Starting Y11 support thread

[AtiaoftheJulii]

(Yeah, I'm procrastinating ....)

For all those with one or two (or more?) offspring going into year 11: controlled assessments, coursework, practicals, performances, GCSE revision (or not ...), being guinea pigs for the Maths and English 1to9 exams, choosing what to do next - schools/sixth form colleges/college/apprenticeships/BTECs/A levels and more - and generally being 15!

It's a tough year academically - in some ways harder than sixth form I think because there are just so many subjects and exams - and a tough year emotionally - not always mature enough to organise themselves, too old to have organisation imposed upon them!

Ds still has an MFL CA, a couple of science practical CAs, and two assessed drama performances, plus coursework to do for History I think. I can't see there's going to be much let up and he's definitely feeling the pressure I think he'll probably end up staying at his school for 6th form (he's very mathsy and his school is a good fit) but we may well look at a couple of sixth form colleges as he's already talking about whether he can go somewhere that won't feel quite so pushy.

Sorry pasanda but that just made me laugh, its all just too close to home!
Dh had to play monopoly with both dcs, having restricted gadgets. Ds apparently pointed out to him that he had what he wanted, wine & a film he was interested in, & it wasn't fair! I was fast asleep as I've had a hideously busy fortnight. Ds did approx 30 mins 'revision' looking through some RE in his pants on his bed before I took him to meet his friends. What is it about the state of undress?
I'm collecting him shortly & really hope he'll make a start on maths. Can anybody direct me towards a thread I caught sight of yesterday re maths mocks? I'd love to show it to Ds as I think he needs a wake up call as to how tough it's going to be.
laniakea my dd will be just like yours I imagine. Unless I had her I think I'd feel even more exasperated & possibly like I was failing to support Ds through this time well enough. Having the two so different helps me to understand that there really is only so much we can do. As others have said, support, offers of, reminders of time passing, thinking about how they'll feel come results day etc is what we can do however ther is sadly no magic formula should they refuse it. Ds headmaster said to him that he has spent approx 2000 days in education & that results slip is what he'll have to show for it. How happy he is with that is totally down to how much effort he puts into these next months. He also pointed out to him how fast the last 5 months have gone by & to not let time slip away leaving himself in a panic. Pleasingly he also explained to him the difference between adults having the ability to delay reward whereas teenagers find this difficult. He said it's up to HIM to be mature & regulate his reward time. I could see it all sinking in coming from somebody that doesn't share his DNA.

OK, so we got sent a letter from the school today asking us to write (by hand) a letter to our Yr11 DCs to encourage them... Which is actually OK, except the tone of the letter suggested heavily that our DCs would have done badly in mocks and been disappointed, and that we were there to cheer squad them on whilst at the same point encouraging them to do more and work harder. Sort of 'you failed, but I believe in you!'.

I really don't like the assumption that everyone did badly in their mocks, and not just because my DD didn't. Lots of her friends did well too. Argh.

teen that's a possible idea.

In the meantime I am worried about dd. She is quite a closed book and difficult to read sometimes. When she's worried/upset about something she tends to bottle it up and doesn't open up.

In the last few days she's done precious little work. She isn't open to any discussion so I don't know if she's worried about the exams or not. Although she did say I'M making it worse!

Just popping on this thread to wish you all a Merry Christmas and let's hope 2017 brings us and our dcs great results in their exams and they get to continue their education as they wish. Have a lovely one everybody!

Thank you fleur & mine back to you all.
Also to update you on the wifi restrictions, after approx 36 hour Ds worked out the password, blocked all Dhs gadgets then changed the password sorry but I did have to wish he put so much effort into the revision!
Marry Christmas all

Christmas wishes to everyone on this thread from me too.

sunshine I would be unplugging the router if my DDs did that. (not that they know how to). But I am a bitch.

ready sorry but that made me laugh! You must secretly admire the effort!

ready Got to admire his sheer initiative.

Yes I did fleur & littlehohum I also thinks it perfectly illustrates the character I (& some of you ) are dealing with. They are all so different & we all just have to find the best way of supporting & guiding them through it but remember that it's ultimately up to them. I have seen friends really spoil their relationships with their reluctant kids by trying to enforce rules. Also some with diligent kids have kept pushing & piling on the pressure, surely it's about balance? I'm sure that had I had dd first I would be feeling very smug about my awesome parenting skills as she accepted all my support & advice & I skilfully navigated her through this time, luckily I have Ds to keep my feet firmly on the ground
dancer I think you should be very pleased that your dd is hardworking & has recently had good reports. She sounds sensible & like she will be taking the schools advice

Just popping in too! Belated Christmas wishes to everyone, more like Happy New Year now.

DS has done NO revision so far. He has spent the last two days in his room in his bed either on his phone or asleep. He stayed up till 5am Tuesday night texting with his girlfriend

I get strict tomorrow.....

Happy (nearly) new year to you all. I have a meeting at DS school on 11 Jan to discuss 6th form options. I have a bad feeling they are going to say he cant do maths or further maths because of his poor mock grades, they think he got a level 6 and needs a 7. DS admitted he didn't study as hard as he could have and has promised he would do in future. My problem is I have heard it all before and sort of resigned myself that despite having A* ability he will only work hard enough to achieve B's. Which is fine if he had not chosen to study Economics, Maths, Further Maths and Physics A'Level - all of which require GCSE A's and/or Level 7's. I don't know if I can stand in front of his teachers AGAIN and say that I will make sure he studies harder, he will try harder, he will do more revision, he will focus more etc etc etc. I am fed up with it. He insists he doesn't want to study any other subjects and his teachers will give him a chance to prove he can get the grades. Yes he can. But he wont because he wont make the extra effort. He has been revising 1 hour of maths per day over the holidays, but only when I remind him and he does not do one second past the hour. I am dreading school returning because it is me who is stressed, anxious, shouty, frustrated, tearful and exhausted and he just plays his playstation, oblivious to it all. Time for (another) glass of wine!

Virtual to one and all as needed - and (nearly) Happy New Year from Wessex.
DD has done no revision over Christmas. But has been on a school trip to Berlin, and practised her pieces for a drama audition in a couple of weeks. And it's been good to see her re-connect with friends and enjoy some down time.

Christmas greetings to everyone from me too and happy new year

Let's hope 2017 brings good exam results for our dc.

ready dd's school don't see her lazy side at all, I don't understand it. They say she is conscientious and hard-working - they should have seen her these holidays - she hasn't surfaced out of bed until noon Fed up with nagging now, will wait and see how she does in the mocks.

pasanda good luck with your ds Keep us updated.

Well today he's surprised me!!

He got a new bed for Xmas and he and I have spent the last two days dismantling his old bunk bed and putting up the new one, and having a massive clear out of stuff harping back to primary school days (God that was therapeutic! )

Today he has started his revision in earnest. He's asked me to print off past papers, has 'sat' a biology one under exam conditions (NO PHONE - I almost fainted!!) and asked me to mark it. He's asked for help with a revision timetable and I heard him say to dh when they were talking about us getting super fast broadband in March (we are v rural and the internet is dreadful and taking it's time to get here!) that he won't be playing his PS4 in March so it doesn't matter.

He's still in his pants and dressing gown though.....

Oh how I hope this lasts!

Minesawine

Do you believe he will pull it out of the bag? With my ds he is adamant he has everything under control and he believes that when the time comes it will all come together and he'll be OK. I kind of have to believe him because he just won't do anything unless it is on his terms only.

I find it really harsh to not allow your ds to study maths at A level because of a mock result. Surely so many students do much better in the real things than mocks because 'they count' (That's what my ds is always saying anyway.)

Good luck on the 11th and I hope the new term doesn't bring you too much stress.
(I can't even have wine because I am off alcohol for January )

That does sound harsh minesawine do you mean they may have a chat with him re realistic choices or that they won't let him based on mock results?
pasanda he's obviously got close enough to realise it's happening & reached his personal too close for comfort time I do something about it point
As for Ds, mocks start today, maths & English. He seems quite relaxed & I feel quite relaxed too, no more I can do. He told me yesterday that he'd lent his pencil case complete with scientific calculator to a friend 2 weeks before the holidays & it had been lost. I have been asking him for 2 weeks to make sure he has all the equipment he needs, thinking perhaps a protracter may have got broken, & yesterday I said 'last chance', oh yeah, he says, I forgot good luck to all dcs starting mocks & to all parents. pasanda strength to you off the wine

Came on the site to ask if anyone had any tips for threatening encouraging DD to revise for the mocks. She's also very capable but extremely lazy. She's set high aspirations for herself but doesn't seem to make the connection between good grades and achieving what she wants from life.

I've tried every tactic I can think of but all I get back is that I'm being aggressive, don't know what I'm talking about, I know what I'm doing etc.

I told her that the mocks were a really good way of identifying what she needs to focus on for the real thing so she should revise as she would for GCSEs (ok, not as much) and see where she's lacking.

Before Xmas we agreed she would revise a little most days so she didn't have to cram it in before the exams start on Friday. It hasn't happened.

So frustrating to have a DC who is really able but lets laziness take over.

Aaaaghhhh!

DS had a break over Christmas/New Year, having done his mocks up until the end of last term.

Only issue now is ensuring he doesn't lose momentum and gets back on board with revision.

I guess his mocks results will play a part in determining whether he rests on his laurels or gets back in the study saddle sooner rather than later.

Dd's mocks start on Monday for 2 weeks. She's been working away diligently just hope it is effective!

Good luck with the mocks everyone!

I am now in a "distance myself from the drama" mood, DS has all the revision guides he needs, I have offered my help which he declined, I can't do it for him so the ball is in his court, no point stressing anymore.

Of course the mood may change next week but I quite enjoy it now.

Same here Fleurdelise. Been told once too often now that I haven't the first clue what I'm on about so will leave well alone. She now wants to do foundation Spanish listening as it's the short way to still getting her A*. I did manage a very polite "oh well, that's fine then" which I was told was passive aggressive and unhelpful. Roll on next summer!

franckiesmum I share your pain, my dd is very similar. Mocks start on Thursday 5th and she appears to have done precious little revision. I'm fed up of nagging now. I looked at her grades at the end of Year 10 and told her she should be aiming for one grade up for whatever she got in each subject. If she doesn't do well it will be a wake up call.

Although..... I remember working bloody hard for my GCSEs (the real ones) but not so hard for the mocks. Hope it will come right in the end.

Well, another one here who has mock exams starting this Thursday. Not sure how much he has done. I know that most days I haven't seem him before midday. What he does in his room I have no idea. His choice. But he goes to a fee paying school, and knows that I will refuse to pay the fees for A levels if he doesn't perform to what he is capable off.

Well, I am nagging a bit that he should go to bed in time today/yesterday. As going to bed at midnight Wednesday and getting up Thursday 7am, is not likely to be a good idea...

Found some good resources on Student Room - revision cards, quizzes etc. and dared to show her. Didn't get slapped down so hoping it's all starting to sink in!

Good luck to all the kids out there starting mocks this week.