Am I right to make a fuss

[DorothyL]

when dd, yr 10, for the Spanish exchange has been paired with a boy, though we ticked on the form that we didn't want this? There are more boys than girls on the Spanish side, but we said on the form that she is quite shy. Additionally there is no room for her to sleep at the boy's house so she'll have to sleep at a girl's house with a girl from her school - but not one from her year. At least that could have been better planned?

Yes I would contact the school to discuss this. What is your dd saying about it?

She is upset

It seems like they've just disregarded what you put on the form. Hopefully you can sort it out - it would be a shame if the experience was spoiled for her...

I'm really cross

Have emailed. The problem is that all the pairings have now been done so it might be difficult to reverse... He really should have talked to us first! Dd's friends all have girls...

Gah will nobody tell me I'm being unreasonable??

I think you're being totally reasonable. My DD would be very upset too.

Thanks

if your DD is shy, would this not possibly help her with that?

Yes and no - she would be quite happy to be with a school friend at night, but having a boy partner would potentially mean being cut off from her friends at the weekend

I asked in the email why we weren't consulted first

Yanbu but tbh I think you should just pull out of the whole shebang. Exchange trips are utter hell for the shy and socially awkward. They work on the assumption that everyone is outgoing and gregarious and keen to get to know new people despite language barriers. I went on 3 exchange trips during my school days and was utterly miserable for all of them.

The thing is they have more boys on the Spanish side. They are not going to swap your dd to a different female partner as this would either mean putting another girl into the same position or leaving this boy without a partner.

I know I'm just so cross that they just dumped this arrangement on dd without checking first how we felt about it!

Definitely go back to the school on this.

We asked for ds to be paired with a boy, purely on sleeping arrangements. He was paired with a girl, we explained again that this was a problem, so he was re-paired with a boy from the year below. It meant that there was nearly 2y difference in age between them (ds is Sep-born, the other boy was Aug-born), but that was not really a problem in the end as most of the exchangees socialised together for the week.

Both children need to feel comfortable in the arrangement away from home.

FWIW we all enjoyed the cultural exchange weeks.