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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Do you have a Y6/7 DD? Please be very honest with me.

49 replies

LynetteScavo · 31/01/2016 17:46

Would your DD be friends with mine?This is an anonymous forum, and I would really appreciate honest answers.

DD is going to secondary school in September. It's highly likely she won't know anyone else in her year (she knows this, it's not a problem as she's looking forward to making new friends)

My concern is she is do dyslexic she can't text, and struggles to write anything someone of her she could decipher. Most Y6s can at least write phonetically, so their friends figure out what they're saying.

DD is very aware she's less able than other DC (also in maths) and puts on a bit of a front, acting very confident. For example, if asked a question she'll give any old answer, then justify it with long words (she has a wide vocabulary, tests say of a 14/15yo). Adults can see she's talking nonsense but other 10 year olds seem to be taken in.

Her best friends are the most able girls in her class. Very booky, bright girls, but when she texts them they reply with "???" because her spelling is so poor they can't understand the text. But they love her because they've known her since they were all 4years old, and "get" that she's funny and kind.

The school she's going to don't stream in Y7 and are 'dyslexia friendly". This is the 2nd day I've spent crying with worry about this.

Please be honest and not kind. Will my DD get left out of group texts, etc?

OP posts:

sunnydayinmay · 31/01/2016 19:21

I have a DS, but they seem to communicate a lot on WhatsApp, but using the recorded speech option (which seems completely pointless to me - why not just make a phonecalls? ).

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 31/01/2016 19:28

I didn't even know the voice option thing existed! I'll look into it... I was planning on giving DD my iphone 4 when she starts Y7 so will see if it works on that.

She hasn't seen me crying (even about Sir Terry Wogan) don't worry.

She has a short bob becuase she has very sticky out ears, so tying hair up is not the best option for her, and this has always been an issue between her and the other girls (she went through a phase in Y2 of believing if she had long hair in bobbles she too would be on the top table) She doesn't mind having short hair atm, and does brush hair and teeth, but has lamented about who will want to talk to her at high school becuase she's not interested in hair and make-up. funny how she keeps taking my nice lip gloss and blusher but I'm guessing she has an American film version of high school students in her head, and have assured her there will be lots of DC with similar interests to her. I see girls going off to the local high schools, with their sweepy long hair styles, and and feel a bit DD won't melt into the crowd, but realise I'm projecting my own insecurities. Which were never an issue with the DSs

I'll suggest to DD face time is the way forward.

OP posts:

bruffin · 31/01/2016 19:43

Its on android as well. There is usually a microphone button on keyboard

AtiaoftheJulii · 31/01/2016 19:51

Re short hair - when my dd started secondary school there were only about two of them (out of 120) with short hair, and now it's a year and a half later and lots of the girls have had their long locks trimmed

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 31/01/2016 21:22

My year 6 likes to FaceTime, email, and also chat on the land line phone. But each one is with a different friend, depending on what they like. (And it's not that often at the moment.. More of a novelty really) The way she communicates doesn't matter. It's that she can at all that she loves.

Sounds like there are some excellent ideas here

Lurkedforever1 · 31/01/2016 23:01

My dd is y7, and of course would be friends with yours. One of her bfs at primary was a girl with sn that had a bigger social impact than your dds, and academically the two were chalk and cheese. Her sn means she can't have the age appropriate independence dd and others can, and they all take for granted any plans will allow for bf to be included. Dd is at a different secondary now but they're all still very friendly. There is no way my dd would give a monkeys about your dds texting or dyslexia.

littledrummergirl · 01/02/2016 21:24

Ds2 has dyslexia. My advice in yr7 was to go to the club's he liked the sound of and meet people with the same likes. Be himself and not worry about fitting in as the right people will become friends. This seems to have worked as now in yr10 he has a lovely friendship group.
He uses Facebook etc with them and there have been no props with his lack of spelling.

Bolognese · 01/02/2016 21:48

DS went to new secondary with no primary friends two years ago, mobiles were banned there (some still use them in secret). He has made friends that are girls, boys, rich, poor, clever and less clever. Texts and typed communications were never used, occasionally skype on voice. I could definitely see him being friends with your DD as he has similar friends, they meet in person, have fun and yes fall out occasionally as well.

I know there is a crowd where social media is the be all and end all but their are 'normal' children as well that exist in the real world who like playing, talk about normal things and dont judge others on their 'issues' (for want of a better word) because mostly they all have issues.

So my advice is not to worry, for what its worth, but you probably will anyway.

Bolognese · 01/02/2016 21:53

PS, my post is probably irrelevant as you were asking about girls...
I replied in relation to my DS because he loves long hair and gets bullied about 'being a girl' but he wont have it cut, he just loves very long hair.

HPFA · 02/02/2016 06:52

I thought the best person to answer this was a Year 7 DD! So here she is:

as long as your daughter is friendly and kind she will have no problem making friends. do not worry about texting. there all kinds of social media your daughter can use and calling is sometimes more popular in secondary school then texting. if she has a problem all the teachers will be willing to help.

RomiiRoo · 02/02/2016 07:08

My DD was anxious about starting high school, to the point of tears and sleepness nights. Her primary school did lots of transition activities which helped - can you ask about these? She got to meet other children before she went and do two induction days the May before starting.

DD is not into hair and make-up AT ALL. She can do basic personal grooming but is unfussed by trends. She chose a skirt which I thought she would feel out of place in (I never thought I would be suggesting to my DD to get a shorter skirt!). None of her friends are interested in these things either.

Secondary schools are much bigger; there is far more likelihood that your DD will find kindred souls there than a small primary class. My DN is on the autistic spectrum and he found two lovely, close friends and is doing well.

Fairylea · 02/02/2016 07:11

My dd is in year 8 and would be friends with your dd :) To be honest hardly any of them text anyway - it's all FaceTime ! Or Skype if they don't have an iPad. They all spend hours playing minecraft and facetiming each other whilst playing it! I think kids are more understanding than we give them credit for and if your dd is very open about her issues with texting etc then I'm sure most girls would be really nice about it. There is a girl with autism in my dds class for example and they all talk to her about it and are very nice to her. They are less nice to the "mean girls" type group who plaster themselves in three inches of make up and spend their lives taking selfies for Instagram!

I think there's always going to be groups our children fit in with and those they don't but I certainly don't think your dd will have any problems making friends by the sounds of it.

crumpet · 02/02/2016 07:14

My dd was taken aback by the sudden interest in make up in year 7 - "all the girls" wore it, knew brands etc, and she felt a bit out of the loop.

On a shopping trip we wandered around the make up sections of department stores and Boots, to give her a bit of familiarity with high end/low end make up. She also had her face done at one of the counters (instant upload to Instagram), which made her look far too old (despite having been promised she'd only have a v light touch make over!), but it all gave her a bit of knowledge to join in any conversations. She is still not massively interested, but it helped give her confidence. A crash course in Zoella watching helped too, although Zoella is probably now old hat - and I was careful to have a chat about how Zoella and you tubers make their money promoting stuff, so to take recommendations with a pinch of salt!

Fairylea · 02/02/2016 07:22

Totally agree with everything Crumpet has just said!

Sadik · 02/02/2016 08:14

Romiiroo is right - secondary is so much bigger (even a tiny one) that it is much easier for them to find their niche. DD is now in yr 9, still no interest in makeup, and spends her lunchtimes helping in the library or playing magic the gathering & D&D with like minded geeky souls.

TeddTess · 02/02/2016 11:48

she'll be fine! iphones you can dictate texts, dh never writes a text anymore and it seems very accurate

my dd is in yr7 and not interested in make up etc.. she has suddenly become more interested in her clothes but not interested enough to actually go shopping or make an effort to get them, she just expects me to have the right outfit at the right time for her

the one thing in your OP i would get her to stop doing is "DD puts on a bit of a front, acting very confident. For example, if asked a question she'll give any old answer, then justify it with long words "

that would really irritate my dd - the lack of texting, make up etc, not a problem but the long winded big word nonsense answers would.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 02/02/2016 17:36

Thank you for all the kind reassurance and insight from your own DC.

I've now realised how silly I was being...I'm not even sure now why I was asking about girls, as my DD gets on just as well with boys as girls.

Also my DS1s very good friend since y7 is not at all academic and has SN but it's never been an issue. I'd completely forgotten that!

I've now pulled myself together.

OP posts:

DontCallMeBaby · 02/02/2016 19:53

About 90% of DD's social media contact is on Instagram and consists of someone posting a picture and everyone else posting hearts.

Quick test - iOS voice recognition is really, really good

NewLife4Me · 02/02/2016 20:02

My dd would be friends with your dd, and any other child would who weren't cruel.
I agree wrt asking the school about support pastorally, this isn't a huge request as she won't know anybody to begin with.
I would also encourage her to keep in touch with her other friends who are going to different schools. We found this useful when dd went to a different school to her friends.
My dd isn't dyslexic but isn't very academic and spells things wrong, regularly gets ??? from her friends. She was honest with them from the start and told them she hadn't done much texting, wasn't good with words etc and they take her how she comes now.
Please don't worry, I'm sure she'll be fine and will find a friend who may have problems in other areas, nobody is perfect.

pourmeanotherglass · 02/02/2016 21:32

If she is funny and kind, and currently has no trouble with making friends, then she will probably be fine. I worried a lot about my girls moving up to secondary, because I didn't really fit in at secondary school myself, but they have both been fine (now in yr7 and 8) DD1 is nerdy, and loves maths and science and doctor who. She isnt dyslexic, but struggles with writing and spelling. DD2 is young for her age (and also young in her year) and has a quirky sense of humour that I worried other kids that havent known her very long might not get. They both went to a different school from their primary school friends, and have both been fine and made friends.
With the phone thing, some kids are more into phones than others, they can always chat on Skype or Google chat or something instead of texting. Often, the ones that are on their phones the whole time are the ones that haven't got any hobbies.

2016IsANewYearforMe · 03/02/2016 10:16

My own DD is very able and writes well. Her texts are mostly emojies. Your DD may be able to get by with smiley faces, flowers, balloons, piles of poo, etc.

She goes to a selective school and none of them write much. It's mostly "xxx" and emojies and "hi." So I hope that texting won't be such a high hurdle for her.

Witchend · 03/02/2016 12:50

I have a year 7 and a year 10 and I can assure you that neither of them is the least bit interested in talking hair and makeup. In fact they wear make up on stage (as does ds) and really don't like it the rest of the time.

Dd1 did a lot of chatting on phones, mostly WhatsApp in year 7, but dd2 doesn't. In fact dd2's phone rarely goes on, she does email a bit, but her spelling is very much stream of consciousness!

briss · 03/02/2016 12:52

My dd is in year 8. Her best friend is severely dyslexic. She is also one of the most popular girls in the year. She uses snapchat and instagram with the best of them, sometimes with almost indecipherable spelling, usually with emojis :-)

steppemum · 03/02/2016 13:30

dd is year 6. She doesn't have a phone.
ds is year 8 and does and uses his all the time.

I am not convinced that dd will follow suit.
They are not allowed to use their phones in school, so during the day it shouldn't be a problem and ds and his friends use instagram and snapchat rather than text. I think if she can leave a message (spoken) or send a picture, she we be fine.
In fact one of ds friends never uses his phone, which ds doesn't understand, but they are still friends.

ds school was brilliant with pastoral support in year 7, lots of things to help friendships along.

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