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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Sexual bullying

48 replies

LouisPasteur · 08/07/2015 21:07

DD hates her form class. She is a quiet girl amongst other girls but surrounded by a larger group of boys. They're all at the end of year 9 now. She's been unhappy for a while now but always told me that they boys are rowdy and get on her nerves. Tonight, everything has spilled out and I'm desperate for advice.

DD came home from school in tears - for the umpteenth time, one of the boys has told her and her best friend that if they don't have sex with him, he's going to spread a load of lies about them on the Internet. Another quiet girl in their class has in the last few weeks succumbed to his threats and sent him photo's of herself - DD hasn't seen them but she said that some we're of her undressed - and now the boy has sent them all to his large group of friends.

Not only are they disruptive to work, they are always talking about porn and sex. My daughter feels vulnerable in her own class. The boys are I understand, behaving in sexually aggressive ways and my DD doesn't want to return. She left her class yesterday with her friend under the guise that she was unwell and they spoke to another teacher. This teacher was horrified and asked her had she reported it to their Head of Year, but even though DD hasn't, other pupils have yet nothing seems to be done.

I don't want my DD being educated in such a sexually aggressive environment and I want to plan my next step well. I don't want to burst in there too emotional because I know that I won't be taken seriously. Please advise me on how best to handle this.

OP posts:

Luna9 · 09/07/2015 08:47

I will write a letter to the head teacher and head of year; I will inform the education authority and child protection. I would not send my dd to this school unless this problem is solved.

littlenicky61 · 09/07/2015 12:31

I would definitely involve the police - unfortunately many schools try to downplay situations like this to keep their reputations intact . You would be amazed how much stuff gets swept under the carpet . These are serious issues that I don't know I would trust a school to deal with fully and openly. The boys will destroy all evidence once they get spoken to at school ( im not sure if schools have the right to seize mobiles and tablets like the police do ) and then it may end up as a your DD word against theirs . Its great your DD felt able to talk to you about it all and I hope you can resolve it swiftly and fully.

bestguess23 · 09/07/2015 14:37

To echo what has been said above you really must contact the police. The law recently changed and if you have reason to believe a child is being abused there is a legal onus on you to report it, obviously that extends to the school too.

MN164 · 09/07/2015 15:15

Sounds like your daughter has been through hell, along with others. It's great that she now has you on her side. Now work to get other parents, teachers, the school, the local authority and the police on her side too.

When this happens I would hope her confidence will be boosted and at the same time the boys (offenders) will be in the spotlight.

CamelHump · 09/07/2015 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LouisPasteur · 09/07/2015 22:01

Hello everyone. The school's CPO called me by 9:10 and asked if I were available to come in for a talk, so a really positive start. She took my Dad and I to a meeting room and we went through everything that DD had told me. I found her incredibly supportive, hard as iron and has a very grim view of what is going on. She told me that a friend of another girl in the same year group has disclosed some other disturbing information and while she wasn't going into detail, it really seems to be an enormous problem unravelling for the school.

I was dreading her telling me that they would be in touch and being sent away but I was reassured by her telling me that they were contacting the Police themselves directly. I cannot tell you the relief I felt at this point, and hard as nails or not, I almost hugged the woman. We then met the Head teacher - he actually brought us in a jug of water and sat with us while the CPO left the room. He was also very supportive and reassured me that they took a serious stance on what was happening. I admitted that we were considering other schools for DD depending on the outcome of events.

So, a good meeting I feel. We were home by 12 and the CPO told us to expect a contact call from the Police. They sent out 2 female officers at 3ish and they have already taken a statement from DD and will be doing the same for DD's friends and other classmates. Both officers were fantastic and DD is so, so relieved, as am I.

We'll both sleep a bit better this evening.

OP posts:

Davros · 09/07/2015 22:08

I am so impressed with you and your DD

mrstweefromtweesville · 09/07/2015 22:14

Oh, well done. Well done indeed. I hope they can sort the school, and I hope your DD gets a safe return in September, or if she would be more comfortable, a fresh start elsewhere.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 09/07/2015 22:32

I`m so glad ... DD must be pleased its being taken very seriously ... and know that shes being looked after. Watch that she dosnt speak to the others via instagram etc as it can look bad. Glad theres a few of you together for support.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 09/07/2015 22:39

I am so glad to read that. If nothing else, it shows your daughter that this behaviour is completely unacceptable and she was right. Well done her, and well done you.

springlamb · 09/07/2015 22:41

So relieved to read your update. Last night I showed DH and DD (13) your post, both asked today if there was any positive news.
I know it won't be much consolation but you have enabled a really open discussion here about such situations should anything like that come up in dd's circle.
Hope you and dd get a good night.

Original poster

LouisPasteur · 09/07/2015 22:44

Spring lamb, your words mean a lot, but it's so, so true. We need more open dialogue with our children. I am just relieved that I have a strong DD who trusts her Mum!

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 09/07/2015 22:46

Sounds like a very positive step.

Devora · 09/07/2015 22:53

I'm so glad you're seeing some progress. Your poor dd - thank god she is strong and has a strong mum.

noblegiraffe · 09/07/2015 23:12

Good to hear it's being taken as seriously as it should be.

Did you mention the HOY not following up previous complaints by the girls?

Koalafications · 10/07/2015 07:33

Good outcome, OP.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 10/07/2015 07:48

That's great. Really pleased that the school have taken it all so seriously.

Well done you

wannabestressfree · 10/07/2015 07:54

Well done to you both :) we would take this very seriously at school so I am glad they are following suit. Your daughter is a brave young lady and that's obviously because of you. Hugs x

Iguanaleader · 10/07/2015 07:57

Well done you and a massive well done to your dd.

StonedGalah · 10/07/2015 08:02

Well done OP has a mother of dd1 and soon to be dd2 this is something l dread but am glad to hear you and your dd are tackling it.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 15/07/2015 00:20

Glad they're taking it seriously and have involved the police. Well done your DD for finally telling you the extent of what was going on.

Gracegrapecherry · 25/07/2015 15:50

This is a total outrage! Those boys should get a severe punishment! Has the school done anything? Oh those poor girls!!

TheBobbinIsWound · 25/07/2015 16:15

Any update OP?

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