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Secondary education

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15 year old DD - Which works Good Cop or Bad Cop ?

8 replies

VS3804 · 22/09/2015 14:02

Have 15 year old DD whose first relationship has ended badly. After an argument on social media, her boyfriends parents have put a stop to the relationship and will not allow any contact, despite her being happily involved with their family for almost seven months. Going from daily chats/dates to nothing overnight. He is older and has not made any effort to contact her, which is strange for his age, but admirable as he is listening to his parents.

This has lead to DD having panic attacks and now general anxiety, she already suffers from migraines and they have been paid 1000 times worse recently. She has been off school for a fortnight and with schools help we are introducing her back into school with an odd lesson and isolation. However, its her GCSE year ! I'm worried sick that she is throwing away all her hard work over a boy. I know they were serious and I know anxiety is a terrible thing to deal with, but as a single parent with no other support I'm at a loss. I've tried being good cop and bad cop. How much time can she miss without jeopardising her exams ?? Has anyone worked through anything similar ??? I guess I'm looking for reassurance.

OP posts:
Lweji · 22/09/2015 14:04

Have you spoken to her GP, get her professional help for her anxiety and to guide how you can help?

Leeds2 · 22/09/2015 14:13

Are school prepared to send work home for her, if she is able to do it? It would help if she is, for example, able to keep up with the reading in subjects such as English Literature and History.

VS3804 · 22/09/2015 14:27

GP recommended Counselling. Preferably in school as there is an 8 months wait through the NHS. Found an online website and shes been chatting to a counsellor on there.

School have sent some work home, but I feel we are only scratching the surface. Got a meeting with school tomorrow.

OP posts:
Lweji · 22/09/2015 14:39

Would she be able to study at home in the meantime?
Does she need support from teachers?

I'd keep talking to her and listening to her, rather than going bad or good cop. You may need some tough love, though, and to gently push her towards returning to school.
Maybe take a one step at a time approach.

Nataleejah · 22/09/2015 20:11

Try to distract her. Promise a worthwile reward for doing well at exams. Something she would really want -- like a new bike, a trip to Paris, whatever

Brioche201 · 22/09/2015 20:36

Stewing at home isn't doing her any good at all.She needs to be in school.Why isn't she there is it the migraines or the anxiety? Both of which are treatable with fairly quick acting medication.You need to get her back to teh GP and get assertive with him/her.Lay it on thick that she is misssing out on her education at a crucial time

yeOldeTrout · 22/09/2015 21:34

is she getting support from her friends? (genuine friends)

VS3804 · 28/09/2015 18:52

Thanks for all your comments. Just a little update. Kooth.com is a website that the GP gave her to look into. There are online counsellors and this seems to be helping. BUT they are only allowed an hour per week. School have been brilliant. They have given her some coping tools (sadly she is not the only pupil with anxiety issues) and she has managed three days from 9.30 til the end of the day so far. Today she has had a panic attack in school but managed to calm herself down. Been migraine free nearly a week now. Weekly meetings set up with school so that she can be full time "back to normal" asap. They also reassured me about her exams. Just hoping the support doesn't "fizzle out" after a couple of weeks.

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