Please reassure me about secondary!

[chompybot]

Hi my DD is in year 5, so I have started looking round secondaries. There are a lot of schools fairly near, so I wanted to see them all myself this year and then will visit the most likely possibles next year with DD.

At the moment I don't really 'love' any of the schools - is this normal? I have seen 5 so far and have another 3 to visit (its London, hence so many schools in a small area - we are within 3 miles of all the schools I'm seeing)

I have a DS just two years below my DD so am also thinking ahead to whether he will go to the same school as her; or if they go single sex how will it be having them at two different schools? There is not one obvious nearby school for them both to go to, hence my confusion. Plus, the schools all seem to have different entry criteria!
With one school I liked the building and the Head but not so keen on the pupils; other schools I got good vibes from the pupils but didn't like the Head or the building...etc.

I have so many questions and feel so unsure about it all! Any tips for coping with the secondary school minefield? Or am I overthinking it all and will they be just fine wherever they end up?

I think (almost) every school will have upsides and downsides - you'd be very, very lucky to have the 'perfect' school available - and then it would probably be oversubscribed . . .

Obviously you don't want a terrible school with lots of gang violence and out of control kids, but beyond that, IMO 'good enough' is just fine. Especially for dc with interested caring parents which you obviously are.

No need for them both to go to the same school. No advantage at all. So just concentrate on your older DC now.

Second going with what suits your DD now. Doesn't matter a bit if DS goes to a different school (as long as they aren't reliant on you for school run).

Also remember that Heads can change very quickly.

3 miles is a very big catchment for a Londin school unless the criteria is selective, religious or lottery, so unless you are in with a chance for (super) selective and or faith you might not have as much choice to angst over as you think!

I agree with what had been said : concentrate on what is right for your dd. My only caveat would be that if you have a good local girls school and a good local co-Ed that is lottery, but the local boys school is awful, then it might be as well to increase your DS's chances by favoriting the co-Ed lottery school for your Dd IF it has a sibling policy and would be a good school for her.

I thought the same as Blu - for a standard comprehensive of say 210/240 intake, 3 miles is huge in London (Assuming we are talking state not private). We're in a leafy bit of surrey and the distances here are more like 1.5 miles, and we are nowhere near as densely populated as most of London. Have you checked the last distance allocated for this year for schools? A genuine choice of 8 would be staggering for London!

And concentrate on each child as an individual. Perfectly normal to have siblings at different schools.

Yes a couple of the schools I have looked at have a last distance allocated of 3 miles or more.

We are within the catchment area of 4 schools (going on current home to school distance of last place offered, obviously this may change over the next year.)
In addition, another school slightly further away chooses on ability banding - not distance....plus has music scholarships too. Quite a few children from our school (who don't live very far from us) have gone there.

Another two schools that we are out of catchment for offer music scholarships, so that is something we are looking at, if we feel the school is right its worth a try. A few children from DD's school have gone to these schools, so I don't think we are being completely unrealistic as she is quite musical.
So yes, catchment choice of 4 schools, with music scholarships I am looking at a total choice of 7...

In a way it might be better to have no choice!!

The nearby boys school is quite good from what I hear, although haven't visited it myself. I went to a mixed school myself so find the idea of single-sex schools a bit strange, but I am trying to be open minded.

Patricia - the population density means there are more schools within a small area. However there was a typo in my original post, I have only visited 8 schools within 2 miles, not 3 miles (getting my km and miles confused!). That's after discounting the faith schools.

1.5 miles would give us 5 schools....

Useful to hear from others that they didn't feel both DCs needed to be at the same school.

Patricia - the population density means there are more schools within a small area

Maybe, but it doesn't follow that their catchment area is higher, as the density means they fill up from a smaller area! We used to live in Fulham, and there are several schools there that had effective catchments of under 2 miles.
However, if you have checked the official stats on admissions, then good, you will hopefully have a realistic idea of your chances which puts you in an informed position.

Mine will almost certainly end up at single sex, and I agree, it's a strange idea if you aren't used to it (I wasn't). Im still not 100% with it!

I agree with all the first few posts -

• No issue at all with your dc going to different schools. Take each of them in their turn and choose the best school for that individual child
• I have no issue with single sex - some people on here feel strongly about it, but, all my 3 went to single sex schools and have done / are doing well.

But mainly, I agree with this

I think (almost) every school will have upsides and downsides - you'd be very, very lucky to have the 'perfect' school available - and then it would probably be oversubscribed . . .

You have to think about what you consider to be important, and weigh up the pros and cons. Even once they've started, you'll discover annoying things you never thought to ask about, or you'll find that things have changed between you deciding, and your child getting there (or to the relevant yr group). There will also be things that change that you consider to be really good, that weren't a consideration when you looked round in Yr5.
I think it's really sensible to look in Yr5, and try to narrow down the field a bit and look again next year once you are a bit clearer about what is important to you.

Thanks for advice. I guess its a bit like choosing a house - you have a list of priorities but you'll never find the perfect one so you have to decide what is really the most important. It has been helpful in looking at the schools this year, I am still unsure about which ones to put on the application form, but now I have a better idea about what's important. (Obviously when DD looks round next year she'll have her own opinion!)

For example I was thinking I wanted them to be co-ed at the same school, but now looking round I realise that maybe not the best. DS is very different to DD.
I was worried about the bitchiness at a girls school (from experience at primary school, girls can be mean), but then I was leaving a mixed school yesterday and some of the older kids were at the gate and you could see how some boys can get overly playful with girls (grabbing them, teasing them etc) and so I see at girls-only you take all that stuff out of the equation.

She's not that bothered about going to the same school as her primary school friends so that's not an issue (she has lots of friends out of school).

I will work out travelling times via public transport, as I don't want DD to have a massive journey at the end of the day.

I guess what I really want is her to fit in and not feel 'different' - she's quite studious, and I don't want her to be teased for that.

We only looked at two schools and were very lucky as one left us with a fantastic impression and the other was a total let down. The one that wasn't right (various reasons), I didn't feel was right for DD either - we're just an average family but some of the kids we spoke to (although seemed lovely in themselves) were obviously from different backgrounds.

For me I'd be looking at whether it feels right for DC and what can they offer him/her personally at their level, what your overall impression was of the staff (not just Headmaster), are they proud of their pupils work, results, for us I realize distance would now have been an important factor as she is having the time of her life socially and most of the time has someone to come home with, and sometimes stays on with older ones on the spur of the moment who share a common interest - as it's fairly local we don't have to worry about school buses.

"we're just an average family but some of the kids we spoke to (although seemed lovely in themselves) were obviously from different backgrounds."

The beautiful thing about most children starting secondary is that ^this does not matter. My DS started at secondary last year and has friends from a range of backgrounds.

No school will be perfect.

My son attends the most oversubscribed school in the borough. It is largely great but certainly not perfect. Decide the things that are non negotiable, keep those uppermost in your mind when you visit. Some things you just have to overlook.

We decided how we would order our preferences based on the way the teachers and students spoke about each other; we got the impression that they genuinely liked and respected each other. Haven't been proved wrong yet!

Don't rely on furthest distance a place was allocated as a guide to how close you have to live to have a chance of getting a place. There could be all sorts of reasons why a child who lives a little further away than usual got offered a place. Unless that figure is fairly constant year on year you need to delve a bit deeper.

"we're just an average family but some of the kids we spoke to (although seemed lovely in themselves) were obviously from different backgrounds."

Very sad if this matters.
I know it seems to as the reactions of shock horror to fact I have put a school down as first choice that has about 50% of intake classes as 'disadvantaged' on last ofsted.
However, impressive ofsted, Head and open day made me smile so there you go... and there he will go all being well.
Another school that other parents prefer seemed very up themselves on website and open day and offered ridiculously priced school trips and very thinly disguised they were aiming for the middle classes. Not an attractive or inclusive trait and it put me off. Quite clearly it was a turn on for others though.

I can see both points of view. I went to one school open day where it was all talk of how many students had got A*, how it was the best school in the area, exotic trips etc. I found it all a bit OTT and put me off. Whilst I want my children to do well, I feel that academic results are only part of the story.

But at another school they hardly talked about the academic achievements, but rather went on a fair bit about supporting pupils who are having a difficult time / improving attendance / getting the best from each child. From what I know of the school I would be worried that my child wouldn't fit in, at the end of the day you want them to feel accepted and make friends, my DD has already had difficulty with friendships at primary so its something I am aware of.

But to be honest due to where we live (unless you go to a private school), all the schools will have a fairly mixed intake. And I think getting on with a variety of people is part of learning about life. But you also want them to find some like-minded kids to hang around with.