Y7 - what if they aren't making friends

[Iamthinking]

My dd does not know anyone at her new school, but lots of the other children do as they come from a few of the same primaries.

She says she has people that she sometimes thinks could be a friend, but she isn't sure, and by the sounds of it they are not too interested in her. I don't think they are mean, they are just disinterested.
She also has said that she looks around for other people to try with, and actually can't see many people that she thinks she wants to be friends with. I kind of get what she means, from what I have seen they all do seem to be much tougher than her. She doesn't seem 'street' enough.

Is it too soon? Am I worrying too much? What can I do about it anyway? She is lovely the way she is, she really is. It makes me very sad.

ps when she tells me these things I don't start wringing my hands and worrying in front of her. I just say 'mm' and 'aah' and 'yes' and 'that sounds tricky' kind of thing. My worrying is all out of sight.

Still early days. Does she do any clubs or after school activities? My dd does gym and also go to a youth club once a week. Amazingly how outside school interests can help them makes friends in school.

My dd has some similar issues so you are not alone

Some ideas:
find out if there are any clubs (in school and out of school)
learn a musical instrument that she can later play in an orchestra in e.g. clarinet rather than piano
meet up with friends from primary
talk about how to start a conversation, body language
tell her to expect people not always to be friendly but to keep trying
ask if she would like to meet someone in town/bring someone back for tea (again not to be too upset if the answer is no the first time)
have games downloaded on her phone she can talk to others about
is there any one she can walk at least part of the way to and from school with

may be phone her form tutor and say she is struggling and see if the tutor has noticed anything- could she be put in a group with others for some activity to get to know them better

As you said lots of people know each other, I would suggest maybe OP can encourage your DD to take the first step, talk to the people she feel that maybe can become her friends? What clubs in school she attends? If she goes to a couple of clubs, then she will see people in her class who has similar interests with her. Then she can try to talk to them? Or take the chance to talk to the person who sit next to her in the class?

Then by half term, she maybe can invite a few classmates to your house?

Thank you for your replies. I have done a lot of what has been suggested by you. She does a Saturday morning music school and a swimming club out of school.
She is learning clarinet in school, which she really enjoys.
I have got her to arrange meet ups with ex-primary friends.
Last night though, she said she still didn't have any friends and again got really upset. It is making her sad. She says she is happy at home but it is making her really unhappy in school....I think there was a particular PE lesson that triggered it.
It seems to be that people are just not interested in her. She says that she keeps making an effort to make conversation and they turn away or don't really interact. Lots of small things...getting into groups, walking in pairs to places.
She just sounds really lonely.

There are only 10 girls in the class, and three of those sound like really nasty pieces, judging by what she has said they have said. She is giving them a wide berth, so that leaves 6 girls to chose from.

I am thinking that today I may try to contact her tutor to see if he has any ideas. I don't fancy my chances, I am not sure she will have a high enough profile for him to have noticed her.

Just to be clear, she is intelligent, fairly confident but sensitive. I think she would have no problem thinking of things to say to people, but would be sensitive to being knocked back.
It makes me feel like crying. (But I don't show it).

Oh bless. This was my DS last year. He's just started Y8 and so much more settled.

Focus on clubs etc in school. There will be lunch and after school clubs. Chat through each day and look for the positive. Chat to form teacher or Head of Year. They may buddy her up with another child or two.

Ok email sent to tutor, hopefully we can find solutions to help her through.
I hope I am in your shoes Wolfiefan this time next year.

My DD was also the only one from her primary who went to her secondary. I wouldn't say she struggled, but she didn't find a particular friend until after Christmas of the first term. I think a lot of the girls were just getting used to being at secondary themselves, and so didn't want to rock the boat by introducing new people into existing friendship groups. They weren't being unkind, just perhaps unthinking.

I encouraged DD to join school clubs both at lunchtime, and after school. Partly to keep her occupied, so that she didn't feel alone, and also to expand upon the number of people she met. My DD was sporty, and not musical at all, but looking at her school it is the musicians who seem to have huge numbers of orchestras, bands, ensembles, choirs etc that they can join. Your DD may be able use her clarinet playing to her advantage!

I hope her tutor can help too.