11+

[Ahwoo]

My rather shy DD has interviews for (boarding) schools coming up and I don't really know how best to help her.

She is bright and articulate in normal situations but always seems very nervous talking with strangers, coming across as very shy and unnecessarily guarded. I have tried to give her hints and pointers on 'likely' questions asked but I worry I may be feeding her too much information and causing further distress.

Any tips?

Sorry, I sent before I could correct the subject title, which should've read: Interview Tips for 11+

Don't overdo the preparation. The schools just want to see how a child thinks and processes questions. You can't really gauge what questions will be asked.
The only question that I think is well worth preparing for is "is this your first choice of school"? My DS got asked that question and luckily we had expected it and warned him that it was likely to be asked (as we knew the school would want to know how Keen each family was on that school so they could gauge how many first round offers to make). My DS handled the question brilliantly. Other questions were just totally random and no amount of prep would have been helpful.
Try not to worry about the shyness. The interviewers are used to some children being shy and they are usually very good at getting children to speak. The most over confident children at my DS previous school were the ones that didn't get offers after interview (think it had more to do with their confidence levels though).

^^ had to do with more than just their confidence levels

Agree with the above.

It might be worth finding an adult she does not know well, so she can practice talking to a friendly stranger.

Also, do not try to script what she will say, but make sure that she knows which of her hobbies she'd like to talk about and which book she'll say she's reading. Just to minimise the chances of a 'rabbit in the headlights' moment as questions about what you're reading, or what you like to do in your spare time are common ice-breakers.

I would suggest that you find a friendly adult so she can practise answering questions. It is no good you doing it- you are too close to her.

You've asked two different questions!

The second one is easier to tackle. Assuming she knows why she wants to attend that particular school and what she enjoys both academically and extra-curricularly; has read a book and follows the news and perhaps has one thing that might make her stand out - I don't think it would be helpful to spend much time on "likely" questions.

The bigger issue is her willingness to challenge herself. You say she's fine in "normal" situations but wary of speaking to strangers? Thing is, secondary school, particularly boarding school, is all about interacting with strangers. Getting on with your dorm/housemates, hosting or visiting other schools for sport/debates/etc.

Will the interviews be early next year? If so you have plenty of time to coax her into as many new situations as possible. Perhaps an activity she hasn't tried before? (Not easy to make suggestions not knowing your situation.) I do think it needs addressing - boarding life is quite rumbustious and she'll need to be able to speak up for herself from the beginning.

Thanks for the advice so far.

She has a couple of interviews later this month and a couple more next month.

She's fine once she gets to know that person but seems terrified if it's an adult she has not met before. Gets very nervous to the point she almost seems to shut down.

I did have one of my friends from work run through a few random questions with her earlier but she got so nervous she couldn't answer simple stuff like, "Why did you choose to do the piano and not another instrument?" - a complete deer-in-headlights moment

Try a different tack? Could you get her to interview some individuals she doesn't know well? She could write out a list first, tailored to their interests or occupations. So she'd be talking to an adult without being put on the spot and she'd get to see the interview process from the other side - which should help.

If she won't do that could you get her to simply practise reading aloud to "strange" adults? Anything to get her using her voice in company. (It's a little late for theatre school but that sort of thing does build confidence.)

What help has her current school been - generally? (Not with exam prep but encouraging her social skills.) And will there be a big difference in the relative size of this and any potential new school?

I think the questions my DDs were asked were more general and not about why they chose x instrument over another one. It is highly likely a child has not had a wide range of instruments to choose from or does not have a coherent answer regarding their choice. Definitely have a few books to talk about, what they like most about school, what they like about the new school and are looking forward to, why they want to board, hobbies (where the music comes in) and interests. I think a lot of interviews just back up what the child is like on paper and a gushing 10 year old is not necessarily what a school is looking for. A child who will contribute to school life academically and via sport, music, art, drama or something else is what they are looking for. A bit of personality does go a long way though. I also do not believe there are wrong answers but children who seem keen to embrace what a school offers is definitely good. So trying to get your DD to relax is important and mapping out her strengths and interests will help.

However, confidence, and an ability to have a conversation with an adult are useful traits! Can she have a bit of help from a teacher at school who knows her well? Does her school have no ideas how to to help?

At home, we just looked at what the girls could actually talk about. (State school background). Making sure they looked at the interviewer (who will come across as friendly) and absolutely not making anything up! The children have to be themselves. Your DD is very shy, but that IS her personality and she may not be able to mask that.

Gruach I never thought of having her turn the tables and act as the interviewer - worth trying I think. At the very least it's a bit more practice talking with an adult stranger.

Milly you are right that is her personality but in such selective interviews she is going to have to open up a bit more.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will continue to work with her and hopefully she settle her nerves with a bit more experience.

Just remember that the important thing is not getting through the interviews but whether she'll thrive at one of the schools once there.

If she's generally enthusiastic about the whole process she'll probably be fine - but it would be miserable being at boarding school without the skills to express oneself.

I'll cross my fingers for her!