ds (16) wants to drop out of school

[ErnesttheBavarian]

He has 2 years left, about to start the German equivalent of A Levels. Says he finds studying hard, though he is very bright but he cannot concentrate and he is bored by school.

He wants to be off, out there, travelling, running his own business. sigh. I think his fantasies and reality are so far apart. He seems to think he can do ad hoc translating work which will find his lifestyle.

He is incredibly stubborn and determined and really digs his heals in. he has always been like this. if you tell him to do something he will totally rebel. Definitely need to convince him subtly of what to do before he'll do it.

So, Tuesday, all set for the big talk. In a way, I think it might be the wake up call he needs, and a way for him to see for himself. on the other hand, what the hell will he do, where will he go, etc I feel ill at the thought of it. He has started drinking a lot. after big incident a couple of weeks ago he said he would stop drinking, but says he has been drinking because he is so bored and fed up with school.

Both dh and I would love all the dc to go to university, not just for the higher education, but also the amazing life experience. I could accept though if they said they didn't want to go to uni, but not doing A levels seems utterly disastrous. He has no plan other than doing translating work, seeing up his own business and travelling.

what do we say on Tuesday? Apart from telling him he's deluded and we won't be buying him ice creams and paying his mobile phone bill, he chooses to be an adult, then the world of paying your way beckons.

He was dx with ADD, when he was much younger, say aged 7ish; his 2 brothers with ADHD. His brothers take /took medication, but he never did. Always seemed to manage fine without. I mean, he achieved amazing things. But back then he was ambitious. Now he's just fed up and wants adventure.

There is a difference between being bored with school because it doesn't suits his personality and therefore looking at other ways to 'educate' himself to prepare for the future and being bored because of not accepting making efforts and just wanting to have fun (travelling).

It is only natural to be worried and it is hard to accept that our children are becoming people of their own making their own decisions, but the reality is that indeed, there comes a time when we can't just tell them what to do and that is the end. However, there are still young, naive and vulnerable and therefore need our support and guidance. Maybe he is headstrong because you/partner are too and he feels it is the only way to fight against doing what you want him to do.

Maybe it is time to accept your son how he is and work with him to consider his future. If it was my child, I would say to them that I would support them coming out of school and looking at other options, but having fun as an alternative is in no way one of them. I would remind him that travelling is a reward, not a due. Therefore, I would tell him that I would only be prepared to support him if he came up with realistic plans about setting out for his future, ie. the message is 'I am worried about you not continuing with mainstream education, but I love you and respect you wanting to take control of your life, so will support you, however, trading school for a life of leisure is in no way an option at this stage of your life'.

Tell him to get some work experience over the summer to see if this translation idea will fly. For a start does he mean translation (written) or interpretation (oral), and what does he think this entails? Who does he think will use the services of a 16 y.o.?
I knew someone (years ago; it may have changed but I doubt it) who did translation. It involved translating hundreds of pages of technical manuals - not the sort of thing that would appeal to someone with ADD and not the sort of thing that you would trust to a youngster (and that's even assuming that he could get PII insurance).
If you employ someone as a translator/interpreter then you need someone you can rely on to ensure that the correct message gets through to the other side. That involves building up trust and relationships (like any other business) and is incompatible with flitting about travelling. He is either (a) doing solid and dependable work which involves him being solid and dependable or (b) he is doing lightweight stuff which they can probably get GoogleTranslate to do for free.
Basically, I think the translation idea is dead in the water.

He would be more suited to be a multilingual host eg do the ski season or PGL or something like that. But, again, you have responsibilities and who would trust a 16 y.o.?

I agree with OurBlanche: get him to explain how this will work because it doesn't sound feasible to me. Is there someone he respects who can come to Tuesday's meeting? - if you pose the "what-if" questions then he will think you are being obstructive/negative but if someone else does it then he might listen.

re the translation work, I totally agree and have said as much to him. I have 2 good friends who are translators, and the amount of attention to detail and care and time they have to spend is incredible. But I'm just an old lady, and mum, so what do I know? I agree also, who in their right mind would ask or trust a 16 year old to do it? Just being bilingual doesn't make you a skilled translator.

Unfortunately I don't know anyone I could ask, although I strongly agree, a more independent person would be a useful voice.

We have tried explaining costs, how travel is $$$, how, regardless of what you do in life, success = hard work.

Cloud cuckoo land , what do parents know..... going round in circles. Let's see how we get on tomorrow. Thanks for the suggestions.

I have a few friends who have faced this OP.

The first convinced her DS to take A levels and go to university. But he dropped out after year 1. Started again elsewhere but dropped out again.

University simply wasn't for him. At least not at 18 or 19.

He's working now. Not on a particularly well paid job. But he seems happy enough.

The second friend's son left school to start a business ( which he was convinced would make him a fortune). It has done well but not nearly well enough to leave home, like his degree educated brothers.

These days you need a university degree to do any sort of office/desk job. Leaving school at 16 will shut the door to office work. It is hard to make money in translating and it is dull and tedious work. And requires a degree and professional qualifications most of the time.

What about schemes like working in a summer camp somewhere abroad, say the USA? Usually you have to pay for flights but then it's free board and lodging for a couple months, and you earn enough for a bit of travel before going home. Or being a chalet maid in a ski resort? Lots of young people around though probably have to be 18.
There are distance learning A-level courses you can do from home, which I know some teenagers in Europe are doing - might be worth considering?

Make clear that you are happy for him to live at home rent-free while he works towards his goals, but access to perks like snacks, pocket money and WiFi depends on meeting the standards any landlord would want of their lodger - no being drunk and generally helping keep the place clean and tidy.