Detention for wrong book - long sorry

[gleegeek]

My over conscientious, worrier dd (12) has come home from school distraught after receiving her first ever detention today. Apparently she had mistaken her RE book for her science book as they are the same colour. How would your school deal with this? Trying to work out if the teacher went a bit over the top or not...
The teacher said she was sick of handing out 10 min after school detentions (naughty class) so dd has to go a week tomorrow for a 25min after school detention. Poor dd is beside herself. She accepts she made a mistake but just wants to get the detention over and done with, rather than stew about it for a whole week!
Dh has looked at school policy which states level 1 offences like forgetting equipment for first time is note in planner/verbal warning/detain for few minutes if convenient to do so. Level 2 offences are for repeat or serious offences which can result in detention with 24hrs notice.
Dd is so upset and outraged at the teacher - it sounds to me like the teacher flipped and poor Dd caught the weight of her frustration. Dd is panicking the teacher will pick on her now, she is scared and doesn't want to go to school tomorrow
It's so hard when you get punished for a relatively small mistake when she tries so hard to always work hard and be organised...
Do I talk to the school or just put up with it? If it were tomorrow I'd probably ignore it but I know we'll have a week of sleepless nights...
Thank you!

It does depend on the school.
We sent dd1 to the school that is more relaxed (you get a chance every half term on such things, so first time forgetting means it's noted; second time lunch time detention; third time after school detention) because we knew that she'd worry about it.
But the school which is better rated by local custom, has a one strike and you're out. Second strike and you're sent home for the day. Great when my friend's ds who was a school refuser they got him with heaps of support and lots of effort into school to be sent home on the second lesson for not having a dictionary.

I don't like the second approach because it picks up those who are normally well behaved but have made a mistake. But also, actually those at the school treat detentions as one of those inconveniences that everyone has. They're so commonplace that getting one is no big deal.
Whereas giving a second chance means they know they have to be careful for the rest of that half term. But it picks up those who are trying it on.

However it does mean that the individual teachers can slightly change it round who the child is. So one like dd1 who rarely forgets anything and is generally good, it works well for as they will often give them the benefit of the doubt. However it does leave space for cries of favouritism, and means that it can seem sometimes not fair-I can imagine a child saying "I got an afterschool detention for not having my book, and 3 other people got nothing."

I can't understand why schools are so harsh unless there is a huge discipline issue generally.

At both Ds & Dd schools forgetting a book would not be a problem at all as the teachers understand that life can be hectic & mistakes happen. At ds school he may possibly get a minor misdemeanours mark (3 of those earns a detention) but what has happened in the past is that he did the work on paper & was expected to copy it up.

Both schools pride themselves on their standards of discipline but they seem to do so by gaining the respect of the students who know that the teachers are both fair but understanding.

Fear breeds resentment, it will not improve discipline standards.

I'd have a big issue with the teacher not following the school's discipline policy. It sounds like she lashed out because she was stressed and picked the wrong 'victim' - the teacher should be tackling the disruptive kids, not giving your DD a harsher sanction because she was in a rotten mood - that is unprofessional behaviour.

I'd let the detention go, but have a word with the form tutor asking if the discipline policy has changed, since your DD manifestly did not get any warnings.

It's 25 minutes of her life. That's all.

It's good training for mindless bureaucracy later on eg being fined £60 for overstaying in a car park by 5 minutes.

My son's school gives out detentions for missing homework. Doesn't matter if they've forgotten, not done it or have the wrong book. And it can vary between 30 and 60 minutes at the teacher's discretion (how bad a mood they are in). I don't think it's fair but life isn't fair and unless it really causes an issue eg they can't get a bus home and you have to take a half day's leave from work to collect them instead just move on.

However, given your daughter's anxiety issues I don't think it would at all be unreasonable to ask for it to be done sooner rather than later. My son did something while on a school trip which ended in early half term and we had to wait the whole of half term so know what his punishment would be which I thought was unfair. If you are going to set a detention give the parents 24 hours notice and get on with it.

When my DD started comp, it was pointed out to us we should respect the school's decision to issue detentions and support them. I feel that detentions were issued for smaller things in Year 7 that are overlooked in later years. Our school does three cautions over uniform, but issues detentions for one off reasons.

My DD had her first detention during the first term and was upset about it (never had one since). She was genuinely ill on the day of the detention and had to cope with lots of comments from others that she was skiving which didn't help. It ended up being delayed over Christmas and I noticed at that time she wasn't sleeping well. As soon as detention was done, she got back to normal. Her detention is forgotten about now and she holds a position in Year 10 similar to prefect, that is only awarded to a small number.

I think it's upsetting for a child who doesn't normally get into trouble to end up with a detention. I'm sure you've pointed out that she needs to try and learn from her mistake and try not to worry - nothing bad is going to happen to her. My DD enjoyed her detention in the end - she was asked to read which she loves and happened to have reading for English homework!

Would be detention here. Not having the correct exercise book means they don't have what they need for that lesson and can cause problems if they are carrying on work from a previous day. Warnings are for forgotten equipment such as pens, rulers etc. But forgotten books, PE kit or planners is instan detention

I would not send my child to a school where they are not allowed a single simple mistake.

Same here pointy.

Teacher: you've got detention
Pupil: but it was a simple mistake
Teacher: oh! Now you put it like that, no detention for you!

Ha ha ha ha ha

It helps to keep the mistakes in the singular, pointy. That's the pointy

Doesn't that depend slightly on detention not having been devalued by overuse and the kids being bothered by getting one?

I disagree molly. Detention for taking the wrong book would Have no effect on it happening again in the future. It would oribably just mean Ds would be late for/get upset about going into school if he realised a mistake had been made.

Detention is for misbehaviour/consistently not handing in work / 3 low level minor offences.

Rafa it clearly hasn't been devalued by the OP's DD

What ballet girls said. If you hand out detention for trivial first offences you also have nothing left in the locker for the big stuff. There seems to be a culture of treating all secondary pupils as feral beings incapable of behaving well without draconian and pretty discipline - in some schools. Meanwhile I see our local mixed comp with a non-leafy intake managing perfectly well with a more reasonable system. It makes me think these 'tough" schools are just being lazy.

At ds's svhool the kids know that misbehaviour, rudeness, messing about etc will not be tolerated. There is a culture of mutual respect.

Giving random detentions for mixing up books I think would undermine that culture.

Why would it, Balletgirl? If all misbehaviour, rudeness and messing about can be eradicated by the threat of detention (as if); why would also getting detention for not being properly equipped for lessons suddenly make it something not to give a shit about?
It either works as a deterrent or it doesn't

Forgetting or mistaking a book isn't misbehsving though. Punishing someone for an honest, genuine mistake, especially a normally conscientious student causes resentment.

Some people/children are naturally organised. Others ;including my two on the autistic spectrum have to work twice as hard at it & errors still happen.

Dh is a teacher & he forgets books/equipment sometimes!

Well, yes, we all do it. They just learn not to be quite so slapdash when they know there's a consequence. It still happens, just not so often as it might otherwise.

Bit, the OP's dd isn't in a school where detentions are handed out for first time minor offences though. It's different. The policy in her school is a verbal warning with detentions as a punishment further on in the discipline policy. I doubt the kids in her school are running a competition to see who can accumulate the most detentions.

Teachers aren't perfect, and some work in high octane environments.

You have recognised that the teacher was near the end of her tether when poor DD brought the wrong book. With a class where numerous pupils present with similar and slightly worse misdemeanours, it is understandable that a stressed out teacher failed to treat your daughter as an individual. She has probably already realised this by now herself and is feeling guilty over her Friday glass of wine.

A simple email to inform her that this was DDs first offence, and DD is otherwise extremely diligent, should do the trick. Coming alongside the teacher will be the right thing to do.

If DD has the detention cancelled, please tell her not to make a song and dance of it.

I teach in a secondary school and I think it helps to show you are human and sometimes make mistakes. If someone is a 'usual suspect' I give them detention but I always give people 24 hours reprieve with homework etc..... Then I set detention.
I don't always get it right but I try and explain why I have decided on a course of action.
Our detentions are the same day normally though (if we can get hold of parents) or the day after.

In your circumstances I would:
A) talk to the head of year/pastoral tutor, about your DDs anxiety and reaction to this detention.
B) tell her lots of stories about wh n you got detentions etc. ( I am relieved all me me got their first one pretty quickly so didn't get too anxious, they actually often "enjoyed" detention).
C) see your GP about her anxiety, because in my experience it gets worse in the teenage years.

It depends. If you work in a school where students are regularly forgetting books, then don't copy up notes etc then it becomes a big problem. You have to have an edge of intolerance at times otherwise everything can be written off as a mistake, expectations lower and learning suffers.

Can I get my book, it's in my locker (yes no problem Emily - 5 mins of lesson lost)
Me too (sure thing Adam!)
Me too (OK Lucy!)
I left my homework in my form room (no probs)
OK let's get going. Sophie you forgot your book last week and so did you Josie and Martha you mixed up your science book. Did you all copy up? You did Sophie. Martha and Josie forgot again. Ok no problem. Oh here's Lucy back - it wasn't there? Oh right. Where's Adam? He went to the toilet quickly you say...ok. Right. Let's get some paper for Lucy and I will just write a note in your planner to remember your book. Here's Adam.. Adam you shouldn't have gone off to the toilet, you're just back from lunch. Oh ok you forgot to go. I understand. These things happen. No problem. And you have your book. Great. Ok Emily is back - great - she has her book. Right so your homework was to research 3 elements of xxx ready to tell everyone. Yes Alexis - your internet was down ok that's not your fault I understand. James you wrote it down wrong you say? Yes I understand mistakes happen. Don't worry. Lily you did 2 because you didn't have time. No problem. I understand.

Which is why the minor misdemeanours card works.