11 plus - choosing not to do it

[SouthWestmom]

Honestly, living in a selective area you only seem to hear from people doing it, not people opting out. It's like you're letting your child down by not taking it. Rant over.

I hate this - DD would not be suited to the local grammar, she might pass the 11+ but what is the point if she won't go there anyway? Yet I still can't decide if she should sit it....Argh!

Yes ds might pass but doesn't want to go. There's such snobbery about it (two of mine are at grammar already - so I haven't encountered this before). Like your child must be a bit thick or you don't really care.

DS chose not to sit any 11+ tests as he wanted to go to the local comp for its sports facilities.
He's in the top set, working at Level 7 or 8 in most subjects at the end of Y8.
For us, the comp was a positive choice rather than a fallback, but we did get a lot of judgement from other parents for letting DS make that choice.

Weird isn't it? Ds really is keen on a specialism at the local high school but even his siblings are weird about it.

I (with my parents) chose not to do the 11+ despite getting great marks in a mock (this was in about 1989 i think!)...never regretted it, preferred being "top of the class" in our local comp over having to spend hours on bus everyday to go to the grammar where none of my friends were going (where i later went to do A-levels so i know what it would have been like).

unless a school is dreadful, with parental support i'd think a child can flourish anywhere.

:)

That's the other thing isn't it? At 16 you can move its a natural state to think about a possible school or college? It seems like people think you are writing your child off at 10.

Shell, my DS1 could have written your post 2 years ago! The local comp has worked so well for him we are sending DS2 after next year. Despite our knowledge of the school people still look askance when I say we are not doing tutoring or tests!

My bright DS1 wouldn't entertain the idea of sitting the the 11+. He goes to a very diverse, mixed ability primary at the moment and hated the idea of going to a selective school. I am not against grammar schools in principal but think you have to decide whether it would suit your child. DS1 starts at the local comp in September so hope it suits him.

I think this is more widespread than 11+. Our schooling system has lots of "flavours" and, if you live in London or similar set up, lots of choice.

Parents can't help comparing their choices with others - local comp, faith school, grammar, single sex, private.

There is no such thing as a best school for everyone, only a best school for you.

I agree. To me, it's definitely about deciding the best school for your child and not just the one with the best results. I live in a 3 tiered school system which doesn't have grammar schools but is a (long) bus ride away from them. The local middle school is outstanding as judged by Ofsted and I agree. Parents who decide to have their kids move to grammar have to move them half way through a school where most are thriving to one where they'll be far from their friends and have to wake up very early to make the long trip. Yes still I know people who have had their kids tutored to pass the grammar school exam. To me that means they might then struggle to keep up so I can't understand the need to do it when the local schools are so good. If I lived close to the grammars I'd have considered it for maybe 2 of my DCs who it would probably have suited but not my arty one who'd hate a grammar school environment, even though she is bright. I did ask all of them if they wanted to sit the exams and they all sensibly said no because it's too far away and they loved their middle school. DS did get into a grammar for sixth form but choose a different (but also selective) college instead which looks like it was a good decision so far.

We are on the edge of a grammar city. Dd's school would help prepare you for it if you wanted to and it was recommended that she went for it but DD didn't want to. We respected her decision and choice and have never regretted that.

Her main reasons were, she wanted to go to a mixed sex school and she would rather be in all top sets and enjoy school rather than feeling the pressure of being pushed and pushed and pushed, which the grammar is known for. She ended up with fantastic results and at a great university.

If you live in a grammar county the big, big problem is that you have secondary modern schools, not comprehensives, that are the alternative. A few are good and can definitely educate the borderline grammar school children to a high standard. Very many of the schools are in and out of RI or worse, and have been for years. Very many run poor 6th forms.

Hardly anyone opts out in my county. We did for DD2 but she was at a prep and the grammar was not our preferred destination. The prep used the test mark to help judge entry to suitable senior schools though, if you wanted your child to take it for that reason. It is sad when parents and children are disappointed with a low mark and I queried with people why their children took the test in the first place, even when they had not chosen a grammar school on their preferred school form. The answer is to be like everyone else.

Milky yes that's true - skimming off the top % might mean the secondaries don't aim high. I'm just hoping we have done the right thing really.