Starting Y11 support thread

[AtiaoftheJulii]

(Yeah, I'm procrastinating ....)

For all those with one or two (or more?) offspring going into year 11: controlled assessments, coursework, practicals, performances, GCSE revision (or not ...), being guinea pigs for the Maths and English 1to9 exams, choosing what to do next - schools/sixth form colleges/college/apprenticeships/BTECs/A levels and more - and generally being 15!

It's a tough year academically - in some ways harder than sixth form I think because there are just so many subjects and exams - and a tough year emotionally - not always mature enough to organise themselves, too old to have organisation imposed upon them!

Ds still has an MFL CA, a couple of science practical CAs, and two assessed drama performances, plus coursework to do for History I think. I can't see there's going to be much let up and he's definitely feeling the pressure I think he'll probably end up staying at his school for 6th form (he's very mathsy and his school is a good fit) but we may well look at a couple of sixth form colleges as he's already talking about whether he can go somewhere that won't feel quite so pushy.

My ds is doing Computer Studies and loves it mainly because the teacher is so good. These things are so teacher dependent.

Sorry to hear about your dd's wobbly start BigSandy.

O well, ds says only languages have CA and he has no idea what ISA are...

And Sandy, my DD got a lot better through Y11 and 12 with good support from her old school (and initially very poor at sixth form, but it did make her woman-up a bit!) She is so much better now - probably a lot to do with maturity as well.
So hoping things improve long-term for you. And your DS Atia. And anyone else in the same boat - I think there are loads of us.

Sandy I went through very similar with my dd when she was in Y11 (now going into second year at university). Her absence rate was 25% due to anxiety and panic attacks. Her anxiety was clearly linked to an illness that she had had so we could understand what was going on and school helped put measures in place to reduce the anxiety. Also, dd was very like your daughter - lots of friends, bubbly persona - no-one would have known what was going on other than her closest friends. Do you have any clues as to what is causing her anxiety?

Sane here with my dd with the anxiety. Hers is social anxiety. She also has a referral were waiting on to see a eating issues councillor. She also had a problem before packing up last term where she was bullied and she is feeling very intimidated with these students in these lessons.
Turned up late to her lesson yesterday as she felt sick. cahms are useless but then do you take the gamble of going private and discharging from cahms and it not working out. And the eating person is via cahms!!

Hope things get better for your dd, Sandy and others struggling with similar. I think y11 has more effect than we can imagine. My dd is not an anxious girl but since the beginning of term she has been struggling with insomnia and getting more and more stressed to the point of coming into our room in the middle of the might crying like when she was little I really do think they are under heavy stress.

Any tips for teenage insomnia? We're making sure she doesn't look at screens after 9pm.

That sounds so hard, t875. Your poor dd
I think cahms are suffering from budget cuts as with so much else sadly. I don't know what to suggest but if private is an option I'd consider it.
I hope things get better for her

Thanks Madhairday she is seeing a councillor in her next session who is from the eating referral place so hopefully that will help but I think it's the loss of my mum suddenly 4 years ago still affects her. Maybe not initially loss of my mum but who knows. Cahms said she isn't affected but I'm not sure tbh. Dd won't talk about her and says she likes to think nanny never existed.

Thanks again x

So sorry to hear your DCs have anxiety problems, it must be so sad and heart breaking to see them like that.

DS has no anxiety problems but I have a little one currently in year 5 who shows signs of anxiety and I am dreading the day when she'll go to secondary school. If she goes to the same school her brother is she'll probably feel lost as it is a huge school. It is one of my problems at the moment, sending her to the partially selective school her brother is, a school that has great results, but take the risk of potentially having anxiety issues or choosing a smaller secondary that is not as good results wise but a smaller school.

Massive argument with DS this morning as he decided to ride his bike to school in the pouring rain even though I offered him a ride. He'll be soaked for the whole school day.

I've noticed that my daughter's friends are far more prone to anxiety and depression than my son's friends. ds is positively laid back about year 11 so I'm not expecting any stress.

Madhairday One of my daughter's suffered from insomnia very badly and I got sone brilliant advice on a previous thread which should help.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/2572954-Insomnia-upset-How-to-help

t875 sorry you lost your mum, and it could definitely be a factor in destabilising your dd - not sure how camhs can say it doesn't affect her! Can understand the not wanting to talk about her: my dh was - I dunno, devastated sounds entirely OTT, but I can't think of any other way to put it that doesn't sound like a total understatement - when his grandfather died, and this was a 41 year old man losing a 100 year old GP, it wasn't exactly unexpected! DH and I barely talked about him for at least a year because one of us would start crying if we did. It's been 5 years now and we all still miss him.

Fleur I drove mine to school today which means picking ds up as well as he won't have his bike. There are huge schools and huge schools I think - my dd's school is about 1400 pupils, but it's split in half for timetabling, they manage to keep most class sizes under 30, they have small tutor groups and build good relationships there, the different year groups have specified areas where they can go at lunch (they can go in any of the shared areas, just have smaller areas where only that year can go for a bit less noise or bustle), etc, so it doesn't feel overwhelming. And a larger school can often have better facilities, counsellors coming in and so on as there's more demand. I find they've seen everything before so there's already structures in place to deal with stuff.

Fleur I would definitely think about the smaller school. I actually wish dd had gone to the smaller school which still does very well without the added pressure her school now gives!

Atia - thanks I agree I think her having her friend go through a tough time brought a lot of that feeling of loss back as her friend was quite bad. Dd openly gets angry if I even bring it up in front of the councillor so why this lady doesn't see it's not normal. I'm going to re address this especially with my mums birthday coming up. Sorry to hear about your loss too.

Getting dd to read the anxiety and phobias book which is pretty good and also going to get her try Bach flower remedy.

I don't know anything about insomnia but hope you can get her the help ASAP. xx

Atia I agree, I think I am not able to make my mind up due to DS school (1700 pupils on the roll) appearing to be able to manage it quite well. Split into 4 houses so they feel like 4 individual schools, smallish (30) class sizes and once they start GCSEs work in year 10 they are split again, in Maths for example they went from 5 sets into 10 sets to have a more individual approach. Facilities are good but the smaller not as good from a results point of view school is a turned academy comprehensive, had a lot of cash chucked at it, facilities are amazing, it is improving by the day and I would expect that they pay more attention to anxiety and mental health due to their effort to improve their results. As t875 says I am a bit weary of pushing her to go to DSs school and live to regret it.

Visiting the schools next months so I'll see what DD thinks of them. I'll try to stay impartial and only try to influence her after I hear her true opinion.

Are you looking into grammar for her fleur?
I personally think if my eldest had gone to still a grammar school but more realistically laid back one and still
Doing what they need to do via GCSEs etc but not so much pressure. Good luck with the process. X

t875 DS is going to a grammar type school, no grammar in the name but had to do 11+ to get in. Providing he stays there for sixth form she can get in via the sibling rule. So we are preparing her for the 11+ at home (4 local schools require the 11+ to get in) but there is also the catchment secondary who has as I said lower results. It is hard to decide, we'll visit all of them in the next couple of months and I'll try to see what she likes most before I offer my opinion. She is convinced she's going to DS's school but I asked her to not set her heart on it. She is a summer born also, just turned 9 last month but in year 5 so I feel she needs to mature quickly this year. thank you for your good thoughts.

I'm always amazed to hear on MN how many other kids suffer from anxiety and stress. I think in real life people keep it to themselves, which is a shame, as our DCs get the impression that everyone is coping just fine and it's only them that struggle.

Had a good chat last night to DD - she can't pinpoint anything in particular, just feels pressure to do well. She has suffered from a sick phobia for years which I've posted on here about several times. That only ever crops up during school term though, never in the hols. She was a different child in the summer holidays - happy and relaxed, now she's got a mouth full of ulcers again and going through this. It's shit.

School aren't particularly understanding - her form tutor really doesn't get it at all - I know that she thinks I molly coddle DD and it's simply a case of getting on with it, I should be firmer etc. But I decided last term that DDs mental health was more important than education at this point in time - something school don't agree with!

DD hasn't seen CAHMS - our GP said there was a massive waiting list and as DD wasn't suicidal then she was at the bottom of the list. The GP just advised her to read certain websites on anxiety etc.

Anyway, good luck to everyone - counting the days until GCSEs are over and hoping we can get our kids into school every day!! Or at least as much as possible. I feel an apprenticeship would suit DD afer this, rather than college or 6th form, get away from full time education.

Fleur, I'm not sure whether the size of the school matters as much as the Pastoral support they have in place. Agree with Atia, big schools (like my DC's) can have fantastic pastoral systems.
Conversely, my DD (also summer-born!) found even the slightest pressure re achievement (top set in a comp) overwhelming. She puts so much pressure on herself (whilst not working hard enough!) that any more from the school tips her over the edge. So that may also be something to consider as you look round too.

And at argument over DS riding his bike in the rain. My DH and DS cycle every day come rain or shine - has he got a rain jacket?

I agree with the see this year through quick!! Just can't believe so many tests and assessments mocks are may or are they after Christmas!? We haven't had anything to tell us yet.
Fleur good luck with making the decision. Keep us posted.

I'd like to join the thread. Sorry to those struggling with anxious children. My ds is of the more laid back variety. He got a C in the RS GCSE he took in year 10 and was hoping for better. The result was entirely right for the amount of effort put in, so hopefully given him the kick up the bum to work harder this year. Have suggested he goes over what he's done each day at school to check understanding. So far not enforced any restrictions on phone use! Undecided about where to go for sixth form. Can stay at school, or apply to sixth form college, but colleges are about an hours bus ride away. Going to go to open evenings to see what he thinks.

Does anyone have any knowledge of creative writing AS level? I know that this is the last (?) year it is being offered.

dd has been asked if she wants to sit it along side her GCSEs this year. She is very, very good at English and writes thousands of words a week. She has an English/creative writing G&T group at school for a couple of hours a week which would be where she'd be doing it. She does not want to do English at A level or degree so this would be her last chance to take it further - as something she loves doing rather than to collect exam results. Ideally she'd have done Eng lit AS in 6th form but she needs three sciences/maths & geography would be really good for the degree she wants, so it has been squeezed out as an option.

She's incredibly keen. I'm worried about the effect it would/could have on her GCSEs (her answer is that it wouldn't need any extra time she'd just use her writing time for it). What would be the effect if she didn't get a good grade? She's intending to apply for university after her A level results - so would (hopefully) have three good A levels & an AS alongside it on her UCAS form.

She's been working really hard all week, homework & revision. She needs to give them an answer on Monday.

I suppose she can always drop it if it gets too much She's doing 9 GCSEs & a level 1 BTEC.

I'll get her to look at the past papers (it's 60% CA) & she what she thinks.

her answer is that it wouldn't need any extra time she'd just use her writing time for it - I think this is true! She's also got all that time that she's not going to rehearsals this year

I don't think it would look bad if she got a low grade - it would be clear that she'd done it in y11. But yeah, investigate over the weekend

Sandy, I hope your DD will be alright, I know how horrible it is to watch your child struggle
Dd has finished her first full week, luckily Friday's are her 'best day', so not much homework set. That means she can get all the work from the week done and dusted and hopefully revise some topics from last year, as well as some grade 5 music theory and oboe practise. Well, that's what she tells me, but I suspect she's forgotten to factor in the time she will inevitably spend in bed watching YouTube

I know a little bit about and a lot of the mark is for self-evaluation and commentary on your own writing, not just the quality of the writing itself. There's also the need to be happy letting others listen to and criticise your work. If you think she would be happy to do that, that's one thing. If she would hate the peer criticism, and having to analyse her own writing choices, I'd avoid it!

The creative writing thing sounds a good opportunity to me if she is so keen as doing something she loves may energise her for other stuff? (may be biased as creative writing is my thing) - can understand why you need to be wary though and find out all you can.

Thanks for the advice re insomnia - really helpful. Something like mindfulness as suggested on the thread posted sounds like a good idea to explore. We do try and keep to the same bed time ish and ban screens after 9pm, it's hard as her friends are always snap chatting/kiking/whatever it is they do for hours at night but she does get that this doesn't help.

Sandy, hope your dd is OK. Sounds so hard.

DD turned sixteen yesterday! Now that is scary.