Feeling fantastic about OUR choice of school

[voddiekeepsmesane]

So DS has just informed me after a lovely chat that secondary school is sooo much better than primary. He is in year 7 at a fairly high achieving school in our local area having got in through 11+ tests.

At primary he was constantly teased and ostracised for being the non-sporty ( read not football obsessed) high achiever.

In his new school he feels that he is just one of the "normal" as most are high achieving. This is not a boast it is what it is and he is what he is.

I just needed to say "yippee" in a place other than real life as no one that I know from primary gets it and I don't know the secondary lot enough yet.

DS had a tough time for the last 4 years but at last has found friends and a school that gets him as me and his father have always done. I am glad he didn't conform to the majority and stuck to his individuality. I think it will serve him well as he gets older

"it will attract some negative comments about the 11+, some of whom won't recognise the hypocrisy of the fact they are equally happy because they have brilliant comprehensives"

Eh? Why is that hypocritical? People's beef about grammar schools is because of how they select and their impact on other local schools. And you'll find that if people care about unfairness in relation to grammar schools they also care about inequality of provision in relation to comprehensives too.

Voddie,

I know what you mean about how the right school can completely change a child. My DS went from being a very isolated selective mute (through anxiety) to a very happy, well-integrated, [football playing!] high achiever as a result of a school move.

Tbh I think the grammar thing is a red herring - DS moved from State Primary A to State Primary B. The change happened because School B just fitted him better, and was a better school in terms of meeting his specific needs, than School A, and the same has happened for your son. His current school could be grammar, comprehensive, or private - the thing that matters and should be celebrated is that he has 'found his place' and is happy.

And tbf there are quite a lot of children who finds secondaries - of all kinds - much more congenial than primaries, partly because of their size and the sheer variety of people they can make friends with but also because e.g. they get to have specialist teachers for the subjects that they may be interested in.

The one your DS is at is a grammar, and happens to 'get;' him and so he is happy there. It could be any type of school and he would be just as happy. What is good is that he is happy.

That was my experience teacherwith2kids, the huge (comprehensive) secondary has suited my son who is a maths/computer geek with ASD and a physical disability and my daughter who is a strong all-rounder including sport but would rather curl up with a book. It is the number of students that makes it likely they will find others to share interests and the range of resources a big school brings.

This thread should bring hope to anyone whose child didn't have a great time in primary school and for whom secondary seems daunting, they can all flourish.

Similar story to our DS.

We thought he'd prematurely gone all uncommunicative teenager on us at primary school. When asked "What did you do today?" we either got a "nothing", "dunno" or a tale of someone or other fighting/getting into trouble etc...

Year 7 and we don't even have to ask. He's bursting with stuff to tell us about.

By the way. I am not bitter! Far from it. My children have had a briliant education but I would not be so dismissive of the other children you have left behind. Your family has special needs and maybe some of these children do too. You seem to suggest that none of the children your DS was at primary school with were worth very much. Also, all non sporty children are ostracised. I had years of it! You just grow a thick skin and get on with what you are good at.

What I do take issue about is the fact that somehow that your choice flew in the face of all wisdom and expectations when it clearly does not. "OUR choice of school". You are indeed in a fortunate position to have a choice. I could have written the same post, but I did not because so many people are far less fortunate for their DC and it is not a crime to say this. Even some of the children you have so fortunately left behind will be decent children and become decent adults. They may also have parents with difficulties.

I guess I am just a bit averse to heading up a thread with a boast, however well meaning it is. I am sure if I did it about my DDs achievements, I would get flamed!

I too am puzzled about the accusations of hypocrisy concerning "brilliant comprehensive" schools. Being lucky enough to have a DD attending one why would I not want our other local comps to be just as good - it would not make the one she's at any less brilliant!

I think it's amazing that your Dc has found a perfect fit for him. My DS has also thrived since leaving primary - I think they really outgrow it. I find it amazing the bitterness on issues like this on this website - why is everyone so jealous of some people getting a good result ! Be happy for them it's better one person is happy than two being unhappy isn't it? There's some serious chips on shoulders on this thread for sure!

Voddie, I feel really happy for you and your son. I too have a high achiever who hates football and he started at a very selective school last year where he fits in much better than he did at primary school.
It's nice to hear of children like your son (disabled parent and paret carer getting into a grammar school - well done to your boy for bucking the trend.
My son got offered a grammar place but it was too far to travel so he is at a selective indie on 100% bursary.

How lovely to have a happy boy again.

I get you, voddie,
My ds did not fit in at primary, I heard some children say 'don't play with him, he's weird...' when he was about 10. (that's how to break a mothers heart, by the way) but since finding 'his people' at secondary, he's thrived and flourished socially. His dyspraxia means that he finds sport difficult, and therefore has no interest in it, which can be socially isolating for many boys.
He now has a close circle of friends who have stuck together through to sixth form and working hard is normal, as well as playing dungeons and dragons hard.

Good news that your son is a lot happier now op. My dd is a lot happier at secondary too. I'll cut and paste my post from another recent thread.

"I was worried about dd starting at the local comp as she can be a bit eccentric/geeky and is a bit defenceless against mean kids. In primary school she had a small group of friends but the big gang of cool/mean kids were quite disdainful towards her. She seems much happier at secondary though. She's made friends with a really nice bunch of likeminded kids across the year group that she's met in her sets/clubs and she's no longer stuck with a claustrophobic group of thirty kids like at primary, but gets to mix across the year and has had no bother from any mean kids. Her tutor group seem better. She seems really happy and comes home full of beans as she likes the teachers/lessons/different classes/clubs. She was in good spirits about going back to school after Christmas. I'm really pleased for her. Secondary is really suiting her."