Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Shaky start to Year 7 & help with a phobia.

11 replies

balletgirlmum · 04/09/2015 20:14

Ds started yr 7 at an independent school this week. It's been a shaky start. He very likely has ASD but funding issues in our area mean that only the most severe cases are referred for diagnoses (despite junior school senco & school nurse requesting referral). Camhs were useless so we went private but ran out of money after the first consultation/report.

Anyway that's for background.

Since a very small child he has had an irrational fear of naked flames. Birthday cakes were a huge problem. He totally freaked out at fire alarms. He's been working on this over the years & has got to the stage where he can actually blow candles out.

Today he had Science. They were learning to use Bunsen Burners. He was naturally very apprehensive not helped by the fact that his classmate managed to set her ruler alight!!!!!

He explained to the teacher his fear & how he used to be even scared of candles. & she told him he just had to get over it. So my question is how? I mean over time yes as with the candles he may improve but in the immediate present he's terrified. I think it's the suddenness/intensity of the flame. He did manage in the end to turn it on but he was very jumpy etc

So sny strategies.

Whilst I'm at it I also need strategies to help him organise himself around school as on Day 2 he was told off for being late to English when he got lost (& probsbly distracted). He also was dispirited with the mark he was given for his writing (something he finds very hard, common in children with ASD). I don't want him to get dispirited this early when he has so much going for him.

He loves his form tutor & really enjoyed Spanish at least.

OP posts:
Sillybillybonker · 04/09/2015 20:43

You need to speak to the school. Have a meeting with the relevant staff, e.g., head teacher, head of year, SENCO (if they have one) and explain exactly what you have here. Try again with CAMHS. They are useless due to serious underfunding but if you keep going back they will have to do something if the problems are still going. My son is on his 3rd referral with CAMHS. They now have a long case history and are saying it is likely he has ASD. He is in Yr 10 but I am still waiting for the final stage of the diagnosis procedure.

balletgirlmum · 04/09/2015 20:52

I emailed the learning support co ordinatir a copy of the report we did have but when I spoke to her at the new parents meeting she basically said without a statement they can't do anything.

His form tutor is great & said things like he looks out for spatial awareness issues in the testing (cats?) they do so he can be aware of stuff in the lab for example (he is also a science teacher)

CAMHS said he has behaviour issues & offered me a Triple P course (I work full time, dh is a teacher & I use similar strategies at home anyway)

The head teacher is new this week too!

OP posts:
Idefix · 04/09/2015 21:11

You need to go back to school and kick up a fuss with senco, many children with sld do not have statements. Not having a statement Shouldnt become an excuse for them to do nothing.

I would start with form tutor build a strong positive relationship with them, and start to push for them to highlight how they are going to met your ds learning needs. I would explain to tutor about the organisation difficulties - can they sort out a buddy to support ds - ensure he gets to classes. I also have found emailing his individual teachers and give them information about how your ds learns and what you have found helpful and ask for them to give you suggestions.

I second going back to cahms and also getting a referral to community paediatrician to try and get a definitive diagnosis.

Don't give up op focus on showing your ds school that you are motivated parents who are prepared to work with the school, but that you do expect the school to step up to the mark.

balletgirlmum · 04/09/2015 21:19

I guess as an independent school they don't 'have' to support him. I was assured when I applied that their string pastoral care, small classes etc would be ideal for him & we are impressed with a lot of things.

He is on the waiting list for a local state school but I wantvto give this one a good shot. The school he was allocated is awful (failed OFSTED, head left with no notice, interim head, all other schools in same academy group failing etc plus he's had a bad experience with some children locally who go there)

OP posts:
balletgirlmum · 04/09/2015 21:20

But some great advice for me there ideefixe

OP posts:
Idefix · 04/09/2015 21:33

I hope things work out for you and ds, it is still early days.
I can relate to your situation we moved overseas to secure a better education for dc it can make you feel desperate when you see them struggling to adjust.
I would really focus on those email relationships (are you allowed if it is and independent?) it makes it much harder for them to not acknowledge your ds needs.

balletgirlmum · 04/09/2015 21:36

Yes emails are usually responded to very quickly I just didn't want to bombard them with problems so early on.

OP posts:
Idefix · 04/09/2015 21:53

I think with careful wording it it is possible for it not to seem like bombarding. Some of what you have described could be a description of my own ds. We have found good teachers want the best from children and will welcome any insight that can facilitate learning.

At the same time I do understand that you would not want to become one of "those" parents. It is horrible to feel so uncertain of the best road to take. To a certain extent I have now decided sod what others think.

Think of how far your ds has come from those initial fears he had with flames, it sounds like he will get there with the right support.

You are doing your best for him.

We are at the other end of schooling, ds started 6th form this week.

balletgirlmum · 13/09/2015 19:40

Thought I should update.

He's sort of getting there organisationally though he has had to be gently reminded by his form tutor about putting his iPad away & he's lost a parentpay cheque. I managed to have a quick word with his form tutor at a parents info meeting.

Had a phone call on Friday from learning support asking for a meeting with us both to see how things are going & to discuss the info that's going to be put on his record.

BUT

He auditioned for the Whole School Musical (something I thought I'd never see) & went & landed the lead role. Because he had to attend an all day rehearsal today he got all his homework done with no fuss by yesterday.

OP posts:
ealingwestmum · 13/09/2015 19:46

Lovely update...well done your boy Grin. Good luck with the learning support meeting.

merlottime · 13/09/2015 22:03

Fantastic news!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page