Does anyone have experience of educating some do privately and some in state sector?

[Copperkettle]

Dc1 is at a private school for a variety of reasons. In a nutshell couldn't get into state school he wanted and we weren't happy with other options.

Dc2 ( same sex) is in year 6. Doesn't want to go private. Won't get into the outstanding state school so would have to go to the level 3 ofsted local comp . He wouldn't know anyone.

Both equally academic. It feels like a major social experiment to take two similar dc and send one to an amazing selective school and another to a failing state school.

Financially though it would be preferable as we have 2 younger dc and I feel as though our decision for dc2 will impact where they go and frankly 4 lots of school fees would cripple us.

I'm still resentful about it all as if dc1 had got into the school with all his friends they all would have. It's our closest school and very good.

Sorry, meant to add.
Both children chose their schools, except the worst school was only one with places in our area. We missed out on a good school by 500m, ds wouldn't let me appeal, was adamant he was going and did well, far better than most of his peers and is a lovely man now.

DD told me if I stood in her way and tried to stop her she would never forgive me, honestly.

Haven't rtft but have you thought about trying to move DC1 into the outstanding comp now? There may well now be places open. I didn't get into the outstanding comp I wanted to go to despite appeal, but joined after Xmas in year 8. My younger sister then enjoyed the sibling benefit when she applied.

We've had all 5 in private from year 7. 3 joined at varying stages in junior school. At that time we had a mix of private and state.

I think the way you have to look at it is doing your best for each individual child.

But if the "best" is only available for the eldest and the others have to have 2nd or 3rd best, then is this not a problem? If DS 2 does not want private, then perhaps you can go along with it for the time being and change at 6th form? You let DS1 say he didn't like the state schools and now DS 2 says he does not like the private school, you seem against that. Let him go where he wants as you did for DS1. If you cannot afford private school fees for all and feel guilty about dividing the children, then maybe private for none would have been the answer? What will you do if the next two refuse to go to a state school? Or the state school is unsuitable for them? It is dilemma but you have chosen to go down this route. Start saving?