Gutted over son's A level mock results.

[Purplerainbow1]

My son got his A level mock results today and I was totally gutted and disappointed to say the least. And I'm not talking just rubbishy grades, I'm talking 'why did he bother turning up for the exams?!' The thing is, he is very clever but just doesn't seem to want to put any effort in. I'm not holding high hopes for the actual real exams and I don't think he will get into university this September. Anyone else had a similar experience and any advice?

My son's were poor last year - 2 Ds and a U. His problem was a clingy cow of a girlfriend who was also doing A levels but was totally disinterested (and actually dropped out weeks before exams started) and distracted him no end while revising.
We resorted to bribery, in that we told him that if he spent a few nights a week working on his own without constantly having her phone thrust into his face to look at something amusing on Youtube and therefore did enough for his university place, we'd pay for train tickets and a couple of nights in a London hotel (bitch girlfriend said "I hate London" well tough, love, we're doing this for him not you). That worked for about a week
He applied for history and thankfully his first choice only needed 180 points from A levels - and he got bang on 180 with a C, a D and an E, so he did manage to pull a couple of his grades up between mocks and the actual exams. The one he got an E in, he actually managed to turn up 25 minutes late for the exam (school held it back for him) after staying at his girlfriend's the night before and his alarms failing to go off (we have a conspiracy theory about that) and while he still managed to sit the exam, there's no way he was in the right frame of mind for it.

purple, I am sorry if you were offended at my post. My advice was simply not to bribe them I don't have any suggestion at what to positively do but it seems you need something more significant than a simple reward. So I hope others have better advice for you.

I pretty much agree with Jeremy Corbyn. I think rewards or bribes or call them whatever you want only work if they are fairly significant. I know some schools use this system to reward good behaviour but it tends to be £5 vouchers or doughnuts for the whole class or something. If you are going to bribe an A level student who is not interested in working it has to be something of a fairly significant monetary value which he couldn't otherwise buy from his Saturday job earnings. So you are straying into the territory of £100 for a good grade or a holiday or driving lessons or something of that nature?! Then as a poster pointed out, what do you do next year when they are at university, miles away from you, with all the distractions of student life - and in your son's case possibly doing a course they are not particularly enthused about?

"and having to struggle for the right to go to Uni"

Or in my DM's case, never having a ghost of a dream of a chance. So when she yelled at us for being blase about education, she had right on her side. And we knew it. In your shoes OP, the walls of my house would be full of dents. DCs are immature. The most important thing he can learn is that he is going to have to learn to work. Whether uni or a job, he is not going to get through life by slacking. So when is he going to make a start?

On the other hand he might just not 'get' academic work and be best out in the workplace. Time will tell.

I did badly in mine too, parents bribes were ineffective. I did a bit more work for final exams, not much! I applied to uni once I got results, after reducing my expectations from doing physio. I got into a decent uni for a new course offering. Once there, something flicked in my head. I just didn't want to fail. I pulled my socks up, got a double first and then a full scholarship for my MSc. He's got to want to do it in my opinion.

Do you think your DS was gutted about the grades as well or does he really not care at all? If the latter is the case then maybe, as difficult as it will be for you, you need to just let him fail and learn the hard way. Better for him to fail now than be paid to revise, scrape into Uni and then fail once he's committed himself to £3,000 of debt minimum having started a degree and dropped out due to lack of commitment.
Different scenario I know but I failed all my A-Levels (my mum had terminal cancer and I was her sole carer so revision was not a top priority) but I still wanted to do well in a career long term so after my mums death I went and spoke to my nearest University and did a foundation year as a precursor to a degree. I loved every minute of that first year and there were students like me who didn't get their A-Level grades but also a lot of mature students looking for a career change so it's never too late to do that sort of thing. 8 years later I had three degrees having got a 2:1 undergrad degree and followed that up with a Masters of Research and PhD. Failing A-Levels is not the end of the world and if he actually wants to go on to Uni (you need to ask yourself whether it is he or you who want him to go to Uni) at a later date there are ways to do that that don't need A-Levels.

Jeremy Corbyn thank you for the apology. I'm sorry too if I was harsh in responses....

Supposedtobeworking, thank you for sharing your experiences and its great that you have done so well in your education. I'm sure DS will find his way in the world too. I have asked him if he wants to go to uni, as I don't think its the be all and end all, there are so many more options, he's applied to uni to keep his options open, not sure if he's going. The talks are still in progress!

Hi,
My son is the same age, and he and I were talking the other day about how he is surprised by who is doing well and who is struggling at A level. He has friends that are bright and have never had to work that hard who are failing because they can't/won't put in the work. Others that have never stood out academically are working really hard and getting top grades.
I don't think you can bribe him, I don't know any parents that has worked for.
I think you need to talk to him about next year. He might not know what he wants to do, but I bet he knows what he doesn't want to do. Together you need to go through the different scenarios.
If he does fail his A levels what will he do. Be clear with him about his options, but he has to decide.
Have you spoken to his teachers about what he can realistically expect to get.
I think you need a very honest discussion with him about the reality of his options.
My DSs best friend, always a bright 'top set' boy has crashed this year. He's a doer not a studier. Although he's more than capable of doing well it's not happening. Secretly his mum told me she's gutted, she'd always just assumed he'd go to a good uni. He's now applying for an apprentice role, it's not his dream, but when they sat down together and had the discussion about 'what are you going to do next year' HE felt that was the best option for him.
Your son is adult now, he needs to understand that, he has to make choices for himself (not tell parents what they want to hear but then carry on the same ) and you have to respect his choices.

Do you think having a conversation along the lines of 'so what are your plans come July. If you're not interested in exams, have you starting applying for jobs? They're looking for shelf stackers in Tesco, perhaps give them a call?'

Would it scare him into bucking up his ideas, if he knows that he's going to have to support himself when he finishes his a levels?

OP I'm not the parent of a teenager but I do work in a university so I have some insight into how self-motivated students have to be. If they don't learn it at A Levels university could be a very expensive experiment.

Personally I don't think trying to frighten him with a shelf stacking job is going to work. it might back fire on you and he might take up the offer and and like it. Especially pay day. Try and get him to study after that.

Whats wrong with shelf stackers anyway, we have all been there at some point in time.

OP. What were his grades? What sort of course might he want to do?

The world will always need tradesmen of one sort or another and I don't think university is the be all and end all. I also think that it isn't always necessary to go to university to be successful in work and in life. There are plenty of graduates who are having to take internships for little or no money, or employed in tasks that don't require the level of qualification a degree confers.

OP, you can't make your son put in the effort. You could try to motivate him, incentivise him, nag him, get angry with him, talk it out with him, but in the end he will decide, because he's the one doing (or not) the exams.

I was a teaxher and I really struggled with the expectation that university is the norm. I don't think it should be so. Out of my own two, one went and one didn't. The notionally more able one chose not to and the other decided on his own, without any input, that it was what he wanted, albeit a couple of years later than usual.

And obviously not going to university does not equal being either a tradesperson or a shelf-stacker. Some of the most successful people I know didn't go to university. The son of a friend is a very successful property developer which he arrived at via leaving school and doing an apprenticeship as an estate agent. BIL has a high-level marketing position with a fancy car manufacturer, also not via university.

I agree, thinking in straight lines ie University is only option, does not necessarily equate with success.
There is more than one way to skin a cat....
2 of my siblings did not go to university. One left school after O levels and is ridiculously successful. He felt constrained by school yet shone massively in work and then doing HNDs and the like through work. The other [much younger] left after GCSEs and again did other qualifications through work.
Again doing very well. They have spark and although I dislike the phrase, can think outside the box.
It was not lack of ability that made them begrudge school, the system didn't fit and it was best they got out of it.....

not lack of ability that made them begrudge school, the system didn't fit and it was best they got out of it..

Do hear that quite often, school can suck the joy out of learning.

You have a teenage son who may be at that stage of life where they need a male confidant. Do you have a family member or close friend who can relate to your son and have a PRIVATE conversation? This should not be about his school grades or work ethic, more about what is going on in his life outside school.

At 18 your son will legally be an adult and should be responsible for his own life choices and upkeep. If he chooses not to go to university than he will need to get a job. You should not have the stress (but you are his mum, so you will) of worrying about his grades.

Mums can only do so much, there comes a time when you have to kick the chick out of the nest and let them fall or fly. Good luck.

At my sixth form the most common grade during mocks was an E. And this was consistent through every year, ever, apparently. In the real thing, between 96-100% of grades end up being A*-C depending on the year.

Mocks are halfway through the year, there hasn't been much incentive to revise properly as it's 'only a mock' and they probably haven't properly gone over revision and exam techniques yet.

Don't worry too much, he is likely to do much, much better in the real exam. And as other's have said he has his AS grades too. Don't bribe him though, at 17(?) he should be doing it on his own accord as he's chosen these subjects and should be motivated to do it. You can't bribe him through uni and through his entire career. Attempt to motivate, work with him to plan a revision timetable, but bribing will do nobody any favours.

My son received his mock A level results yesterday as his college set them later in the hope that they are more prepared but he too was very disappointed. He had worked hard for them and had done well in his AS levels and was doing OK before his mocks.. So, where does he go from here with less than two months before the actual A level exams? He wants to go to Uni to study chemistry (with a 'gap year' beforehand) but he still obviously needs to get the grades this year to be accepted and doesn't want to do re-takes...

He needs to figure out where he went wrong (with the help of his teachers) then work his arse off over the next two months to fix the problems.

If he has worked hard and been doing OK in his school work, a large part of the problem could be poor exam technique. With some A level Chemistry questions, for example, it's perfectly possible to score zero marks for what is effectively only one mistake if the questions are not interpreted correctly i.e. if there is an error in part 1 and all the other questions follow on from part 1.
The main way to improve this is by working through past papers for the relevant subjects systematically.

I thought his college had been working on exam technique/interpretation etc but obviously not enough or he hadn't taken it all in. Anyway, yes, I can't impress on him enough the absolute necessity to work his arse off over the next two months - after all it is only two months - just hope he sees it that way and what impact these two months could have on his future!