also dyspraxic.
I was a bit about your DS until you mentioned that if you ask him to do 3 things, he can only cope with one. That is so totally my DS. Think - does he have good co-ordination, balance, fine motor skills at speed? My DS was fine if he was concentrating on one thing at a time - can windsurf, do calligraphy, drive, etc, but goes all to pieces if trying to multitask.
Make a list of points you want to bring up, and give the list to the teacher, so she has that, even if you don't get through the list with her.

I should have mentioned that my brother is an excellent auto mechanic, and can repair almost anything. He was a semiprofessional race car driver, and made a few commercials for Nissan. However, he has lots of trouble finishing things.

Just looked up stealth dyslexia and it describes dd1s difficulties. Reading age well be above average(13.6+ when leaving primary) but struggles with writing spelling and grammar. Had a grat discussion with her about the Treaty of Versailles while she was doing her history homework but her written work was barely legible.

I'd never heard of it either Mouse until DS2 was diagnosed. He teachers can see there is so much going on in that head of his but that it just doesn't come out on paper. He is more than happy to share ideas verbally (try stopping him) but if he has to handwrite it takes so long to put down the world has moved on before he's got the first sentence out. We've found he's quite good with a keyboard although he's resisting any suggestion of learning to type properly. Let him use a laptop and out it all pours. Do you think that might work for your DD.

I would have ds in the meeting as he is the one who knows what he feels/how he copes/strategies he uses etc.

I'm sorry but your posts come across as serial complaining. The school is intervening, arranging meetings and offering for your ds to be there, offering to set extra work and you are complaining about all of it.

Did you not realise, in all these years, that your ds wasn't using capital letters and was rushing things?

What would you like them to do?

I don't see complaining just discussion, and concern, and teamwork with school.

How did the meeting go Andie?

Hi Andie,

My ds is a lot younger but I can relate as I had a late diagnosis of dyspraxia. When I say late I mean very late, it was after I started work as a press officer for a learning differences charity and my boss suggested I get an assessment because I kept getting lost on the way to meetings (!) I'd always struggled with organisation, presentation and anything requiring co-ordination but worked my arse off plus it was the 80's so no-one noticed!!

I do hope you get an Ed Psych to see your ds - it sounds very much like he has difficulties which he's covering up with a 'can't be bothered' persona. I couldn't catch a ball to save my life so convinced the world and myself that I thought team sports were for morons. It was only in adulthood I came to terms with the fact that it was just the humiliation of being last picked that had made me adopt that attitude.

I have to say that it would do no harm to have him tested for dyslexia. Having dyslexia does not necessarily present itself with reading problems, My DD1 has dyslexic traits which affects things like spelling, how she processes information and presents information but her reading was fine. She uses a laptop in classes now which has helped and as is rather stereotypical is very creative but I have a feeling this was partly down to the fact a lot of unhelpful teaches wrote her off in earlier years in subjects that were word heavy. Ironically English is one of her best subjects now.