How do you decide if grammar schools are right for your child?

[KathyBeale]

My son has just started y5. We live in an area where he could potentially take three different tests for grammar schools. He's at a good primary school and is doing well academically. He's also really good at a sport and trains several times a week.

We need to decide whether he is going to take the grammar tests fairly soonish and I just don't know how to make that choice. I think I'm projecting slightly (a lot) because I went to a grammar school and despite being in my 40s now, I think I've got a lot of issues STILL because of school. He's a bit of a worrier like I was, which makes me think it might not be the right choice for him. Also, I worry about him being judged solely on his academic ability on one day, when there's so much more to him.

In my day, you just rocked up on the day and took the test - no tuition or whatever. But if he's going to do these tests we're going to have to prepare and maybe get tuition or certainly do lots of extra work with him so we can't put off the decision until the last minute. I sort of feel like he may as well do the tests, but then it's a lot of work and pressure on him...

Can any of you who have decided one way or another lend me the benefit of your wisdom and experience?

He says he doesn't want to try in case he fails.

We have had similar here OP, DD mostly wants to go to GS but of course is worried about 'failing' the 11+ (I hated it btw, the measuring of the lengths of our skirts, constant drive, etc., etc.).

My stance has been this:

The 11+ and or GS is/are not compulsory, no one is going to make you take the exam - entirely your choice DD and even if you choose not to take it on the day that is absolutely fine.

If you achieve the mark required, look at all the schools on offer again and decide not to go to GS that is absolutely fine.

If you don't achieve the required mark to go to GS then that is absolutely fine, it means that the school isn't the right one for you and you will be able to thrive and grow in a different school.

Basically whatever happens is absolutely fine .

Buffalo, when I went we did 11+ prep at school. These days schools are not allowed to do anything, children do not see VR/NVR in our schools (or not in ours at least).

Our GS publishes a guide, a few sheets of question examples and a couple of past papers for 'familiarisation'.

I wouldn't do anything without preparing for it in some way and I don't think it is fair to send a child into something without doing the same.

Which is why the system is skewed. The independent schools around here start VR/NVR in Yr 3, there are far more independent primaries than secondaries here because they all prepare children to pass the 11+ for a free secondary education.

We are not pushy at all, I think hope DD will choose somewhere other than the GS for many reasons but if my child wants to do the 11+ then I will help her on the things not taught in our schools. Why wouldn't you? Or are you saying that on principle you would refuse to help your DC in this regard.

We have probably spent £60 on books and mocks, not available to all. But accessing the internet and free material made available by the GS isn't available to all either.

Think you had better get your skates on pronto if you wish him to sit the 11 plus test. Both mine are at grammar school, we decided first they were going, and looked at local comp, as a back up. Local comp s great but ds was keen to go to grammar school, given the prep he did, the prep is a lot to do, especially if they are not readers like my children. We used vocab books and a variety of stuff on the Internet.

I think it is vital to know what the tests are like. If they contain VR and NVR they are not based on the national curriculum or what children are taught in schools. Sometimes children who work well at school and make good progress are not always the ones who go to the grammar schools, even with tutoring.

I think it is widely recognised by nearly everyone, except Theresa May, that grammar schools do not aid social mobility. Poorer children or families lacking in ambition often do not get coached by anyone and frequently it is lack of ability to comple the questions in the time given that lets them down. In other words, lack of practice and exam technique.

Prep schools that pride themselves on their 11 plus results, prepare children well. State schools do nothing. Lots of parents try and tutor but those children who do not get effective help are less likely to get a place. Tuition for all with talent would be best.

In my LA, you withdraw from the 11 plus, not elect to do it. I even know parents who only chose secondary modern schools (no grammars) for y7 but still didn't pull their children from the exams. They wanted their children to be like everyone else and were curious to know what their score would be. They were very disappointed with the score so I have no idea who benefitted from the children taking an exam to gain access to a type of school their parents did not put down on the preference form! Therefore only do the exam if your child is willing to do some preparation, is keen to go to a grammar school and is not going to be upset at a negative result for the rest of their days!

Aww. Much hugs. Can he not " reframe" his thinking - not " pass or fail " but " to find out if the style of learning suits you " . You can be bright and not find the quick fire no repetition type grammar school environment isn't for you.

Having said that, have you looked at your " comprehensive" choices. We are a super selective grammar area and some seem to do well for the brighter kids still, and some are very much btec focussed.

I don't live in your area but agree with going to see the schools. I would also if possible try to get some feedback whether that be from parents of boys at the schools or from the teacher. We were told in fairly blunt terms what the likelihood of passing was from Year 4 onwards I think and with a more detailed analysis of which schools would suit the child at parents evening just before Christmas in Year 5.

For the grammar schools here there is a "type" - very bright, confident, self motivated, able to hold their own. My DS is some of those things but not all. It wasnt an automatic fit but decided to try to give him options.

DS was always borderline - on a good day we knew he'd pass, on a bad day he wouldn't. He was also worried about failing. We did use a tutor and although she was expensive (almost £40 an hour) she had him pegged straightaway - she did have some influence familiarising him with test technique but her massive achievement was getting him to believe in himself and that he had the ability to pass. Not from me (who would say that anyway!).

He passed and started last week. It will be a steep learning curve but he's enjoying it so far.

"He says he doesn't want to try in case he fails."

Similarly, many bright comprehensive kids do not usually apply to top ranked uni because they assume these institutions are for the snobbish rich kids. One of the advantages of grammar/private schools is the competitive environment encourages students to aim high, not low.