Twins at different secondary schools

[whatithink]

Apologies if I have posted in the wrong place but the twins section seems to be about giving birth and babies/toddlers.

Just wondered if anyone has any experience of same sex twins going to separate secondary schools, ie one at local comp and one at super selective grammar?

I know it happens frequently with normal siblings in different year groups but I was wondering if there were any special issues concerning twins?

Thank you

I don't have experience of this (and there aren't many babies in "secondary education").

I have one friend who nearly went through it, but her other son did get into the Grammar via the waiting list in the end.
I also knew one of twins at a Russell Group University, whose brother was at Oxford studying the same subject.

I think the key thing would be to listen to what they want to do, and to make sure one of them doesn't feel "less clever" than the other.

I sat on a grammar school appeal for twins where one had performed very well in the test, and the other had fallen well short. We asked the parents how they would feel if only one appeal was allowed. The thought had never occurred to them. In the event we allowed the appeal for the higher-scoring twin but not the other. I learnt sometime later that the 2nd twin had been sent to a local fee-paying school.

A friend of my daughter's was at grammar school and her twin sister was at the comp. As far as I know it didn't create any problems, and they moved house after GCSE's and ended up at the same sixth form college and both did well at A levels.

I have twin boy/girl at separate schools in year 7.They've always been together before.Ds is totally unused to organising himself as dd used to do it for him.Dd while being very bright has surprised us by taking a while to settle in to secondary school.But i'm not sure that can be attributed to missing her twin.Dd is very close to her big sister and ds is very close to his younger brother.Hence thay are not solely dependant on each other.But i think they've felt unsafe and a bit unsettled separately.
I'm hoping ds will bloom without his rather dominant twin but time will tell.

My B/G twins have just started Y7 at different secondary schools, after being in the same school from Reception to Y6. Early days, but it's going well so far.

2 boys I know have done this - one at highly selective grammar and one at local comp. Working fine for them. 1 twin didn't want to take the entrance test so it was their choice to go to different schools, rather than one got a slightly higher mark and got in whilst the other one didn't - I don't know if that makes a difference?
They are identical twins, but actually quite different in personalities, interests and abilities. Parents have always treated them as two individuals, and they went through Primary in different classes so were always known as individual boys and not "the twins"

There were a couple of pairs of identical twins in the year above DD, and I noticed last year that the girls had clearly, by their uniforms, ended up with one at grammar and one at a comp. I must admit I was intrigued by how that would play out. I just have DD, but was careful to make it clear that if she got into grammar it would be brilliant, but if not it didn't mean that much as it's so competitive really clever kids might not qualify. I guess with twins you have something similar but both outcomes can come true!

My twins did this. Boy/girl when to different schools from years 7 - 11. It was great for them but hard work for me.

My ID boys have just gone their separate ways at 11, one to an all boys school, the other co-ed. I can already see that it was completely the right decision and ultimately I hope it will do wonders for their relationship.

The other set of same sex twins from their primary school definitely wanted to be together at secondary- horses for courses.

Interestingly there are three other boy twins in the same form as one of mine, all with a girl twin at a different school. All three of those families have chosen single sex education for their b/g twins rather than have them together at a co-ed school.

To give an alternate view.

One of my friends has twins at the same secondary school. She has regularly got frustrated when she sees a teacher of one being better organised / more interesting / whatever than a teacher of the other child. She can really see the inconsistencies within a department and finds it annoying. Also when one twin gets picked for something special, when she thinks the other deserves it more.

If you go for separate schools you know they will be different.

Friends of ours have 4 DC: boy, followed by non-identical boy twins two years later and a girl seven years after that.

Eldest boy won a place at a super-selective private school aged 11. Two years later twin 1 won a place at the same school but not twin 2. Daughter was simultaneously accepted in reception of the prep of the same super selective. So potentially 3 out of 4 DC could have been at the super selective and twin 2 elsewhere.

Parents decided to keep twins at the same - much less academic - school. Seven years later twin 1 left school with grades much lower than his older brother had achieved two years previously at the superselective and twin 2 did so badly he is now retaking. The twins do not get on at all well and the situation is very tough on the whole family. The parents feel they have failed both twins by putting togetherness ahead of their individual needs.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I feel a lot more reassured now that if they do end up going to separate schools it could be a good positive experience for them.

And as TeenAndTween mentioned, I already have that problem at primary school as they are in separate classes so yes, it would be good not to have that again.

I know a few sets of twins who are at separate secondary schools, and I understand that it is working well for them.

There are a lot of factors to weigh up but probably best to start with: which school would you send the child to if they didn't have a twin? Unless there is a massive difference in travel time, holidays etc... then send the child to whichever school suits them best as an individual. They will get to see loads of each other at weekends and on holidays etc....

I like ladydepp's suggestion of where would you send the child if they didn't have a twin. However, we have ended up sending our twins to the same selective school - it was a relief that they both got in, as it was the preferred school for each of them.

I don't believe that mine would have been happy if they hadn't ended up at the same school - but then my kids are massively competitive with each other (not other kids).

However, we know many sets of twins in many combination of schooling, all of whom seem happy and have thrived at school. So I guess the main thing I have to say is to see what your twins want and take it one step at a time.

The thing about comparing different teachers is much less obvious and not so difficult in secondary school, because they have so many teachers / subjects. Any direct comparison is harder to make. But I'm fairly hands-off so it's not been an issue for us in secondary (even though this issue had been quite difficult in primary).

I sometimes think my twin girls would have been better off at separate secondary schools as one is very studious and sensible and one is a bit wild so we frequently get comparisons from teachers, and so do they.

At parents evening last year I had already seen this particular teacher for DT1 (sensible one), then went back a while later to talk about DT2 - she opened the conversation with this stunner, whilst looking at DT2 "Well can I just start by saying that your sister is by far the most sensible of the two of you, and I can see her achieving far more in her GCSEs".

Sandy I hope you gave that teacher some stern words, with our without your DT2 present. WTF! I'd have lost my calm with that.

I find, as a parent of twins, you try so hard not to compare twins and to help them become individuals and then some twat comes along and spouts crap like that. for DT2

We are just awaiting entrance exams results to determine which school/s my twins (currently Year 6) will end up at, but they are b/g twins so likely to be at different schools - most are single sex here. I actually think it will be good for them although they've been together (in the same class etc) throughout primary.

I agree that you need to consider the individual needs of the child. Mine are different and will be suited to different schools. DS will have the shock of his life having to be organised though (no relying on DD to tell him whether he needs his PE kit etc).

My only (massive) concern is the disparity / stigma associated with "passing" or "failing" - where one passes and the other doesn't and one goes to the grammar school and one goes to the comp. They have the same natural ability but DD is a conscientious / mature, DS is less motivated at times / immature. My tummy flips every time I think about it. We have always maintained that the tests are simply to "see which school you are best suited for" but unfortunately the school / other children / other parents refer to it as a pass / fail scenario and I can't imagine how one will feel if they think they've 'failed' and the other has 'passed'.

If anyone has any advice on this point, it would be much appreciated.

Mandy, you have my sympathy. I had a similar scenario with mine - similar natural ability but one has better application and is more likely to keep calm under pressure than the other, and there is a maturity disparity too. In our case this showed clearly in the results of the entrance tests, with one getting into the more aspirational schools and one not. The difference for us was that it wasn't one exam with a pass/fail but rather a few schools across an academic spectrum. I am happy that ultimately they have both gone to the school which was right for them, but it was a very stressful journey. Fingers crossed for you.

Thank you AlwaysFrank. Glad it worked out for your twins!