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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Year 7

48 replies

Sani1 · 08/03/2016 20:32

Hello,
When your child starts secondary school do you stop bringing them in or picking them up from school all together? as my child school is far away and I would like to drop him off everyday, but at the same time I don't want to embarrass him at the same time if this is not the common practice with year 7 pupils, please advise.

OP posts:

titchy · 09/03/2016 10:05

Do NOT walk with him! Fine to drop off and pick up by car but he will have the piss taken out of him is mum or dad feel the need to walk him to or from school. You need to start letting him walk to and from his primary by himself. Most kids are doing this by the end of year 6 in preparation for secondary school. If you live close enough for you to walk home with him then you live close enough for him to walk by himself.

He'll be fine I promise you, they all are! And big kids don't really pick on the younger ones. They look big and scary but they're really just child's brains in big smelly bodies.

Tigerblue · 09/03/2016 10:23

Mine doesn't need a lift on a regular basis, but when she was younger she'd ask me to pick her up around the corner. Now she's older she doesn't care if I drop her and her friends off outside school if it's pouring with rain! It won't make any difference whether Mum or Dad drops him off.

Going to secondary school seems to be the turning point when they become independent. If it works out best to give him a lift, then that's fine, but if he's using public transport or walking then definitely no parent. The kids at DD's school use the local buses and they are packed out with kids who get to know eachother. Obviously make sure he has a mobile phone, doesn't have to be anything fancy. Maybe you could walk the route with him and do a trial on public transport so he knows the route.

Regarding fights, there's the odd one in DD's school (usually the same kids involved) but never one outside. Everyone just wants to get home or go and mess about with their friends, especially the older ones who have the pressure of their GCSEs.

NynaevesSister · 09/03/2016 11:40

Don't worry about it! Maybe it is different around here (London) but lots of parents travel some or part of the way with their kids. And it isn't unusual in the first few weeks to go with them as far as the train stop or the bus stop. Go with what feels most comfortable for them. If they just don't want to take the train or bus on their own then go with - no one is to know whether you are on your way to work or not, or just going that way for different reasons. You may want to let him do the walk to and from the transport on his own and meet there. That's what we will be doing as son is very nervous E about the train or bus on his own. He has decided to do the walk on his own. He will probably pretend he doesn't know me but that's OK :)

FreyaB84 · 09/03/2016 11:50

If he's not confident being out on his own/using public transport then it would be a good idea to start giving him some independence now. Is it possible for him to walk to his current school? Are there any shops nearby that you could send him on errands to? What about any friends houses he could walk to? Start small with short, familiar journeys and then build up. Do a few practice runs of the bus route with him before he start secondary to give him more confidence.

As has been said, it's fine to drop him off in the car but please don't take the bus with him. It doesn't matter whether you or his dad go with him, he will still draw more attention to himself than if he was alone.

Kids change so much once they start secondary and you never know, after a few weeks he may find some friends who travel on the same bus and be happy to go with them every day.

insan1tyscartching · 09/03/2016 12:14

I drop off and pick up dd (and her friend) each day. It's not unusual here, a large catchment area and the school isn't on a direct bus route,and children from all years are taken and collected daily. On the rare occasion dd and her friend have walked I've met dd at her friend's and walked home with her and the dog. Dd has ASD and doesn't like to be out alone I wouldn't meet her at the school as that would be embarrassing but seeing as they are so slow getting back no one is about to see that I've met her and they are two miles from school anyway.

Diamogs · 09/03/2016 13:10

I would do a few trial runs on the bus in the holidays with him.

Then if you really feel you must travel on the bus with him, then walk separately from him, queue separately from him, sit separately from him and under no circumstances look at or talk to him - at least that would be the only circumstances that I would be permitted to travel with min on p/t

yomellamoHelly · 09/03/2016 13:14

Mine gets a couple of buses by himself but I collect him from after-school activities (has been dark at that time until recently and ds worried about bussing it). One of his friends gets dropped around the corner by his mum (and collected from around the corner) every day so that he "walks in" by himself. Guess it depends what everyone else is doing.

sunnydayinmay · 09/03/2016 17:14

Oh, and my DS is a sensitive boy who is rubbish at transition, and I was so worried about secondary - even primary school were concerned enough to set up counselling for him in year 6.

He grew up so much in the first few weeks, in a really good way.

Dropping by car - absolutely fine.
Taking public transport - not fine on a regular basis, unless you are going on somewhere anyway.

Why not drive for the first few weeks?

AChickenCalledKorma · 09/03/2016 17:24

Drive him, because it will save loads of time and energy for him. But also equip him to use public transport when he needs to. And there may come a time when he wants the independence, so you need to feel comfortable letting go at that point.

Don't worry about bad behaviour/bullying unless you actually find that it's a real issue for your own child. Plenty of quiet kids find their own niche and get on just fine at secondary school. And the big kids will look a lot smaller once he's actually there. (DD1 is now in year 9 and I'm finding it hard to believe that I used to think 14yo boys looked intimidating. Now they just look like her mates! Your perception really changes.)

nicp123 · 09/03/2016 23:02

Many Year 7 boys at my DS's school are still walking to and from school with their parents, some using public transport, others cars etc. but I don't see why they should feel embarrassed. I walked my son to school every day for the first term of Year 7 as I wanted to show him all of the routes and combination of travel possible. I also waited for him outside school gates at the end of school day with other parents and I didn't feel anybody took any notice. The older pupils are actually instructed by the Headmaster to look after and help 'the new comers'. On his first day of walking alone to school our DS took the wrong turn after getting off the bus but was helped by a Sixth Former recognising DS was disorientated. I think it will be very sad if your DS will be forced to make a trip alone if he is not ready. Safety is paramount in my opinion... If he tells you that walking together with you is an issue, then you might 'shadow' him by walking at some distance behind without looking like you are stalking him until he will learn the route and feel confident enough to make the trips independently. Good luck!

alwaysintheshadow · 10/03/2016 11:47

Loads drive here and drop off.
Those that came by bus did practice sessions in the holidays prior to starting so the child knew the route and what to do if they missed a stop.

Having said that until last week (when I shamefully lost patience and made her face her fear and walk alone to much protesting) I walked my year 8 child to just before school (some sen issues) and no one has batted an eye lid including the other kids.

Just don't be the Mum of the non sen child who stood in the yard with her child until the bell went and the teacher came out for the form (it being the first day) in year 7 like happened at dds school

alwaysintheshadow · 10/03/2016 11:48

You can always sit a few seats behind him on the bus if you go.

comfortseeker · 10/03/2016 12:40

My dd's friends don't mind being collected and drop off but just don't like walking with their parents. We live 1/2 mile up the road from dd's school. Many kids meet their parents about outside of my hse.

wannabestressfree · 10/03/2016 17:05

Please Don't go on the bus... ita social suicide. Pick him up or do a few dry runs.

comfortseeker · 11/03/2016 09:33

Just checked with yr8 dd she said they need to choose their GCSE options in October so no long. But will try to gain more understanding @ parents eve.

comfortseeker · 11/03/2016 09:52

Sorry posted to the wrong thread.

MrsSteptoe · 11/03/2016 09:57

DH took him on the train and walked up to the school with him on the first day. After that, he had the confidence to know that he could just follow the lemmings. On the other hand, he still likes DH to walk him up to the station, just because he's a chatty little fecker.

Original poster

Sani1 · 12/03/2016 15:42

Thank you ,
To answer some of your questions:-
Yes the school is in London, and it takes 2 busses journey to get there but around 20 mins drive.
I'm not worried about one specific thing but just things like bullying which I hear about a lot theses days, and the street quietness in winter nights.
For 10/11 years old , I still think they are children who need protection yet I don't want him to be teased or embarrassed by this.
I know from your responses that driving is ok, but bus/ trains is a no-no option 😭.
Maybe I'm worried as this is my first experience of secondary school with him, but I need to build his independence and to hide all my worries.

OP posts:

mudandmayhem01 · 12/03/2016 15:50

I think the reason we hear more about bullying these days as it rightly considered unacceptable.in the 80s certain kids were bullied mercilessly and can just remember to my shame thinking thank god it wasn't me.

seven201 · 12/03/2016 15:59

Oh definitely don't walk or get the bus with him! He will forever be known as the boy who comes to school with his mum. He will soon get used to it but at the start maybe drop him off in the car if he's that nervous. I'm a secondary teacher by the way. There's a lot of time between now and September so he might be more confident by then. A lot of the kids at my school make really close friends during the commute.

Soon after I moved house I discovered I live opposite a student - she was mortified (according to her mum) and since hasn't acknowledged me in the corridors or when I see her in the street - fair enough.

seven201 · 12/03/2016 16:01

Could you do some practice commutes in the summer holidays? I'm sure you know this and I'm not trying to scare you further, but make sure he doesn't have anything too valuable on him.

Lizzylou · 12/03/2016 16:11

I have a yr 7 child and teach in secondary.
You are over thinking and worrying about nothing.
At DC school lots get picked up/dropped off by parents, some walk/come by bus. No issue.
It is a similar story at my place of work. Really, don't worry!

SelfRaisingFlour · 12/03/2016 17:45

My son told me that there is a year 7 mum who waits at their bus stop until the bus comes and there is another one who gets driven to school and then walked to the front door.

My son feels sorry for these boys for having over protective parents. I agree it's social suicide for the children.

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